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"Is that why you asked me that shit that night? Cause you was out doing some sneaky shit?" He asked.
"No that's not why I asked and I wasn't doing nothing sneaky Josiah. I promise you I never disrespected our relationship like that. Nothing happened between me and him." I explained.
"So what the fuck you was sayin' when I walked in?" He asked. "What lead up to that?" He asked.
"I was recording a song then we started talking." I said.
The whole song is not about Keilan. Only that one part, the rest was bout my relationship because i felt like we were drifting apart after what happened.
"You feel a way a towards him?" He asked.
"I don't want him, I don't wanna be with him. If you would've heard the conversation you would hear me tell him i'm not doing nothing to jeopardize my relationship." I said and he went quiet.
"Every time that topic comes up I let it be known that I value our relationship Josiah." My voice shook as I began to cry. I didn't wanna lose him.
I should've just never told Keilan how I really felt. I was regretting that whole conversation right now.
"Nah if you valued our relationship you would've never been telling another nigga you feel a way towards him. That shit make me feel like you probably don't feel a way towards me no more." He said.
"Siah I do." I stressed and he chuckled while shaking his head as he pulled out the parking lot.
"My car is here- I'll send somebody to come get it." He said.
"I don't want just anybody in my car." I said.
"Oh." He said dryly and I just sighed. I really hate that I did that. I be tryna be so considerate of everyone else's feelings now look where i'm at. I felt bad about the fact that Keilan felt like he was just delusional for feeling the way he felt knowing I feel the same. I should've kept it like that.
The whole ride back to his house we were both quiet. And by his facial expression I know he wanted to go off on me.
When we got there we just didn't say anything to each other we were just in the room in each other's space. I was sitting down on the bed and he was by the door leaning on its frame.
"I just wanna know why, like what the fuck made you say and do that shit?" He finally said. "You couldn't wanna be wit me like you say you do if you did that shit." He chuckled.
"Josiah I do want to be with you. If i didn't I wouldn't be signing papers for us to buy a house together, I wouldn't have agreed to adopt Jayden with you, I wouldn't be talking about my future with you 24/7. I don't want to be with anyone else and I told him that." I said and he looked at me.
Having that conversation I was tryna head towards telling Keilan that we have to just put our feelings to the side cause i'm not leaving my relationship at all.
