Guilty Conscience

Are you Dead?

The blood was everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, on me. I couldn't even process just how much of the stuff there was.

The knife was dripping in the liquid, too. All I could see was red, it consumed me. I couldn't believe I had just done that. Taking my own life was one thing, but to take another's life was on a very different level. It was too much...why couldn't I just have stayed out of it...why didn't I just drop the knife...

"Mr. Iero, did you hear what I asked?" The judge questioned.

"Hm? Oh, uh, sorry, no I did not. Would you please repeat the question?" It was agony just sitting here, now I had made a fool of myself but zoning out during my own hearing.

"I asked if you would mind explaining what happened the night you killed Clay Talion?" She looked annoyed, but bore a smile on her face. I could see it faltering, though. She did not want to have to deal with some low-life 16 year old on a Saturday afternoon. She probably wanted to watch some stupid TV show with her family, if someone could even love someone so strict.

"Mr. Iero, do I need to ask again?" She cleared her throat this time, the annoyance showing more clearly.

"Sorry, Judge Olsen, no, you don't need to ask again." And so I went on to repeat the events on that tragic night that led up to the murder. I left out all the blood though, I'm sure if I said anything about that I would be convicted straight away. I wouldn't be able to explain it in a manner that didn't sound insane. Hell, it was insane.

I honestly wasn't paying attention. Once I spoke about the murder, I wasn't asked to speak again. I think I just annoyed her so much with my zoning out that she no longer wanted to hear me speak, which I was fine with. I took this time to look at the people in the benches. No one was too interesting, everyone had that same, longing expression. The expression of pity.

God, I hated receiving pity from people, it made me feel fucking pathetic. Granted, I probably was, but still.

I continued scanning the room, and once I thought I was done, I caught a flash of fire red hair. I looked closer, and saw a boy, maybe 17, sitting in the very back bench with this neutral expression on his face.

Damn, he was gorgeous. It looked like God had created him to perfection. There wasn't a single flaw on him from what I could tell. I couldn't see much, as we were literally a room away, but from what I could see, he had hazel eyes and a strong jawline. It wasn't too pointy, but it wasn't rounded either. It was just...perfect. I could stare at him all day if I wanted to, unfortunately I didn't have that chance, as I was interrupted by the judge.

"Court adjourned, please be back in 4 months, the 16th of October. I will see all of you then." Thank God. It was starting to smell like overpriced perfume in the court room and I couldn't stand it. She kind of pisses me off, I don't know how anyone could be around her for more than a few minutes, let alone hours.

I was surprised when they let me walk out of there free. I thought they would've at least kept me under supervision, but no, they let me walk out of there. I would prefer if they kept me, to be honest. I didn't want to go back home. Not to her. Not to that spot where the carpet was a little darker than the rest of carpet surrounding it. Not to home itself. It all reminded me of that night, and I never wanted to do something like that ever again.

I walked home, my most-likely drunk mother not bothering to come pick me up. She really did try to be the best mother she could, but to no avail. She had hated her ass of a husband as much as I had hated him as a pathetic excuse for a father. She loved me, I knew that much...but she had more drunk moments than she did loving me and spending time with me. Sometimes, I think she loved her Gin more than she loved me.