In My Head (Agent Severide Book 2)

Chapter 24

Kelly's Cabin, North of Chicago

Zoey lay on the floor softly singing along to the music as tears fell from her eyes she just kept drinking. The sight broke Kelly, how long had she been like this? How long had she been hiding here? her brother thought as he walked in shutting the door behind him before walking over and sitting on the floor next to his sister who hadn't moved since he arrived. 

"Zo?" Kelly said softly as the blonde just sniffled drinking straight from the bottle as she lay there singing softly. "Zoey?" Kelly said again only this time he stopped her from taking another sip of the bottle that was almost empty. "How long have you been here?" her brother asks as the blonde just turned her head to look at her brother with tear-filled blue eyes. "A couple daysss, I don'ttt know" Zoey slurred as she pushed herself up into a sitting position swaying a little in the process. 

Kelly sighed at the sight of his little sister as she reached over and took the bottle he had just taken from her and started chugging it back. "How about we get you back home," Kelly said. "Is Shay gonna meet us there?" the question made his heart shatter. She was completely wasted and he was just starting to figure out how far gone she was. "Yea, she will," Kelly said trying to keep his voice even. 

Zoey jumped to her feet nearly falling over if he hadn't steadied her. Kelly lead his extremely intoxicated sister outside to his car helping her in the car and having to buckle her seat belt. Before Kelly could even get in the driver's seat Zoey was already passed out in the passenger seat. He started the car and began the drive back to Chicago calling Gabby and Morgan to inform them he found Zoey. 

Gabby & Matt's Apartment, Chicago

The entire drive back to Chicago Zoey stayed passed out and from where Kelly sat he could smell the tequila radiating off her small frame. The mustang pulled up outside Matt and Gabby's apartment as Kelly switched the car off and got out of the vehicle before caring Zoey inside and laying her down on the couch. 

"Where was she?" Gabby asked him as he set Zoey's drunken body down as a knock sounded from the door, Matt went over opening the door to reveal Antonio, Jay and Morgan. "I found her up at the cabin," Severide said as he laid a blanket over the completely passed-out blonde. "How is she?" Antonio asked as Kelly walked over to the fridge pulling out a beer. "She's struggling, I don't know how long she been there drinking but she asked me if Shay would be here when I asked her to come home," Kelly said sadly causing most of the room to look over at the blonde that was sleeping peacefully. "Shay?" Morgan asked a bit confused earning a taken aback look from the others. "Yea she was our best friend for the longest time," Gabby said sadly, "What happened to her?" Morgan asked. "She passed away a few years in a fire set by an arsonist we caught," Antonio said. Morgan nodded wondering why she never told them but it would make sense why she came home every year around the same time. 

Zoey groaned waking up to the sound of talking and a massive headache that felt like her head hit a train. The blonde rolls over in bed trying to get comfortable when suddenly she landed on the floor with a thud followed by a groan. The talking suddenly stopped, where am I? Zoey thought as she opened her eyes and looked around the room before her eyes landed on her older brother, Gabby, Matt, Antonio, Morgan and Jay? "Where'd Shay go?" she asked more to herself as she stood up swaying a little still a bit drunk from when she passed out. "How the fuck did I get here?" the blonde asks walking over to the kitchen where everyone was. "here," was all Gabby said putting some Tylenol and water on the counter in front of the blonde. 

Zoey looked at the Tylonal and water wanting to just keep drinking instead. However, the blonde took the pills with after feeling the eyes in the room on her. The blonde looks up beginning to get uncomfortable. "Is anyone gonna say anything or just stare at me like I have 6 heads?" the blonde said looking at the room. "How long have you been like that?" Kelly finally said. "Like? what" she replied a bit confused. "How long have you been a bender?" Antonio asks, "When was I realized from Med?" Zoey asked. "A month ago," Jay said knowing right off the bat without having to think twice. "It's been a month?" Zoey asked a bit surprised. 

What did I do? After a month of drinking and she could barely remember a damn thing. "aww shit, what did I do?"  Zoey asked looking over everyone as she rubbed her forehead. "A lot, you basically tried to burn every bridge," Morgan said looking at who he thought was his best friend. "Sounds like me and tequila," the blonde said looking down as everything flashed through her mind. Losing the baby, sending Jay away, Resigning from the FBI?! 1-month bender? 

Zoey looked over in shock at everyone, "fuck" she said softly sighing placing her face in her hands for a minute to hide how ashamed she felt. "Talk to us Zoey, we just wanna help," Morgan said as she let out a shaky breath trying not to cry. She knew it was time to come clean they were pleading with her to just tell them so they could help. 

"After we lost the...baby." Zoey started looking up to meet her teary-eyed gaze at Jay before it fell. "This void that shrunk after Shay just tripled in size and the pain." the blonde was crying as she spoke feeling this lump in the back of her throat making it feel like she was being choked. Zoey sniffled, "I just want it to stop, I don't wanna feel numb or just this unbearable pain," Zoey choked out starting to fully sob. 

Jay was the first over pulling the blonde into his arms, she could feel his chest shake a bit telling her he was crying with her too now. "I'm tired of people dying around me, it was my fault our kid and Shay died." She said letting go of the detective. "Zoey it's not your fault. Don't lie to me, If I had come home that day like I promised her she wouldn't have been at work. She would still be here. It's my fault. It's all my fault" Zoey snapped like a cord wound too tight. 

It was Kelly that engulfed his sister in his arms, "Zoey I'm not lying to you it's the truth. You didn't set the fire that's not your guilt to carry" her brother said as she just kept sobbing. "Who told you it was your fault?" Kelly asks with a shaking voice trying to stay calm. "jack" Zoey whispers softly as she felt her brother hold her a bit tighter at the words. "Jack's a moron Zo, Shay wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself for what happened to her. She'd want you to be happy and to live your life." Her brother said as Zoey just clung to her brother crying. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch" Zoey said looking at everyone as tears fell down her cheeks and she looked over everyone in the room. "Just talk to us before you resign and go on a bender. You worried all of us," Morgan said as everyone joined Kelly and Zoey's hug. 

"Morgan?" the blonde asked after everyone let go of the hug, "Yea?" he replied. "Do you know if my spots been filled in the BAU?" Zoey asked causing him to shake his head. "Hotch put you on 2 months paid leave while you got yourself figured out,"Morgan told her causing her to nod her head. "But you still have to be cleared for work especially since you avoided all your appointments," Jay said causing Gabby and Kelly to send her an are you serious look. "What?? if you drink enough tequila you don't need pain killers." Zoey stated like it was obvious as her brother just shook his head. "Alright go change and shower, I'm taking you over to Med," her brother said. "But- Zo. I'm not asking you and we both know I can and will carry you there if I have to," Kelly said in a serious tone. "Fine," she replied with a huff before walking over to her day bag picking it up and carrying it back to the counter before placing 6 full tequila bottles on the counter. "I don't really know what to do with these so I'm gonna leave them here and when I come back if they're gone... Oh well. Also, each bottle is like $250 so please don't dump them" Zoey said before taking her half-empty bag to the bathroom to go shower and change.