I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 17 - Just Another Nightmare.

Y/n's pov

I was sitting in my cell, just as I do every other day, except today was different, it was quieter lonelier. Bucky wasn't here. I don't know what happened to him. I hope he escaped but something tells me he didn't. At least when he was here the silence was comfortable.

The metal door to my cell swings open and agents swarm in. They grab me and take me into a room with a chair. I've never been in this room before, I've never been in any other room bar my cell before. They only needed me for the winter soldier to keep, now he was gone I was useless.

They throw me into the chair and metal straps come down restraining me to the chair. A strap comes over my head and pierce starts to press some buttons. A wave of electricity starts to ripple through my body. Sending immense pain everywhere possible. I couldn't hold back my screams.

This lasted about 20 before they finally stopped the machine. When it stopped, pierce stood in front of me. "What's your name?" He asks me. "Y/n" I reply. He holds up a picture to my face, "do you know who this is?" He asks me still holding up the photo "Bucky" I tell him truthfully. "DAMNIT!" He shouts. "Why didn't it work?" He screeches at the agents in the room.

"Fine, take her to the other room". The tells the men. They pick me up out of the chair and drag me to a cold, damp room, it was the same room they took me in when they killed Oliver. They hang me on the same pole they hung me on that day.

They pulled out knives and started using them on me the same as they did Ollie. Except this time, with me, they made sure not to puncture anything vital, that wanted me alive, unlike Ollie.

I heard pierces voice ringing through the room. "It's your fault" he begins. "It's because of you he's gone! He tried to escape, of course we wouldn't let that happen. So we had to kill him. You got my winter soldier killed, my greatest asset. So after you pay for his death, you will replace him". My Bucky was dead. I didn't want to believe him but I had no choice, it's hydra of course they weren't going to let him escape.

He was right. My Bucky died because of me. I deserved what they were doing to me. After they were finished with my 'punishment' for getting Bucky killed, they took me down from the pole and threw me back into my cell. Before they left the cell 3 of the agents stayed behind to give me a beating as a warning not to do anything stupid.

Y/n wake up!

I dart upright screaming just as I had before. My breathing is rather unsteady. I quickly scoot up further into the corner of Buckys bed. I see him reach for my hand but i pull away not quite sure of what's happening or where I am.

"Y/n doll, it's me. It's Bucky. It was just a dream doll" I hear Buckys voice cooing me. "B-Bucky?" I questions him, hardly being able to let the word escape me. "It's me doll" he reassures me. He reaches out for me again. I don't even think before I immediately dive into his arms burying myself into him.

I heard what I think was the avengers come into the room but I was sure they left after a minute. I felt two people sit on the bed next to Bucky and I. I felt another hand against my back and one over my leg. I faintly heard them all talking quietly but I was too deep in sobs to pay attention to what they were actually saying.

I calmed down after a while of Bucky soothing me and telling me it was just a dream. And while that was true, it still happened. The demons of my past were still finding a way to torment me through my dreams. I couldn't talk to Bucky about it. I couldn't tell him how, even though he was alive, I blamed myself for his death. I believed I deserved everything hydra did to me. I can't tell him that. Any of that. I eventually pulled myself out of my thoughts enough to speak to Bucky.

"Bucky?" I questions. "Yeah doll?" He responds to me softly while tucking a stay hair behind my ear. "Will you come to my room with me please? I want to get a shower but I don't want to be alone" i asks him rather quietly. "Yeah of course doll, or you can get a shower in here if you want to" he offers me. Id definitely much prefer to do that. "You don't mind?" I asks him rather timidly. "I don't mind" he assure me.

I smiles at Bucky before getting up and walking into the bathroom. I turn the shower on and get in. I didn't mean to keep bothering people by waking up screaming like that. It will probably get rather annoying for the other avengers if they have to keep on listening to it and getting woken up by it.

I got out of the shower, I didn't want to spend too long in there. I walk out of the bathroom and into Buckys room just wrapped in a towel. I walk over to his draws and pull out a short sleeved red T-shirt of his. "Can I pinch this?" I ask his holding the top up for him to see. "Sure, go ahead" he tells me with a faint smile. "Thanks."

I lay the top on his bed before quickly running into my room and grabbing a bra and some underwear. I went back over to Buckys room and started getting changed. I could feel his eyes lingering on me while I changed which brought a smile to my lips. Once I was changed into his T-shirt I turned around to face him. "Like what you see barnes?" I ask him with a cheeky grin. "Yes. Yes I do" he replied with a smirk just as playful as mine.

He pulled me back on to the bed. I just stared at him admiring his perfect face. "So what do you say about finishing shrek and watching movies until dinner? I think we're just gonna order pizza with everyone since no one can be arsed cooking after the night we had last night" Buckys asks me with a smirk forming on his face. "Yeah I like the sound of that"

We snuggle up together yet again as we finish watching shrek. After the movie was over we decided to have a Disney marathon. We kept telling shitty jokes to each other making the other burst out in a fit of contagious laughter.

We were in bed watching movies for hours laughing with each other and cuddling up to each other. We were mid laughter fit when Wanda walks in the room. "Sorry guys, Tony wanted me to tell you we are ordering pizza and are gonna watch a movie if you want to come with." Wanda informs us. "Thanks Wanda, we will be down soon" Bucky tells her. Wanda smiles at us as she walks out of the room back to the others.

"We should probably get going then doll" Bucky tells me while just staring at me. Somehow he still manages to look so effortlessly gorgeous. "Yeah let's go" I reply to him. I don't bother putting any shorts on, Buckys top covers what needs to be covered.

We got down stairs to the others, Tony was ordering the pizza and Nat and Wanda were setting up the living room ready to watch some tv. I went and joined Nat and Wanda helping them get the living room sorted while Bucky went to catch up with Steve.

Eventually everything was ready for everyone, the pizza had been delivered and we were all getting settled in the living room. Alfie even came down to sit with us. Some people were on the couch and some were on the floor. Nat and Wanda were on a couch together, Wanda had her head on Nats lap. I was sat on the floor in between Nats legs leaning on Bucky as Nat played with my hair.

Everyone else was scattered around the dimly lit room. There were pillows and blankets over the floor. We all had some pizza and we were all comfortably spread out around the room.

We all decided to binge watch supernatural instead of a movie. We had some light conversation here and there, a few jokes. It was mainly me, Nat and Wanda explaining to the men what was going on. It was definitely a nice evening.

Eventually we all decided to go to bed and hopefully feel better in the morning. We all helped clear up the living room and put everything away back where it was.

Me and Bucky got back up to our floor. I was about to go into my room when I realised I really didn't want to be alone tonight. "Can I stay with you tonight bucky? Please." I say to him as I turn around to face his door. Thankfully he wasn't already in his room. I didn't figure I gave him enough explanation. "You don't have to say yes, I get it. I don't wanna wake you up again" I say rather rushed. "Yes. You can stay with me doll. Don't worry about waking me up, I used to get them too and Steve always woke up to sit with me." He assures me. "Thank you Buck" I say. "Alfie too?" I ask. "Alfie too." He confirms.

"Are you going to be okay here doll? I just wanna get a quick shower." He checks with me. "Yeah, I'll be fine" I assure him. We smile at each other before he leaves into the bathroom. I lay back on his bed and close my eyes, not falling asleep just enough to relax and enjoy this moment of peace.