How to Get Out of the "Bestfriend Zone"

Chapter 28

Weeks have passed since the incident. Ilang linggo na ang nagdaan ngunit every single time naaalala ko 'yun, parang paulit-ulit na dinudurog ang puso ko.

            Alam ko hindi ako dapat nangungulila kay Lance. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang nasabi niya ang mga bagay na 'yun. Hay naku Mr. Heart. Kung pwede lang talaga sana turuan kitang kalimutan siya pero peste. Mas manhid ka pa sa'kin, eh. Tama na Mia. Tama na that Lance turned out to be an asshole. Tama na that the only guy you've loved all your life told you that the only time you actually thought you had a chance on being together was a mistake. Hindi eh. Alam mo ba kung ano ang totoong mistake? 'Yun ay ang makilala ka.

            I scrolled through Carly's newsfeed. I can't believe na dahil lang sa isang lalake, magkakaganito kami. Mag bi-birthday na ako two days from now and yet I haven't heard from her. Well, aside from the fact na sinabi sa'kin kahapon ni Joshua na he asked her out. At least may kaunting silver lining din naman sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari.

            I let out a deep sigh bago ko ipinatong ang mukha ko sa dalawang kamay ko. I was having second thoughts whether or not to send her a message. After a while, I found my hands moving towards the mouse.

            "I miss you." And I clicked sent. Bahala na si Batman kung mag reply siya o hindi. Pero sana talaga, hindi niya lang basta isnabin ang message ko.

            Biglang may kumalabog. Ang bag ko pala. I reached for it at kinuha ko ang mga nahulog mula rito. As I lifted up my planner, may biglang nahulog na sheet of paper.

            I studied it. "Ano 'to?"

            I gently opened it. Sulat-kamay pala ito. It read:

Dear Mia,

            Hindi ko alam kung mababasa mo ito pero nagbabakasakali lang ako. Uunahan na kita. Duwag ako. Duwag ako kasi 'di ko magawang sabihn ang mga nararamdaman ko sayo sa personal kasi alam kong mauutal lang ako. Sana 'di mo isiping corny ako or something dahil nga hindi na rin naman uso ang love letters nowadays but I couldn't think of any other way para masabi sayo kung ano talaga ang nilalaman ng puso ko.

            My eyebrows met. Sino kaya ang nagsulat nito?

            Things happened these past few weeks; things that are very hard to explain, I must admit. Things like: nahihirapan akong matulog sa gabi, things like I couldn't stop thinking about you. I know I shouldn't feel this way. And alam ko na pag nalaman mo ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, you would just tell me pagkakamali 'to. Kasi ganu'n kang klase ng babae eh. Marangal ka. Conservative. Hindi mo aagawan ng boyfriend ang iba. Kahit pa si Star 'yan na alam ko kailanman, hindi ka trinato ng maayos.

            Oh. My. God.

            I want to apologize kasi alam ko you've became distant these past few months mula nang naging girlfriend ko si Star. And I feel really sad about it. Nami-miss ko makasama ka. Nami-miss ko ang tinig mo, lalong-lalo na ang mga ngiti mo. Nami-miss kita. May ilang mga pangako rin akong 'di natupad sa'yo gaya nang niyaya kitang manuod ng sine. I saw hurt in your eyes while you were talking to me the day after. And I feel like ang gago-gago ko lang dahil sinaktan kita. Pagkatapos nu'n, nang magkasakit ako, may isang taong naroon para sa'kin. Hindi si Star. Hindi kung sino lang. Ikaw, Mia. Ikaw. Kahit pa nasaktan kita, you still chose to stay by my side. Hindi ka umalis. And that's one of the many reasons why I started falling for you.

            For eight years now, never ka umalis sa tabi ko. And I could never be more grateful.. Sana, walang magbago. Sana, nandiyan ka parin even after thousands of years. I know for a fact na may makita ka mang 'di kanais-nais sa'kin, pipilitin mo pa rin akong tanggapin just like you always did.

            I felt my eyes well up with tears.

            Para sa'kin, you're the best girl in the world. No one is perfect. But if there's someone closest to being perfect, that would be you. You were always ready to offer me a helping hand. You were my wall to lean on. You are my bestfriend. Kaya ayokong malaman mo ang nararamdaman ko kasi natatakot akong mawala ka sa'kin. Alam ko pag nangyari 'yun hindi ko kakayanin.

            Don't get me wrong. I love Star. I do. But, I realize that I love you more. Star and I never had this connection that you and I have. Please don't think I'm being a dick about all these kasi mismo ako hindi ko maintindihan kung paanong minahal kita habang girlfriend ko siya. But one thing's for sure. It's that I've never in my life felt this way towards someone. Sayo lang.

            I'm your superman. But what you don't know is that you're my kryptonite. I just realized that you're the reason why I've been waking up every morning with a smile on my face. Sorry it took so long for me to figure it out. But I just want you to know that I'm willing to end whatever me and Star have just for you. I couldn't love two people at the same time. And I'm choosing you over her.

            I'll fight for you. I'll fight for us. Please give me a chance to prove to you that I love you, Mia. So much.

                                      -Lance