Guilty Conscience

The World is Very Ugly

The bell had rung, signifying the end of a school day. It was Friday, so that meant I didn't have to come back until Monday came around.

I didn't have much to do, other than that project with Gerard...but that could wait a couple days. I don't want to talk to him, or to anyone for that matter. Nobody knows that I'm the one who killed Clay, and I would prefer if it stayed that way.

My walk home wasn't anything new, although I did make sure to take my normal route instead of the one I took last time. Thinking of that, I gingerly touched the bruise from last month, it still being sensitive.

I was almost on the street I live on until I was stopped by two guys.

"I saw you talking to Gerard Way. Why?" One of them questioned, with an almost mocking look on his face. The one who spoke had very, afro-like, fluffy hair. It looked maintained quite well, so at least he knows how to take care of his hair. The other one looked like the back-up dancer for the famous person. He was just muscle for afro dude. He had brown hair and was shorter than afro guy.

"I didn't talk to him. He talked to me. I was minding my own business until he followed me to my table. Not my problem. Any particular reason as to why you thought that was an excuse to interrupt my walking?"

"Well, we just think that he's too good for you. So...don't try anything with him, k?" The shorter one spoke now. I just remembered I knew this two idiots. It was Ray and James, Gerard's friends. The ones who beat me up on the last day of school last year. I remembered them, although it took me a little bit. I think I'm going to continue to call Ray afro dude, it's better than his real name.

"Hm...Well, I don't care what you're saying, so I'm going to continue walking. Bye now." I promptly walked away from them, not wanting to get pummeled like they had so humbly done before. I assumed they had walked away, not wanting to waste their time with me.

"Mom, I'm home." The house didn't smell of any liquor this time, so I took that as a good sign.

"I'm in the kitchen, sweets!"

I walked in, and saw her making some brownies. Today must've been one of her good days. I liked these days. I smiled faintly at her, showing some happiness for once.

"Can I have the batter from the brownies?" I immediately asked. She used to be a chef until my father fucked up her life, so I know that whatever she makes is top tier.

"Of course, go upstairs and finish your homework please. These are for later, I'm going to make dinner and serve it around 6, if that's ok?"

I paused. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to stay skinny.

"You know...I've got a lot of homework today. I won't be able to come out for dinner because it will ruin my train of thought..." I looked at her, slightly guilty for not taking her food. She just smiled back.

"I understand, honey. It will still be down here if you decide you want to eat." God, sometimes I think I don't deserve her. Besides the fact that she gets drunk a lot, she really does care for me and love me more than she should.

My room was really plain, a couple posters here and there and some LED lights. My bed was a full, so there was room for me and another person if I wanted. I had a desk in the corner, with the window being right in front of it. I had another door in my room, one that led to my own bathroom, although guests, not that we had any, could also use it. Other than that, it was boring.

I don't know what to do. I have homework, but I can do it later. I just wanted to see Gerard. As much as it pissed me off that he couldn't take clues as to when I didn't want to talk, I wanted to see him. He made me feel happy. That was a rare occurrence.