I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 21 - Your Not Real.

"Sorry I'm late."

There it was. The unmistakable sound of his voice. That same voice I've longed to hear for so long. I lifted my head up from the safety of my arms, ever so carefully twisting my head around to take a look at the source of the voice. There he was, stood there next to the unconscious body of the agent, who just moments before was giving me shit for sleeping.

"Bucky?" I practically whispered, staring at the man stood before me in utter disbelief. "It's me doll" he said with a light smile. I slowly stood up and took a few steps back, further away from him.

"No" I basically muttered. "What?" He asks confused as he walks up to me putting his hands on my upper arms. "NO" I screech at him. He furrows his eyebrows further in confusion. "Wha-" he starts to say before I start screaming at him again. "Stop it!"

He didn't say anything to me, he just pulled me closer to his chest. My eyes started poring with tears I didn't know I had left. "You not real" I shout. I peer my head around his arm, "THIS IS FUCKED UP PIERCE. SCREW YOU!" I scream at the cell door.

"your not real. YOUR NOT REAL" I screamed at him as I stood hitting his chest repeatedly while he just held me close to him and allowed me to hit him. I fell to my knees in desperate sobs. I longed for this to be real. I knew, however, that it was not. It couldn't be, this was just some sick twisted mind game that hydras playing at.

We were both sat on the floor, he was holding me while I sobbed. My hits to his chest getting weaker with every one. "Your not real" "your not fucking real!" I say between sobs. He picks me up and starts walking over to the cell door. "Your not real" I say extremely weak, with whatever breath I had left between sobs. I knew I was going to get hell regardless of what happens now, so without caring I just closed my eyes and let the tiredness consume me.

Buckys pov

"Do you have her barnes?" I hear Tony's voice through my ear piece. "Yes" I confirm to him. "Is she okay?" Nat asks concern mixed with relief filling her voice. "Far from it. I'll explain on the jet, meet me there now." I tell them.

I get back to the jet, all the others are already there waiting for me. Tony and Nat run up to us, Tony takes her out of my arms and into his own sprinting for the jet. Me and Nat get to the jet close after Tony.

"What happened?" Wanda asks me as we sat down and the jet took off. "I don't know. She saw me and freaked out. She broke down screaming that I'm not real" I told the team as everyone was listening now.

I went and sat next to Tony who still had y/n on his lap. I gently put my hand on her leg for comfort. Her eyes instantly darted open at my touch. "Мне жаль" (I'm sorry), she says as she sits up and scurried over to an empty corner of the jet.

She sits with her back against the jet wall, her knees tucked up to her chest. Her chin was resting on her knees with her arms wrapped around her legs.

I noticed she was starting to drift off to sleep. Her head started to flop down. As soon as it fell a little, she threw her head back up. I could see she was fighting against sleep.

I decided to go over to her and try to convince her she's okay. I get closer to her and slowly crouch down in front of her. "Y/n, doll. It's me. It's Bucky" I tell her softly. She keeps her gaze strictly on the floor. "Y/n please look at me. I'm real, okay? I'm here." I plead with her again, more desperate this time.

She doesn't move her head but she let's her eyes flicker up to meet mine. "Your not real" she lets out barely audible. "Give me your hand" I instruct her. She hesitates for a moment before extending her shaky hand to me. I cup it inside my own for a second before bringing her hand up to my face. "See, it's me doll. It's real. Your okay now." I say to her with a soothing smile.

Her eyes start to water up as she flexes her hand and moves it hesitantly across the stubble that lingers on my jaw. "Is it really over?"she asks me, her voice shaking with every word that leaves her mouth. "It's really over." I confirm, smiling at her reassuringly. I open my arms for her as an invitation, she hesitates for a minute before accepting. She dives into my arms as I wrap my arms around her tightly. Her hands start exploring the likes of my hair, my back my arms, so on and so fourth, I'm sure she's trying to make sure I'm real.

"Am I allowed to sleep?" She asks cautiously. "Of course your allowed to sleep doll" I tell her. I was a little confused as to why she was asking, did they not let her sleep? She lets go of me and scoots back into the corner and curled into a ball again. I open my arms for her again and give her a side nod, indicating she doesn't have to sleep on the floor alone.

She climbs back into my arms again, I rest my back on the wall where she was. She lies on my knee facing me, her head buried into my hip, curled into a ball with her hands tucked in together between our bodies. I had my metal arm rested underneath her head, and my flesh arm hung over her side, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

It doesn't take her long to drift into sleep. Even in her sleep, though, she seemed on edge, she was definitely sleeping extremely light. If anything, including me, so much as touched her, she jolts awake, she studies her surroundings before fading back off into sleep.

~~~

The jet landed back at the compound, y/n was still asleep, I knew she was going to wake up as soon as I moved to pick her up. Id rather her sleep though, Steve came over and asked if I'd like him to carry her in for me so we didn't disturb her as much. I agreed and thanked him for carrying her. Just as I predicted she bolted awake as soon as Steve touched her, terror filler her face. I quickly stood up and went next to Steve and whispered in her ear telling her that she's okay now.

Sure enough she fell back asleep in Steve's arms. "Should we take her down to medical?" Steve asked me, trying to be as quiet as possible so we didn't wake her. "No, take her to her room. She's just come back from hydra and she's not fully convinced this is all real, if she wakes up in medical she will freak, let her settle back in first." I inform him. I wanted to take her down to medical, I needed to know that she was alright but, alas, I knew what I told Steve was the truth, and the right thing to do.

We got inside the compound and Steve placed her down on her bed. I thanked him before he left, I didn't want to leave her alone, I couldn't let her wake up alone and scared, not knowing what's real and what's not. So I stayed with her, I closed the windows after she woke up the second time to the wind touching her. I made sure not to touch her, as much I was dying to at least hold her hand while she slept, I didn't want to nail any unnecessary fear into her.

I refused to touch the bed in fear of her waking up, I told the others not to open the door incase it wakes her up. I just sat beside her bed in a chair waiting for her to wake up. I didn't know how sleep deprived she was, but I did know that she needed sleep. I also knew once she wakes up, properly, she will need lots of reassurance, all of which I'm prepared to give.

"I'm so sorry doll" I whispered to her sleeping form, careful not to get too close.