How You Remind Me

32

The days flew by between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Things were so hectic visiting family and enjoying time with them before they left that Derek and I hardly had time alone.

But it didn't bother me like I thought it might.

I would catch his glance from across the room and he smiled at me the way that he used to, where his eyes would twinkle at me and his lips hooked up crookedly.

I can't remember the last time that I saw that smile...my smile...our smile.

It made me feel warm all over, just like it had always done.

It was now New Year's Eve and we had dinner reservations with Mark and Addison at a restaurant near Time Square. Derek was waiting for me downstairs, as usual. I slipped into the dress that Addison talking me into getting and looked at myself in the mirror.

I gasped in surprise at the woman staring back at me.

She looked human again. Her skin glowed, her hair shined, there were no bags under the lively eyes. Her curves fit the dress perfectly in a way that she knew would make her husband crave her.

I sighed with relief and satisfaction....I was back.

I pulled my wool pea coat over the black dress and wrapped it around me to cover the seductive piece of clothing...I wanted to make it out of the house at least, sue me.

Derek looked patient as I descended the stairs, he looked up at me and gave his famous smile, he greeted me with a soft kiss against the cheek and offered me his arm before leading me to the car and ushering me in.

For a second, I'd forgotten about the last two years. This was normal, this was every day love, this was us.

But I was careful to remind myself, nothing could be taken for granted.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

"Oh! I'm so glad you guys are back together." Addison squealed across the dinner table at us.

"We're not back together." I mumbled cautiously, "We're working on things."

I wanted to make sure that I wasn't presuming things, nor anyone else. Derek wanted to take things slow...I could be patient.

"We're working on things....together." he said, I turned and saw his deep smile, I returned one.

"Well let's celebrate!" Mark said "Waiter, get us four glasses of champagne! We need to toast to new beginnings in the new year."

"You better make Addie's sparkling cider." I said, Addison widened her eyes at me.

"What?" Mark frowned with confusion.

"Oh god." I gasped "Oh Addie I'm so sorry I thought he knew."

She had a strangled expression on her face as Derek and Mark looked back and forth at us with a lost look.

"Know what?" Mark asked "What was I supposed to know."

My cheeks burned with embarrassment and I darted my eyes to my lap as I put my and over my mouth. Too late for it but...well I'd rather not say anything else I'm not supposed to.

"I..." Addison finally choked out "I'm pregnant...we're pregnant. We're having a baby."

There was a moment of shocked silence around the table before sudden giggles and laughter erupted. I looked up with relief to see Mark and Addison hugging and Derek giving out a soft chuckle of surprise.

"Congratulations." He smiled, Mark grabbed her face and planted one on her...Derek cleared his throat but they didn't stop "Well we'll let you two have a moment or two alone."

I felt his hand pull me up out of my seat and tug me through the restaurant up the stairs and out onto the balcony. Somehow we were the only ones out there, looking out over the sea of people crowding the streets as they waited in below freezing weather for the ball to drop. I shivered as I realized I left my coat at the table, but I felt a pair of warm hands run down the cold arms and he pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me in warmth and kissed the side of my neck.

"You look beautiful tonight." He whispered against my ear.

I shivered, this time it wasn't from the cold "You look pretty damn good yourself."

He chuckled. We stood there in a moment of silence as music from one of the concerts played in the distance.

"I can't believe Mark and Addie are having a baby." He mumbled.

"Me either." I giggled "They might be unconventional but I think they'll make good parents."

He was quiet for a few seconds as if he were contemplating something.

"You're happy for them." He stated.

"Yes." I frowned "Why wouldn't I be?"

I felt his smile against my cheek as he breathed down on my shoulder.

"Its just that for the longest time you couldn't even be around the subject without wincing in pain. Its nice to see you happy again."

"I'm sorry." I gulped "I'm sure that was hard to be around. But it doesn't hurt me anymore...I've learned that I needed to let it go-so that I can move on. So that we-can move on."

I turned in his arms so that I could face him. My fingers trailed up his jawline, feeling his stubble softly prickling against my fingertips as they moved back and ran to tuck a strand of his hair back into place.

"I know we're taking things slowly Derek." I whispered "But I love you, and I don't intend on backing out again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.. and I want to have babies with you-when the time comes. I want to have babies with you, and grandbabies, and if we're still around by then...great-grandbabies. I'm scared, terrified but...what matters is having you here. It's what makes everything worthwhile."

He captured my hand in his and turned to press his lips against my palm, he looked deeply into my eyes, as if he was pouring all the love in the world into them.

"We're not ready right now...but someday, we will me." He mumbled "And when that day comes-I won't turn my back, I'll be there holding your hand every step of the way."

We stared into each other's eyes as we heard the crowd calling off the thirty second wait until the clock struck midnight.

"Meredith, what are you doing next Saturday?"

"I don't know." I frowned "We'll be back in Seattle so I am sure that Richard will have us running around until our heads fall off...why?"

He smirked sheepishly "Even if its in the hospital cafeteria...will you go on a date with me?"

I giggled and batted the eyes against the blush in my cheeks "Yes," I smiled "I will go on a date with you...even if we have to eat crappy hospital food."

His grin was so big that it could've illuminated the square. We heard the crown chanting the last three numbers and then cheer. He cradled my jaw into his hands and pulled me into a soft, sultry kiss.

Our lips molded perfectly together like always, his tongue ran smoothly into my mouth and mingled with its long lost mate. He suckled just long enough to create a subtle swelling of my skin before letting go and smiling against my lips, he rested his forehead against mine as I panted softly..

"Happy New Year, Meredith."

"Happy New Year Derek."