How You Remind Me

36

It was a warm spring day, the sun was shining through all the trees and across the lake and made the dew on the spring wildflowers glow and glimmer. It was warm too, as if she were shining down on us from above.

Derek and I made the soft walk up the hill, both of us dressed in black. We were alone, but we wanted it that way. It was just the two of us and our daughter...whom we chose to name Lucy Grace Shepherd.

We stopped at the headstone that we got for her, that was placed under the tree, I knelt down and placed a small sprig of flowers in the vase, as I stood up Derek pulled me close to his side as my eyes started to weep for the memories I never got to have with her.

"So what are we supposed to do now." I asked softly.

"Maybe we should just talk to her, tell her our hearts." Derek answered. I looked at him and smiled, gesturing he go first.

He kissed me on the temple and then knelt down on the grass, his hand caressed over the smooth marble of the baby headstone.

"Lucy." He said softly "I'm sorry we never got to meet face to face. But in my mind and heart I know you were a beautiful little girl. I dream about all the tea parties and the bathroom hogging and everything you would have and could have been." I heard his voice crack and he cleared his throat "But I know that wherever you are now...that you are an even more beautiful being. I will always love you baby girl."

He stood up and wiped at his watery eyes, I smiled softly and patiently before taking my turn. I got down on both knees and moved the flowers around to arrange them better...not that it mattered, but I wanted it to look pretty for her.

"Lucy." I said softly "I never thought about being a mother much. I never had a good mother so I never thought I would be a mother. Sometimes I didn't even want to be a mother...but when I had you inside me, I was scared. But all I wanted was to be your mother. I'm sorry I never got the chance, but I know that however many brothers and sisters you may have in the future...they'll have a good mother because of you. Because you made me want to be a mom. I'll never forget you baby girl...but it's time to let go."

Derek helped me up and we looked at the fresh grass square where we'd buried a box of her things...just baby stuff that we bought for her, it was hers.

He then took my hand and kissed my cheek, we slowly made our way back down the hill and to the house. Neither speaking a word, but not having to. I felt an immense amount of peace suddenly, and the urge to move on.

I turned to him and he turned to me, we stared at each other for a brief second...and then it happened.

I don't know what got into me but I thrust myself towards him and crushed my lips against his in an urgent manner, he felt startled for a second but then met my urgency with his own heated desire. We stumbled across the living room as I pushed his jacket off and tore his shirt wide open, buttons flew everywhere and I heard him growl.

I bit into his lower lip and his moan rippled up his throat and into my mouth as our tongues fought for control. He practically ripped me out of my dress and before we knew it we rubbing our naked bodies against each other. He lifted me off my feet and took a few steps before dropping me onto the couch. I gasped as I felt my inner thighs dripping wet and bit my lower lip as he came down on top of me.

His hard erection pressed up against my thighs, nudging them open...I sprung them open willingly as my lips and teeth tore into the crook of his neck. His lips tenderly nibbled on my earlobe as he teased my opening with the tip of his cock, I arched my back and whined, begging for mercy...he granted it to me with one swift push.

We both screamed out in desire as my tight muscles stretched and acclimated around his large cock. He panted on my swollen lips for a few seconds before meshing his with my own and he began to softly gyrate his hips across mine, moving slowly in and out as he made his way deeper and deeper inside me.

I dug my fingertips into his shoulders and clung tight as I closed my eyes and the memories that I thought were long gone came flooding back to me. How very much I loved this man, how very much I missed him, how incredible he made me feel with a simple touch and wink of his eye.

My head tipped back and my mouth opened as I let out a shuttering scream of pleasure. He shortly followed my own and then collapsed on top of me in a heated pant. We held onto each other for a few long moments, savoring it and not wanting to let it go.

A wide grin spread across my face and I let out a giggle, he looked at me perplexed.

"Funerals make me horny."

"I remember." He chuckled with a kiss.

"I'm glad we did this." I whispered as we turned to look at each other, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. "It was time."

"I agree." He whispered "I'm glad you changed your mind."

"On what?"

"On everything." He smiled "To be honest with you, over the last year I've just been living from one day to the next. I had no intentions of getting married again, no intentions of having anyone else's children. From the minute I met you Meredith, you were it for me. Always have been, always will be."

"You're it for me too Derek."