I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 25 - Is That What You Want To Hear?

I was still too in deep in my book to notice anything. For example, I didn't notice my door being lightly knocked on. I didn't hear my door be open and Bucky walk in. I also didn't hear him say my name multiple times.

I only noticed he was there when I felt a hand in my shoulder and my reflexes kicked in causing me to grab his arm and flip him over onto the bed next to me. "Ouch" he mumbles. "Shit, sorry Buck." I say to him as I remove my grip from his arm.

"It's fine, did you not hear me talking to you?" He asks me, he looks genuinely confused. "No, I didn't. Sorry." I tell him truthfully. "Okay, well I was just wondering if we are able to talk?" He asks me as he starts sitting up from my defence mechanism. "Yeah, sure. What's up?" I really don't want to talk but I owe it to him I suppose.

"I don't know y/n. You tell me. You've been distant since you got back, you weren't at dinner last night. You skipped breakfast today. Fuck, you haven't even left your room. And then I find you past out drunk with Sam. What the fuck is going on y/n." He shouts to me. Getting louder with each word he says.

"The fuck Bucky? I've been back what, a day? And your fucking lecturing me. I was gone a month. A fucking month of hell. And your pissed because I got drunk with Sam. Or because I skipped a few meals? Well I'm fucking sorry that I'm not hungry and that I'm fucking tired from that hell hole. I'm sorry that I don't want to be near loads of people or wanted to get drunk and forget everything for one night. Okay? So I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. Is that what you want to hear?" I snap back at him equally aggressive. I don't want to argue with Bucky but I don't particularly want to get close to him right now. Or any of that for that matter.

"Y/n I-" Bucky starts. "No Bucky, just leave me alone" I interrupt him. "No y/n your pushing me away. Your fucking shutting me out. Why?" He questions. I know that what he said was the truth but I couldn't help it. It needed to be done. "Just fuck off James." I tell him with a serious tone in my voice. "Wow" is all he says before walking off and slamming my door behind him.

Sam wakes up a little at the slamming noise. "The fuck" he states sleepily. "Go back to sleep Sam" I instruct him. Almost instantly his eyes close again and he's back to being passed out on the floor.

Just then I hear a faint knock on my door. Jesus can a girl not get a break around here? "What" I simply state really not being arsed with this shit today. "Y/n its Steve, can I come in?" He asks me from the other side of the door. "If you must" I confirm for him, the annoyance quite clearly evident in my tone.

Steve walks in closing the door gently behind him. "What happened to your door?" He asks as he turns away from the door. He must have seen the broken lock. "Oh that. Bucky broke it last night." I explain. "Oh okay" he says simply. "What's up ice cream?" I ask, deciding on the nickname as a spear of the moment decision.

"Ice cream? That's new. Anyway I heard you and Buck shouting at each other, is everything okay?" He asks seemingly worried. "Of course you did" I mutter. "Yep, everything is fine." I lie to him. Not wanting to talk to him either.

Apparently my answer wasn't convincing enough because he comes and sits on the bed next to me. "Y/n" he begins, I already knew I wasn't going to enjoy this conversation. "I know you probably don't want to talk about what happened-" he starts saying. I knew exactly where he was going with this. "You'd be correct" I cut him off before he can continue speaking. "Will you just let me speak for a second?" He asks slightly smirking at me. I just look at him and nod my head slowly.

"I was just saying it would probably be better if you'd talk about it. You don't have to but please don't shut Bucky or any of us away because of it. We're all here for you." He tells me, a soft smile placed on his face. I look up at him my eyes starting to water. "Anyway, I was thinking about going shopping or something, would you like to come with, gets you out for a little bit, take your mind off things?" Steve offers me.

I couldn't speak in fear that if I said something the tears would threaten to spill. I bit my lip making sure the tears stay hidden and nodded my head as confirmation. "Great, I'll see you down stairs in.." he thinks for a minute. "20 minutes?" He asks. I once again nod in acceptance.

He smiles at me while he pats my leg and stands up towards the door. We share a small smile before he leaves closing the door behind him. I went in the the bathroom, wet my hair a little in the sink before brushing through it and placing it in a high ponytail.

I decided to copy Buckys antiques by leaving a note for Sam incase he wakes up...

Hi Toto,
Sorry about leaving you
I've gone shopping with
Steve, I'll clean up when
I get back. There's an Aspirin
and bottle of water on the side
next to you. C'ya.
Binx.

I leave the note on the space next to him on the floor.   I grab a leather jacket and head down to the garage to meet up with Steve.

I get down to the garage where Steve already is. He's stood by the '67 impala. "I thought you might want to take this one." He says while smirking. I smile at him as I walk over to him.

"Can I drive?" I ask him with slight puppy dog eyes. "Can you even drive?" He asks me with a slight joking attitude. "Of course I can drive.." I pause for a second. "Hydra taught me" I finish with a smirk as I take the keys off him and get in the drivers side.

"Yeah, because that really fills me with confidence." He states making me roll my eyes and us both falling into laughter.