Elysium

The End 6

I can't breathe, my chest is so heavy and won't stop pressing on my lungs. It hurts, It hurts so much. It feels like I'm drowning within myself, not having a chance to go up for air, Not once. I'm falling deeper and deeper into the abyss, I can't take it anymore. Why does it always hurt so much? What did I do to deserve this? I can't help but chuckle to myself. It's funny how I always have to suffer isn't it? Can I just die already? I dig my hands into my scalp and press tightly against it.

Curled up in a ball I am in a mix of laughter and tears. It'd be so lovely if I just died now wouldn't it ? I sob and begin screaming. I hate this. I don't want this pain anymore. It's too much for me. Why doesn't anybody love me? Why can't someone take this pain away? I'm so lonely and I just want to feel safe. I'm so scared I want to get away from this life. Help me, please. I don't want to die like this. I wish I could feel better, why can't I ever feel any better? It hurts so much I don't even want to wake up anymore. I don't have anything to live for because my fate is inevitable and my misery won't leave me. Nobody's ever going to save me right? I'm always going to be so alone. It's because it's my fault isn't it? It's all my fault, it has to be. Why won't you save me, anyone? Please? Please save me. I don't want to be alone in this darkness and hell anymore. I'm so cold. I can't cry anymore, I lay on my side staring blankly at nothing. Tears are continuously streaming down my cheeks and I ignore them. I see shadows from the corner of my eye taunting me. 

Die Die die die die die die die they whisper into my ear. I close my eyes and smile. Okay.

Many days and nights passed after that. Leo would go off to work or something for a few hours and I'd be locked in my room till he got back. I was really doubting that he was even working, maybe he was just lying to me again. I had nothing to ever do and I stopped reacting to much of what he was saying anymore. Everything felt the same as it was, nothing ever changed and it was so horribly predictable and boring that I couldn't find myself feeling anything anymore. I often thought of Sal and Lucius but I was beginning to forget their voices and faces. Whenever they'd visit their faces would be blacked out as if with a marker. I didn't really react to them either, I knew that I would see them again on another worldline so, it didn't even matter to me that I was forgetting their presence. It was hard for me to feel anything these days, maybe I was going numb entirely.

"Come on Annalina, you're such a snore lately."

Sal whines as he punches me playfully.

I stare blankly at my hands and shrug,

"Sorry I'm not entertaining to you anymore."

I stare at his blackened out face and imagine him with warm brown eyes and a concerned expression.

Narrowing my eyes in concentration I try to remember if this is how my beloved brother looked like. Shaking my head I cross out his face again.

"You can take this back you know."

I take off the dragon pendant that he had given me for my birthday and place it in front of him.

It hurt me to even look at it, knowing it was the last thing that he had given me. He huffs sarcastically and sits beside me on my already worn down bed.

"I'm dead, you know I can't take it with me. Plus, I'm pretty hurt you don't want it." He teases, his voice sounding sad.

"I- That's not what I meant..." I take it back and press it against my chest.

I guess it was kind of insensitive for me to do something like that to begin with. Leo was at 'work' again and he wouldn't be back for a while I guessed. You know, the same as usual, this life was very routine and endless like a record on repeat. I rest my head on Sal's shoulder and pet his soft blonde hair. "I miss you" we both say at the same time. He laughs quietly to himself.