les sequelles - Cillian Murphy & Thomas Shelby

16. Burden

burden - tommy shelby

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'Arthur.' The man raised his head with his younger brother's tough voice. Thomas could see he was already wasted even though it was pretty early.

'Yeah, Tom?' He noticed the tone of his voice, he probably knew he heard. The man sighed and waited for a while before speaking. 'Look, Arthur. People are telling me things and I'm trying not to listen to them. Someone's taking the money for a while, not putting it back.'

'And what's that got to do with me?' Arthur asked, looking into his brother's eyes.

'You tell me, brother.'

'Are you calling me a thief?'

Thomas closed his eyes and stayed silent, he didn't want to do the talking but it has to be done. 'Ada saw all those fancy little presents you bought for Linda and Michael saw you taking the money. You could've just asked.'

'Ask what? For the money I earn? You're the important man with those big plans and I don't even have the right to take the money I deserve? I do the dirty work and you are the one with that fucking house!'

Thomas was taken aback with his words, he felt the anger burning inside him. He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. 'I work my ass off every day, for you! I do all the thinking and planning and here you are, stealing the money! The dirty work, eh? I'm giving it to you just because you're the one who couldn't get over the war Arthur! It's time to forget! I got over it.'

'Did you, Tom?' He continued when his brother didn't respond. 'Who asked you to do everything? You wanted to expand the business when nobody asked you. You and your greedy actions.'

'I am greedy now? After everyone accepted all the money I gave.'

'Yet everyone in the family hates you. You gave us money but you took everything from us, everything we cared about. You couldn't even maintain two marriages. Do you know what the others think? They wonder when the fuck you will let us go! You are the one who said we're no good for other people but you always keep trying to have a happy family. Linda makes everything easier for me but here you are again, telling me all this shit.'

Thomas was frozen, how could he say that? After everything he had done for his family, they thought he was no good for them. He didn't say another word and left the building, walking without knowing where's he going. Of course, there were times when he was aware of the other's thoughts. Like Ada, the things with Freddie. Then there was John, when he married him to Esme. They hated him several times but in the end, they were a family. The Shelby family was all he had, nothing was persistent but them.

He stopped and looked at the door, his foot took him to y/n's house. He hesitated before knocking on the door, he heard the footsteps and it was opened. 'Is it a bad time?' He asked, seeing the tired expression on her face.

'No, why don't you just come in?' She took a step back to let him go inside and closed the door behind him. 'Give me your coat and go to the kitchen, I'm making tea.' He didn't question and followed her orders, walking to the kitchen. He stayed silent and watched her make the tea, then pouring to the cups and pushing one in front of him. Her moves were familiar, simple and soft. The sight of her face made him relax a little, yet he was still in deep thought.

'Tommy, is everything alright?' He stared at the tea, 'Yes.'

She left her tea and walked to him, waiting for him to look at her. 'What happened?' He recognized the mixed feeling in her eyes, fear and concern. It was the feeling he has seen many times, when he got in with a bruise or worse. It was the look on her face when he woke up from a nightmare at nights. 'I'm okay, really.' She held his hands and intertwined their fingers, getting closer to him, 'Is it something about work?'

'y/n, I don't want to bother you with my problems. Can't we just sit?' She didn't leave his hand and took him to the living room, sitting to the most comfortable chair. 'Just know I'm here for you, I'll listen to everything you'll tell me.'

'Why?'

'Because I love you.' Thomas looked at her, the words meant too much to him. 'Don't you think I am full of problems?'

y/n frowned, she wasn't expecting this, 'Why do you think like that?' He shrugged and glanced away, 'Just... asking.' She watched him and spoke carefully, 'No, I don't. I see the way you are, Tommy. With your flaws and all and at the end of the day, you're the one I love.'

'And maybe that's wrong, you know. My family hates me, y/n. Everyone fucking hates me, everyone I know and even the ones I don't know. Maybe it's because I am the bad man after all and there's no coming back for me.'

'I wish you could see yourself from my perspective. You aren't a cruel man and I think deep down you know it, too. If they hate you, they hate the person they think you are.' Thomas turned his face to her and hold one of her hand, started to play with her fingers. 'Arthur took money again and I talked with him. He said they mostly hate me and I took everything from them. I can't have a family of my own but still trying to be with you.'

y/n was surprised and she slowly cupped his cheek, 'Do you believe that?' He leaned into her palm, 'I don't know anymore.'

'I know how is feeling useless like. Look at my sister; she left school, found a good husband and had two children. She's the apple of dad and mom's eyes. And here I am, graduated from college, still not married and living with my handsome boyfriend. If you're failing, then I'm a failure. Hear me out, you can never make your family happy.'

Thomas saw the broken smile, she sighed and hugged him tightly, the feeling of safety relaxed his tensed body. 'It's breaking me, y/n. I started the business and I just can't give up. I have to continue and all these things are killing me.' He couldn't believe he said it to someone, to her.

'You think I don't know how you feel? It's making you sad, it drives you crazy. Some mornings I want to lock you in the bedroom and throw the key outside. I want to see you without any worries for once. I want you to sleep in peace and when you wake up, I want to see you smiling. The way you live is hurting you and I hate it.' She let him rest on her chest and left a kiss to his head, 'Can't you give a break?'

'Every time I'm with you, it's a break for me. Your existence is what keeps me sane during the day, y/n but I'm afraid all the time. What if it's not the best thing for you? What if you get hurt because of who I am?'

'Please, you are Tommy Shelby. C'mere, love.'

That night, they fell asleep on the couch, bodies interlaced.

She saw the insecure side of him and loved him even more.

That night, Tommy learned he wasn't alone. He realised he wasn't a burden to his family. He knew even he could be loved and he was ready to embrace the feeling.

They knew they loved each other but that night, they fall in love once again.

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From opheliasbrokenmind on Tumblr.