The King's of New York

Choosing Emotions

"On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright. Then this thing turned out so evil. I don't know why I'm still surprised."

~~~~~~~~~

Christina

"Charlotte wait here while I go find you some spare clothes to change in, okay?"

"Are we going to see the fishes today?" Charlotte asks her big blue eyes wide and innocent.

"Yes but first we have to get you cleaned up. You're sticky princess." I inform pushing her long blonde hair from her shoulders.

"Okay mommy." She replies excitedly before sitting on the bed of her own room in this estate hell.

Jackson wanted her to have a room here. At first I didn't care, but the way the family has become so dangerous, I have become very reserved. She is only here unless I am here as well. Jackson doesn't like me here, because he brings his sluts here to play pretend and fuck on.

I begin to look through the half empty drawer and closet shelves for a sweater. It's cold today and if Charlotte gets sick it's like nursing the worst patient ever. She doesn't like cough or cold medicine and she won't swallow pills. So I try to prevent her from getting sick any chance I can get.

With a glance to Charlotte who is playing with a toy on her bed, I make my way across the hall to mine and Jackson's room. It's mostly Jackson's room because I can count on one hand how many times I've been in this room.

Hoping there's a sweater in here for her, that one of the new housekeepers confused her room for. As I dig through our drawers my body freezes as my sight catches the pink and white box in the trash can.

Pregnancy Test.

I reach down slowly grabbing the empty box. My blood inside my veins begins to beaten, and the sound of my rapid beating heart is pulsing in my ears.

"Christina-" Jackson stops mid sentence and stride as he sees what's in my hand.

Emotions are ransacking through me. Each one fighting to be the first one I choose to endure. But I can't choose when I don't know which one I should start with.

"Why do you have that?" Jackson asks and I can feel my body twitch with rage.

Should I pick anger?

"I found it." I answer shortly my gaze now focused on the wall behind him.

"Christina where did you find that?" He asks taking a step near me cautiously. I can feel my hand crushing the box.

"The trash can." My voice wavers as I can feel sadness fighting to be the first emotion.

Should I choose feeling sad for myself?

"Christina it's not-"

"Don't start lying to me now Jackson," I state as my eyes finally lock with his blue orbs, "Haven't you disrespected me enough? Why start lying when you never hid the fact or lied to me about your affairs? I'd rather keep the speck of dignity our relationship may have."

Jackson nods rubbing his jaw. He does that when he's thinking and when he's stressed. In this situation I don't know which one he can be.

"I overlook a lot of stuff mostly because I have no choice. But I thought you had a slither of respect for me to use a condom." I snap throwing the box at him.

Jackson doesn't say a word as he looks away his hands shoved into his pants pockets.

My lip trembles as tears well in my eyes, "I don't know what to ask first. Whoever she is—is she pregnant by you Jackson?"

Jackson's eyes finally find mine, and the fucked up part is that I would rather him just hit me instead. His eyes read nothing but sorrow as he looked at me.

I step closer to him, holding in my anger as best as I can while I look up at him, "Jackson... Is she pregnant with your child?" I ask as a lone tear falls down my cheek.

"I don't know." He finally answers, and my hopeful response of a 'no' is down the drain.

I let a deep shaky breath as my hands ball up into fists, "You're a liar. You're definitely a cheater. You're a coward. You're abusive. You're disrespectful. You're a traitor Jackson Sicario."

Jackson's head hangs low, "I was—"

"I don't want hear the excuses right now." I say lowly shaking my head as I turn away.

Jackson grabs my wrist, "I'm going to take care of it." He rushes his words and his eyes hold frantic.

And I only seen this look on him when his father was killed. The look of fear; he's scared.

"Take care of what? Make her get an abortion? Oh does that save our marriage? Us? Our family? Will it save Charlotte the confusion and hurt? Does it save me from the painful heartbreak I endure everyday!?" I shout as tears quickly fall down my face.

"It was a stupid mistake—"

"A mistake is many things, but this isn't one of them. You were reckless and careless!"

"Christina I'm going to have this handled!" Jackson shouts with a pleading tone gripping my wrists.

My eyes look away not wanting to look in his eyes, "I want a divorce." I finally say as my body finally releases this weight off me.

Jackson let's go of me quickly as if I turned into fire, his face contorts in pain like he's been punched in the gut.

Too bad. He should see my face when he continues to stab me in the back.

"I know it's not traditional in our lifestyle. But I want an out of this relationship. We were never supposed to get like this. I'm not asking this time and I'm not running anymore. I'm telling you what I want and I will fight to get it. You've put me through so much pain; physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can't keep going on like this, I refuse to have my daughter keep asking me why I'm crying. Or why I'm bruised up!? I can't keep lying to my daughter, this isn't okay. I'm not okay. We are not okay. She needs better examples, and we are not that together."

Jackson's eyes become glassy with tears as his jaw clenched as he looks at me, "I can't let you go Christina." He says as his voice waivers.

"I'm begging you to. Please Jackson; I'm dying here." I beg as tears fall from both our eyes as we stare at one another.

"Are you not tired of fighting me? Don't you want your out from this relationship too?" I ask and Jackson shakes his head.

"Mommy, can I change now? I want to go see the fishes!" Charlotte whines and I quickly wipe and blink away my tears backing away from Jackson.

He quickly faces the window looking up at the ceiling.

"Yes honey how could I forget about the fishes! I think we will have to stop home and find you a clean sweater on the way." I say as I squat down to her.

"Have you been crying again?" She asks and I hold back a wave of tears begging to fall.

"No silly! Why don't you go grab your things and we can head out." I say and she glances at Jackson's back before nodding and scurrying away to her room.

"Christina-

"You will stay here until the divorce is final. If you come home Jackson, I will take Charlotte and disappear from your life. That girl loves you, so don't make do it. You're here more than you're home anyways, it shouldn't be no issue for you." I say as I wipe my tears collecting myself.

"I want to be home with my family. You can't stop—" I face him my face and boy hot with anger

"Family!? Which one!? This is only one pregnancy I know about. You're so worry about how you're going to handle it! Were you!? Has this happen before!? Is that why you're so quick and easily can say you got it handled!? You not once even fixed your mouth to apologize at least!" I shout before throwing my hands in the air in surrender.

"What could an apology do for a stab wound to the back?" I ask as I walk out the room leaving him to his tears and figure out a way to collect himself this time.