Jamie's Survival

twelve

"why would you go to a rehab center alone" Lissa stared at me.

"I'm wearing a hat, face mask and sunglasses.. no one will recognize me and I think It's time I quit being a model" I said.

"Have you taken any drug today?" She looked at me.
"Don't tell anyone my whereabouts.. I'll be back soon" I smiled and walked out of the car going inside the centre.

I sat in the waiting area for sometime looking at patients with their family while some were just sitting there waiting.

"Goodafternoon, you look lost" Someone walked up to me.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I'm doctor Nelson" He sat beside me.
"You're really handsome but I'm not a patient if you're wondering.. I'm a model who had a breakthrough after three years of trying" I smiled.

"That's really lucky of you" he said. He looked kind but I know behind those blue eyes he thought I was a crazy drug addict who was making things up.

"I'm here to see a friend" I said.

"Oh, Who's your friend? You can only see them if they want you to" he replied.

"Riley Bush" I made up a name.

"Never heard the name, I've been here long enough" he said.

"Maybe she changed her name.. do you work in administration? Go ask them for Riley Melissa Bush" I smiled praying he'll take the bait.

"I'll check, promise me you'll wait for me" he said

"I promise" I gave him my innocent smile.
He nodded and walked away.
I ran out of the hospital immediately entering the next cab to the penthouse.

I wouldn't be safe in the hospital. They'd force me to live there and torture me.. I can do this on my own. In my house.

I walked into the penthouse dropping my bag.
I sat down tapping my feet and trying really hard to wave off the hunger.
I ordered pizza but yet I felt empty. I wanted to feel some satisfaction.

I entered the bedroom searching the whole room until I found the key I had thrown away earlier. Unlocking the drawer with shaking hands.

I brought out the white powder, I didn't want to do this but I felt like dying.
I want to feel alive. I want to live.
For my family.

I took a sniff and closed my eyes.
How can I ever Let go of this feeling? I love it. I'm not even an addict.
I went for three hours without it.

Addicts normally need em every hour to survive so I'm not one.
I need to find a supplier since this was the last batch and I couldn't contact Mr Pedro unless I Went to him personally.

I can't do that. I'm not an addict. I'm just looking for ways to be happy.