The life of an Indefinite Playerr

Chapter 18

I stood in front of the wooden made podium. I didn't know what to say. I took a quick glance at Maca who had already started crying. The mass of the church staring at me felt really heavy on my shoulders. I was shaking, shaking to death. 

"My love for any woman won't last now, well not like it used to. I was okay with not loving any other person but that was if I don't lose you" I spoke eloquently over the speakers, Lord knows where I got the energy to even utter a word. " I can feel my bones shaking because the thought of you gone still strikes me. Things have proved to be different ever since you set your foot out of my life, I am honestly not coping, I AM NOT COPING!!" tears gushed out of eyes like waterfalls. Hysterically, I wailed so hard the nuns wanted to take me off stage. " I am sorry dear Mom; I feel really responsible for all of this. Had I been a good kid and listened to you we wouldn't be here today. You have been nothing but a good friend to me, but I still find comfort in the fact that in a few months' time I'll be reunited with you my dear angel, we shall meet again and talk... you will still plant those forehead kisses and just know you'll forever be in my heart. In this life or the next, even through death we are not apart just know that. I...lo..I love you." I now couldn't control how I was crying, and my chest was betraying me again.

Everything was turning blurry. "Patrick, I need you to relax and let out a breath slowly, okay?" Tracy said my holding my hands very gentle, looking at me deep in my eyeballs. By that time, I was in the church office, on the soft comfortable pastor's chair. Breathing was indeed getting harder each and every moment. " I think he's having a panic attack, try to make him relax," a voice said. Judging from the scent and shivers down my spine I could tell who was in the room now.

" Sorry Missy, was that you telling me, a doctor what to do?" Chapman turned on her heels to answer Macarena. " Well certified doctors would have already helped dying Patrick here, dont you think?" " Ohh would you shut that little trap of yours and leave, no one actually wants you here." Tracy said as calmly as possible. " ...so that you blow him like you always do in those private sessions you two have? and do not even think of denying because I have seen it!! You messed up cunt" Maca had now gone too far, ohh she had. " At least IM not the reason all of this has happened, I wasn't the shoving their tongue down a dummy's throat in a fucking public park for goodness' sake!!! Next time you decide to be a whore, bitch around people smart like Patrick, will you?" Macarena turned to look at me, "Is that what you tell people about me?""

"ENOUGH!" My dad shouted banging the table. " Tracy aren't you old for you to be arguing with teenagers over a sixteen-year-old boy? Shame on you!" "...and as for you Macaroni or whatever your name is, next time you decide to show up for a McHale event, funeral or even party, dress up like a fucking lady not like Mother Theresa or some Spanish grandma, you got that!!??" he commanded, and the room obeyed silence. It was getting tense and heated up in here.

"May.." I coughed. I still couldn't breathe. "May the both of you excuse us?" I asked.

" He doesn't need you, let's go" Tracy exclaimed violently.

...

After many check-ups with Dr. Moreno, I eventually got out of the cosy office chair. "You okay, son?" My father brushed my shoulder after patting it. Sincerely, I wanted to yell, shout, and smash everything around me. I'll be OK, Dad. I wanted to apologise for Sunday night since it was completely accidental. I apologise deeply. "Son, how we all grieve varies. I forgive you. He sought out in a very soft voice, "Do you need anything?" "Yes, please let's finish this up."

The memorial ceremony continued. Finally, we had to take her to the municipal cemetery. The tears inside me were cooked up by a six-foot pit. The marching Catholic band then sang her favourite song, Hallelujah. I wanted to join in and vocalise it, but I didn't have the skill to do so. Nobody could see how much grief I was drowning in. I wanted to go in there with her and die alongside her. Without a question, she was the core of my world, where everything in my life was in harmony.