How You Remind Me

3

"Dr. Shepherd, we have an incoming." I heard a nurse rattle off from the nurses station as I approached it "They need you down in the pit stat."

"Alright, I'll head that way right now." I said, I felt a hand on my shoulder just as I was gearing up to make a run for it. The hand was small, familiar and soft, it startled me. I turned to see a shiny pair of dark eyes smiling at me "Ma!"

"Hello dear." She smiled

"What are you.." I glanced around "This is really bad timing."

"Well I can come back later." She said sadly, I sighed and put my hands on my hips

"I'm sorry Ma, I don't mean to be rude." I gulped "But what are you doing here, unannounced?"

"Well you won't answer my calls, or return them either for that matter." She lectured lightly "I can't get a hold of you or your wife...and what's this I hear Mark telling me that you're getting a divorce!"

I gulped harder; I should have known that Mark would blab to Ma.

"Yeah." I nodded "Yes Meredith and I, we're over."

"Son." she gasped, her eyes grew sad and remorseful "How could you give up so easily, this is Meredith we're talking about!"

"Meredith is the one that wanted it Ma." I scoffed "It's the least I could do but grant it to her."

"How could you not try counseling first, go on a few more dates. Everyone hits a rough patch in their marriage, you just have to get through it. I'm sure Father Mannigan can recommend someone in Seattle for you two to talk to."

"Ma." I mumbled, trying not to let my voice crack "I'm sorry, but the divorce was finalized this morning. So that's that."

Her eyes misted as she looked horrified, her mouth gaped open and it looked as if she were struggling to find the words. I knew what that was like, I'd felt it a lot the past month, maybe even longer than that.

"You say it like it's business." She finally said, "it's not business son, its' a tragedy, it's worse than death."

"Ma."

"No, you don't get to speak, except to tell me where your wife is."

"Ex-wife."

"In my eyes...and in the eyes of the Lord, she will always be your wife Derek Christopher Shepherd."

I cringed, it was never good when the woman middle named me.

"So, cough it up. Where is she?"

I heard the beeper on my hip start to shriek.

"She's at work Ma."

"Somewhere here I hope."

"No," I pressed my lips together "she went to work at Mercy West Hospital eighteen months ago. You'll find her there I'm sure." I heard my pager go off again, "Look Ma, I love you, but I gotta run."

"Yes of course dear." She smiled "But I'll be waiting."

I groaned inwardly as I quickly kissed her cheek before spinning around to dash to the OR. Where I hoped that I could clean up someone else's mess, because obviously I wasn't capable of fixing my own.