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"So what major does doesn't bother you?" I asked.
"It did but as I grew up it's just something to not feel a way about for real." He said. "And he get mad as fuck cause he know the shit." He added.
"It's really not my fault though it's the fact that my mind won't allow me to be the lil nigga that accepted the shit no more." He said.
"You think that's why it's hard for you to express how you feel sometimes?" I asked and he shrugged.
"I don't know....I don't like being in a vulnerable position cause I have actual feelings so if i'm hurt, i'm hurt and don't know how to express that's without feeling like i'm doing too much. That's for family and all to be honest. I feel like when you stand down you get ran over in any situation. And it's not what I believe that's just what I was taught and what I experienced." He said.
"I used to feel like I couldn't coexist with anybody but that was just my mindset." He said.
The type of father Major was, he was the type to think oh if you're a boy you shouldn't cry, be in your feelings. He was taught to man up and get over things and to be tuff.
"But you let me know that It was okay to feel a certain way and express it even if I was nonchalant and shii." He said.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked as I was finishing up with his hair.
"Mhm." He said.
"Ok Cause like before me I know from firsthand you played wit everybody you been wit' feelings so how I know you won't play wit' mines?" I asked.
"You was my best friend before anything, we talk about our future together every day ion got a reason to play wit you." He said. "You having doubts or some?" He asked.
"What? No." I said as I finished doing his hair and he turned his attention towards me.
"So what you ask that for then?" He asked grabbing his rolling tray.
"I just asked to asked cause I was thinking about it, it wasn't a reason to it." I shrugged.
"Must be if you had to think about it." He said.
"Are you mad at me for asking that?" I asked as he started to roll up.
"I'm not mad but that got me feeling some type of way. Cause if we going good like we said we was then you should already know the answer. I thought I gave enough reassurance but I guess I don't." He said tossing his rolling tray to the side and got up to walk away.
"Siah." I called his name as he went upstairs but he ignored me and I sighed before going to where he was.
"Siah you know I didn't mean any harm by asking that." I said since he seems offended.
"Nah cause you asked that shii more than once that ain't yo' first time." He said looking at me.
