Fifty Shades Of Cerulli~Book Two.

Chapter Eighteen

*TRIGGER WARNING*
GRAVE'S POV
All night I had nightmares. Nightmares about miscarriage, about me getting killed and not being able to be there for my family, or even worse, a life without Chris. The dreams were vivid, and bloody, and violent. When I opened my eyes I was glad to just see Chris laying next to me, peacefully sleeping. I was able to shake the dreams off as weird pregnancy dreams, but a small part of me was still horrified. I looked over at the alarm clock next to the bed, it was only 6am, but I couldn't sleep any longer. Chris rolled over and faced me, and his eyes slowly opened as he smiled.

"Good morning, beautiful." He whispered, then leaned in and gave me a small kiss. I smiled at him, and brushed a stray hair out of my face. "What are you even doing up so early, you should probably be getting as much sleep as you can." He said. I shook my head and then sat up to stretch.

"I just had bad dreams all night, it's fine, though. I slept long enough." As soon as my feet hit the floor, I felt it. I immediately sat back down on the bed, and Chris rushed over to me. He got on eye level with me and grabbed my hand.

"Grave, is everything okay?" He was concerned. I nodded my head, and kept my mouth shut. This was the worst morning sickness I had ever felt, and to think I was only about a month pregnant. I could only hope this would pass. "Do you need the trash can?" I nodded my head at his question and he ran into the bathroom to grab it. Chris sat next to me and held back my hair as he rubbed my back.

"I'm never doing this again, ever." I expressed in between my hacking.

"Damn, I was thinking we could give them a brother or sister after this." I was hoping he'd say he was joking, but he never did. I proceeded to vomit even more, not even from the morning sickness, just the thought of doing this again.

"Absolutely fucking not, I will never do this ever again." I emphasized. He grabbed the trash can from me and put it on the ground when I was finished. I stood up, and Chris got up with me. He was cautious about every move I made, and wanted to have eyes on my at all times. I finally turned around when I got to the bathroom.

"Are you gonna watch me pee, too?" I snapped at him. He backed up and put up his hands.

"Excuse me for being a little worried about you. You are kind of growing a whole ass human." He defended himself as I shut the bathroom door. I pulled down my pants, and there was blood, everywhere. I yelled out for Chris to get in the bathroom, and he barged in. My eyes were wide, and I wasn't t sure what emotion to express. Panic, disappointment, surprise. I felt all of them, all at once.
After being rushed into the hospital, we ended up sitting in a room for what felt like hours, just waiting for answers. Chris' leg was shaking uncontrollably again as he sat next to me, and I was just staring into space, thinking about every possible outcome. His fingers were intertwined, with his elbows resting on his thighs. When the doctor came in he sat straight up.

"Well, after the scans and everything, it looks like what you had was indeed a miscarriage. We ran some more test, and I'm so sorry, Mr. And Mrs. Cerulli, but this may never be a reality for you." The words made my heart sink down into my stomach, but I felt as if Chris was going to take this harder than me. I saw tears well in his eyes, and he stood up with his hands in his pockets.

"What do you mean?" He asked, knowing exactly what it meant, but hoping they'd say something different.

"Grave's body is an inhospitable environment for a baby, a baby can not grow in it. Her body basically rejects it, as if it's a virus." The doctor explained. I felt like I was hearing the words, but that they weren't real. I was in shock.
We got checked out of the hospital, and got back on the tour bus where we had to break the news; there was no 'Baby Cerulli', and there would never be. Chris and I didn't talk for hours, we were just too in our thoughts. We were on separate ends of the tour bus, and the silence was deafening. No one was speaking. Finally, Ricky sat next to me on the couch.

"Is everything okay, Grave? You haven't said a word to anyone since you told us." He looked at me with worry filling his eyes. I shook my head.

"I don't even know what to say, or how to feel. It definitely isn't a pleasant feeling to know that we can never have kids, though. It also isn't pleasant knowing that it's my fault." I told him. He cocked his head to the side.

"Grave, it's not your fault. Chris is back there, beating himself up because he knows it was him, he knows it's because of what he did. Think, y'all had a kid before, and yeah he wasn't healthy, he was very sick, but that wasn't your fault. Chris knows it's because he made you immortal, he should have known this wouldn't be a possibility." It killed me more knowing that Chris was blaming himself. Ricky wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a hug from the side.

"Grave, your marriage has been tested repeatedly, don't let this be the end of it, and I promise, he won't let it be the end either. That man loves you more than life itself." Ricky assured me. He kissed the top of my head, making a rather exaggerated 'mwah' sound, and Chris walked up to us.

"Ricky, mind if I steel my wife back from you so I can talk to her?" Ricky quickly got up from the couch and Chris took his spot. He placed his hand on my thigh and looked over at me. I could tell he had been crying.

"We're going to figure this out, Grave. I promise. We can adopt, or get a surrogate, or we can just get a lot of dogs. We will get through this together." He put on a strong face just for me. Then he grabbed both of my hands and looked me in the eyes. "I fucked up, I turned you immortal, and I should have known. It kills me knowing that I'm the reason for this pain, but I want to fix this. I don't know how, but I need to fix this." He was right, I'd never let him know that, though. How do you fix this? You can't, I felt like I was eternally fucked.