Lost Love

Chapter 10

TRIGGER WARNING *SELF HARM N SUICIDE*

I haven't talked to Leah in two weeks. I can't face to see, hear or look at her texts. I blocked her on everything. I don't know what I was expecting myself to do. I would never move on. Not after she proposed. I think that's what made it 10x worse. Beth had stayed with me for the last two weeks, so I wasn't alone. I don't know where Leah was. Probably at Lucy's. Beth helped me. She calmed me down from panic attacks, crying fits and doing anything more. I had struggled with my mental health and self harming a few years ago, but Leah doing this has set it over the edge again.

'I'll never be good enough for someone. What am I even doing here?'
I kept thinking to myself.

I decided I had to do this. I walked into the bathroom and saw my pills, piled up in packets. I didn't even think before I started taking every single one of them. I slid down the wall, landing on the floor with a bang. The pill packets were around me on the floor. I heard footsteps outside the door.

"Holly? Are you okay?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. I just lay there, I could feel myself slowly drifting away.

Beth kicked the door in, to see me lying there.

"Holly. Can you hear me? Your going to be okay. I'm here now."

I could hear her now on the phone. She had called for an ambulance. I didn't want to be saved. I just wanted the pain to go away. I secretly prayed the ambulance wouldn't come in time. But it did. It came just in time. I lost conciseness. I woke up in a hospital bed, with lines in my hands and a beeping machine. Beth was there.

"Hi Holl. Do you want to talk?"

"Beth I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry but I just wanted the pain to go for good."

"Holly you listen to me right now. I love you. Keira and Chloe love you. The England girls love you. We couldn't do it without you here."

"But Leah.."

"But Leah nothing. You know if you died, you'd never be able to play football again. Never get to read your favourite book, or watch your favourite TV show again. You'd never see your friends, you'd just see their pain. Please don't leave us."

I couldn't talk about it anymore, for now. Keira and Chloe came running in. They just hugged me. Did not say a word. I just sat there crying for ages.

Part of me still didn't want to be saved. But part of me wanted to stay here for Beth, Chloe and Keira. I couldn't leave those three. They wouldn't survive on their own.

*Its a short one but it has a lot of impact. If your affected by this, I love you. Stick around for me. Don't go just yet. I'm so proud of you*