Sparks and Hearts

Reflection of Reality

'In choosing me, you chose us.'

Barricade's words continued to ruminate through every brain cell making it near impossible to focus on anything but previous events playing back like a movie and analyzing every detail of pleasure, manipulation, and truth that occurred, bringing with it a swirling sea of emotions. A sense of uncertainty that had me on edge and barely able to tolerate anything. Sounds were too loud, lights too bright, too much stimulation of the world around me which wasn't a great start, much less walking around the mall picking up Dad's forgotten Christmas gift to Mum. I grabbed my noise-canceling earphones finding a quieter corner to calm down. Just five minutes of peace.

No, I chose to be with Barricade, not the Decepticon cause but do they go hand in hand? Have I betrayed my whole planet? He still believed it was the right thing, still believed that destroying worlds and their inhabitants was worth it. Despite admitting that maybe humans and Cybertronians were alike in some ways, hooked on power and control but sacrifices must be made and I now seriously doubted I could have any influence on his ultimate decision. Since our last encounter I felt an intense mix of emotions, like I was being pulled by a rope in both directions and though I tried to deny it a flicker of doubt had set in.

Barricade, first and foremost, was a soldier, hardened to stone, only knowing destruction and disregarding value for any other life, countless years of only knowing to command and to be commanded; that was the Decepticon way. If, and it's a big if, I could make him see and accept that not everything had to result in conflict, destruction, and death, things had to change. I realised although my relationship was the biggest thrill of my life, the stress of hiding its inner workings was beginning to take a toll, I smiled through a picture-perfect romance, but at what cost? I was risking lives, especially Sam's every time I was with Barricade. If an alien and human had any chance of making it together, it couldn't be here. Too much had happened to be wiped away, forgive and forget was not an option for a Decepticon.

Sam and I resumed communication by means of good old-fashioned pen and paper, notes were written, read, and burnt to ash to cover our tracks with the intent of seizing communication after the conversation was concluded. It was a risk, yes, but felt necessary. Sam was by all accounts shocked when he received my note, thinking he'd be hearing the news of my death, warning me I was a woman walking the path of demise if I kept going forward, but I had nothing left to do but fall. Too entangled already knowing I was in love with Barricade, I asked him if he really thought Barricade would simply accept and move on if I rejected him. He himself had proved he couldn't and I wasn't sure I could accept it either.
Sam told me I was brainwashed, hooked on a manipulative and aggressive monster playing with my heartstrings. A monster who could never love or feel anything other than for his own benefit, built on deception from his very essence to his perfect facade. No one had been the wiser of that night, too drunk or blaming Sam's cuts and bruises on typical teenage partygoers, going a bit too hard. His parents had to swear to secrecy, with the government making a handsome payout it was an easy decision for them to keep quiet, I still couldn't believe they knew Bee was an alien living in their garage. Couldn't top dating one though, they seemed to be unaware of who Barricade truly was, and it was intended to stay that way.

A sudden tap on my shoulder had me bolt up from the chair, breaking my thoughts as I stared wide-eyed at the person before pulling my headphones down hesitantly, ''Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you but I wondered if you could help me?'' A young man stood before me, with my deep thinking it took a moment for my brain to catch up. ''Um yes?'' He must have been no older than his early twenties, with a freckled face, green eyes, and curly ash-blonde hair, he had a typical surfer boy look, the type the teenage me would have swooned over. ''I wondered if you knew where Harleys was? The map shows it was here but it's not,'' he asked bashfully.