Guilty Conscience

Make Room for Those Who Want More

Gerard had given me a ride home from school. He didn't come inside, just dropped me off and went on his way.

I was in my room at this point, doing my homework. Like, I was actually doing what I needed to do instead of procrastinating. It wasn't bad, just some basic stuff that would take me a little over 45 minutes to get done.

After finishing the work, I got up and went to lay down on my bed and pressed play on my liked songs playlist. Weezer's Slob started to play, so I decided to sing along with it. Could I actually sing? Not as good as other people. Did I still sing when I wasn't with anyone? Absolutely. I was more of a guitar person, rhythm guitar to be exact. I loved all things music. I took music class at school, which not a lot of people knew, besides Gerard, since he was in the class with me.

The song had about finished before I heard the knock. I quickly paused it and froze. I didn't know what to do. I decided to walk down the steps and to the door. I looked out the little peep hole and saw that it was Gerard, standing there, shifting from foot to foot. I made sure my arms were covered and unlocked the door, opening it to reveal the boy I'm in love with.

"Do you need something, Gerard?"

"You left your earbuds in the car, and I thought that maybe you'd want them before school tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks." I took the earbuds from him and stuffed them into the pocket of my hoodie.

He was still standing there, so I figured there was something else.

I sighed. "Gerard. You're standing in front of my house for another reason than my earbuds. What's up?"

"I wondered if I could come in? My dad...he's..."

"Go on..."

"Nothing, he's fine. I just want to get out of the house for a little bit, y'know?"

"Uhm, ok. Come in, I guess. You can come up to my room, as long as you don't mess with anything."

"Lock the door behind you." I said to him.

He fidgeted and nodded, locking the door then quickly following after me as I made my way to my room.

We entered and he looked around. I had everything hidden, so he shouldn't be too concerned.

"How long you want to stay?"

"I don't know, just an hour or so."

"Alright. Well, I'll just be working on some art. Go anywhere, do anything. Make yourself comfortable. There should be some food in the kitchen if you want it."

"Ok, I'll just lay down on your bed for now." He went over and sat down, then let himself fall backwards to lay down.

He looked...sad. That wasn't a look I saw on Gerard very often. He was always smiling, laughing, joking-everything that resembled a joyous person. Right now, he looked like me. Disheveled, broken, defeated, depressed. And over all, he looked anxious.

However, he seemed just fine on the bed, so I let him be. I was working on some new drawings, one that depicted my mental state at the moment. I felt ok, but I was still mad that I had relapsed so quickly. I began the outline of a sky, with clouds dabbled here and there. It's going to be a stormy day with someone sitting in the middle of the road. That's how I feel; like someone who couldn't escape the gloominess so I just gave up and sat in the middle of it. I let it run over me and soak into my skin.

I had gotten pretty far into the sketch of the drawing, with the outline of the boy in the road almost completed. However, I heard the annoying squeaking of my bed that told me Gerard was shifting.