The Boy She Illegally Brought To The Lavender Field (bwwm)

Page 33

The families sat around the dinner table holding conversation.

"Daniel." Nancy called.
"Hm?" He took a bite of the meatloaf Diana made before she left.
"Anything new going on? Promotions at work? Maybe a girl you're interested in?"
Both Daniel and Stephen looked up from their plates at Nancy.

"Why do you care?" Daniel asked.
"Well, I feel like we don't talk anymore. Sometimes I want to know what my son is up to and I know when your father's term ends, you'll move out of the house. I guess I'm trying to cherish it as long as I can."
Daniel looked back at his plate and moved the mashed potatoes around.

"So?" Nancy asked.
"Hm?"
"Anything?"
"No."
"Hm."

The table sat in silence.

"I bet if it was just you and your father you'd have plenty to say." she said quietly.
"Leave the room and we can test it."
"Daniel." Stephen called.
Nancy scoffed. "So it's both of you, huh?"
The men stared down at their plates. "Don't start this, Nancy."
"Right, then it leads back to being my fault. Of course. Nancy's always the problem, never the victim." She tossed her fork onto her plate. "You sit in my face and belittle me while eating your black whore's food. Classy, Stephen." she said and got up from the table.

Both men continued eating as she walked off and back upstairs.

"Bit dramatic." said Daniel.
Stephen scoffed. "Just wait until she finds out you have a crush on Diana's daughter."
Daniel choked on his food.

Stephen pushed Daniel's beverage closer to him to help.

Daniel sipped.
His father waited for him to finish.

"Who told you that?" Daniel asked as he cleared his throat.
"No one needed to tell me anything. I have eyes."
Daniel rested his head in his hands.

"What's the problem?" Stephen asked.
"She's a negro."
"Correct."
"And every time I'm away from her, I remember and I feel guilty and ask myself what I'm doing and why I feel like this. But I still go visit her anyway. I tell myself to make life easy and go find Mary or Cindy and be with them instead, at least then I could be in public with them."
"Then why don't you?"
Daniel shrugged. "Because I don't want to."

Stephen looked at him as he sipped his beer.

"And I don't know...part of me really wants to get over it. But most of me takes turns beating that part of me up and telling it to leave me alone. I just remind myself she's a colored girl and I wonder how the hell I got here. When I first found her attractive, I thought God was playin' some sick joke on me after all I'd done."
Stephen stared at the table.
"But pranks don't usually make you happy." Daniel stated.
"And you're happy?"

Daniel leaned back in his chair and tossed his head over it, his hands over his face as he sighed. "Fuck..."
"It's alright." Stephen promised.
Daniel put his hands down and just stared at the wall.
"I'm upset about it until I look at her." he stated.
Stephen leaned back and crossed his arms to listen.
"I think this goes against everything I was taught. Everything people tried forcing into my head. Then I see her...and she smiles at me with that perfect smile. Have you seen her smile? It's amazing. And in the back of my head, I just think to myself...those people don't know what the hell they're missin'."
Stephen snickered.
"I wanna be like everyone else. I wanna believe what they believe because it makes life easier. They believe negroes are cavemen then I guess I believe negroes are cavemen too, right? Because I want an easy life with no problems and nobody pointing out how I'm different. But she makes that so hard." he groaned.

"I'm supposed to believe they're brutes...but she's nicer than I am! She says please and excuse me! Even when she tries to be sassy with me she can't help but smile and say it softly! How am I supposed to think that's a barbarian?"
This was the longest conversation Stephen and Daniel have had together in years. Even if it was mostly Daniel talking, Stephen appreciated it and knew it was what Nancy wished she could have. He didn't feel bad for her in the slightest. She's the reason Daniel is struggling right now.

"I'm supposed to think she's stupid but she's smarter than me too. She uses these big words when she describes her journaling. I mean I'm smart but once I graduated that was it. This girl reads a new book every week and finishes it by Thursday. She talks like the rest of them do when she's comfortable or excited or angry but she's still smart." Daniel could rant about the topic for hours. "They want us to think they're ugly? Have you seen her? Goddamnit the woman is gorgeous!"
Stephen chuckled fondly.
"She's so...I don't know. She's so her. I've kissed her and when I did the first time, I knew I fucked up."
"How?"
"Because I wanted to do it again. And again. And again. I've never kissed full lips before." he snickered.
"Makes you not wanna go back." Stephen joked.
"I won't ever look at any other kiss the same." Daniel stated. "I don't know how I was kissing small lips before."
His father laughed lightly.

"And I don't know how she feels about me which might make it worse."
"You don't?" Stephen questioned.
"Well...she said she likes me. But she tells me not to flirt with her and a lot of the time she scolds me for kissing her cheek. White girls never did that when they said they like me."
"Well, are you remembering you're not the only one in this situation?"
"Huh?"
"It's not just about you, Daniel."
Daniel was still confused.

Stephen sighed.

"You're worried about your reputation. How all of those people who taught you to hate negro people would respond if they found out you liked a colored girl. What about her? What do you think she's thinking about?"
"The same thing."
"Same thing, different perspective. If they find out, she could be assaulted. In however way they see fit because most of us don't even view them as people. She could be killed because they'll think she was arrogant and forgot her place. All you get is a few stares. She could lose her life."
Daniel stared at the mahogany table after that reminder.
"Her telling you not to flirt with her isn't because of you. It's because of her safety. Remember not everything is about you. And a lot of the time, it's gonna be about her."

Daniel sat there in thought.

"Dad." he called.
"Yea?"
"Why do you like negroes so much?"
"I like them as much as I like the average person."
"Why?"
"I had a nanny just like you. Your grandparents were always out of town and she raised me. I grew up with people trying to tell me about negroes. I used to listen to what they'd say and I'd think, 'This doesn't sound like nanny at all'. They didn't have one at their house all the time like I did, so I started to assume they were making things up. The funny part is that they were. I met my nanny's two sons, great men. Funny men. Kind. Nothing like how people tried to talk about them. My nanny was sweet, maternal, and disciplinary when she needed to be which I didn't really like when I was little but I now know it was necessary. Point is, I came to my conclusion of colored people on my own. Not because of my family or society trying to teach me ahead of time. And my own conclusion was that they're regular people with regular people emotions. I've met more white people that were assholes than negroes. But I still don't call us animals."
Daniel stared at his empty plate.
"I hoped the same for you when I got you a nanny, but...I guess your mother's input was too strong. Diana doesn't deserve the treatment Nancy gives her. Not at all."

Stephen pushed his chair out and stood to go upstairs to his bedroom.

Daniel continued sitting at the dining table, thinking to himself quietly.