Guilty Conscience

Wasn't so Bulletproof, Now Was it?

As I woke up, I noticed that Gerard had wrapped his arms around my waist, and would not let me move. Finally, I was able to wriggle myself free, but not without him whining.

He stirred, still with his eyes closed, and turned around to face me.

"Why are you getting up?"

"Because I need to go change, and you have not earned the privilege of seeing me...indecent." No, I don't want you seeing all of the scars. You can't know that, though, now can you?

A smirk formed on his face.

"What idea is going through your head that has you smirking?"

"Nothing. Go change. I'll most likely be here when you get back."

I chuckled slightly. I know what he was thinking of, I want him to say it. Alas, he won't and I'm not going to bug him forever about it. I'll get him to say it someday, if he sticks around that long.

I grabbed my clothes from my bag, and went into the bathroom connected to Gerard's room.

It was a nice bathroom, spacious and all. I got out of the pants I was wearing first, and sliding some comfy black sweats on instead. I pulled of the long-sleeved shirt I had slept in, but before I could grab the Ice Nine Kills sweatshirt I planned to put on, Gerard was standing in the doorway.

He was staring at me.

"G-Gerard?"

I panicked, and attempted to slip the sweatshirt on, but dropped it because me hands were so shaky. So, I just stood there, frozen, with tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

He still hadn't answered me, he just stood there, scanning my upper body of all the scars and bruises.

I didn't think he was ever going to speak.

"Frank...what...What are all of these?"

I was not able to speak. Only stand there, staring back at him.

He stepped closer to me, and I immediately stepped two steps back.

"Frank...please."

I stepped back until I was against the cold wall. I had nowhere else to go. He could do anything and I would have to sit here and take it.

"W-why are you in here?" My words came out in stammers, as my breathing was rapid, but not a lot of air was actually being sucked in.

"I forgot that you were using my bathroom, I'm not used to having guests over. The door wasn't locked, so I just opened it and then saw you..."

"Please, just f-forget about it."

"No."

I didn't want him to see them like this. I wanted to show him when I was ready. It was safe to say, I was not ready.

"Darling, what happened?"

I tried to gather my voice as best as I could.

"Let me change, I'll tell you."

"Frank-"

I cut him off by making him leave the bathroom. I picked up my sweatshirt off the floor and slipped it on, my hands still shaking. I looked in the mirror. I couldn't stand myself. I hated my scars, but loved the pain that came with them. He was going to tell the whole school, that the freak who sits alone really is that: a freak. He wouldn't like me anymore. He would laugh, and tell me how I should kill myself. He would be right, I should do it.

Tears had finally fallen down my face. I was scared, and my reaction was to cry. My face was wet with the salty water. I looked broken, gone, alone. I looked like someone who should've rotted away a long time ago.