Guilty Conscience

Will Heaven be Able to Help?

"Can you stay just a little longer?"

"Gerard, my mom wants me home."

"Please." He looked at me with a pouty face. He looked like a puppy.

"Fine. I'll stay until the evening, if your father is fine with that?"

"I don't care if he is or not, you're staying and that's that."

"Gerard...You might want to check with him."

"Frank, I don't care about his opinion. He can't do anything about it."

"Ok, but if he gets mad, I told you to ask him."

"Like I care if he gets pissed off or not."

We walked downstairs so Gerard could get something to eat.

"Don't you want something? It's all still warm." He held out an English muffin in my direction.

"I'm not hungry..."

He gave me this look, and I swear he could tell that I was lying. I was, in fact, starving, but I ignored it. I didn't care how skinny I was at the moment, I never wanted to be the fat kid again. The kid who couldn't run. The kid who couldn't see his feet over his stomach. No, I would be different this time around. I would look better. I wouldn't be teased for the number on the scale. I'm not that kid anymore.

"Frank..."

"I said I wasn't hungry."

"But-"

"Gerard."

"Alright, fine. I'll shut up."

"Good, thank you."

"Mhm."

I sat down with him, and pulled out my phone as he ate. I wanted to date him, badly. I just didn't know how he felt about dating me. I guess I would just have to wait a little longer to see his perspective on the subject.

"What are you wanting to do today?"

"I don't know. It's your house. You choose." I replied, not looking up from the screen in front of me.

"Why do you have an attitude?"

I looked up at him.

"I always have an attitude. Deal with it."

"I'm just asking...God, don't have to be so rude. I just want to get to know you."

"You want to know me? Go ahead."

"Well, now you're pissed off."

"Of course I am, this is just how I am!"

"You weren't last night...You were sweet...I want that Frank back..."

I sighed.

"I do too." I mumbled. I used to be this happy-go-lucky kid before my the bullying. I was grateful. I didn't lash out. I hugged people. I smiled every single day. I don't do that as much now. I'm always in a bad mood. I lash out, even when I don't feel mad. I hurt people. I push them away. I didn't want to do that to him. He was too innocent, too sweet for people. I wanted him to want me, but I knew the chance of that happening was slim.

He looked at me.

"What?"

"Nothing. Eat so we can do something but sit here and argue."

"Fine, you prick."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. I deserved it, but it was weird to hear him say it.