solace | eddie munson x reader [y/n]

024

You thought...well, hoped...that things with Eddie would change after that night at The Hideout. With all the touching, feeling, words exchanged, and open affection that went on you figured it might escalate your relationship. Hell, you two even evaded the police together.

Except nothing happened. Everything was the same as before, nothing more nor nothing less.

Eddie had you skip history with him to do some deals at the picnic tables occasionally over the next couple of weeks. Anytime someone asked why you were there, he told them you were his "accountant". You were surprised by some of the students that were customers of his. But you were more troubled by the fact that the brunette was acting like nothing was different. Does he not remember kissing my neck? Did he not know that would steal my heart completely?!

       Your mind was a frazzled, frustrated mess between that and the impending soonness of Christmas break. This worry must have been written all over your face, for Ms. Kelly picked up on it as soon as you walked into her office.

You had been losing a lot of sleep over Eddie. Most nights you would toss and turn, sighing angrily when your thoughts kept spinning. It was fun when you had a crush on him since imagining his cute face helped you slip into dreams.

But being in love with him was not the same. It felt physically painful laying there in the dark, as if your heart was actually reaching out for him; it swelled against the cartilage of your chest to make an uncomfortable tightness, ready to burst out and fly right into his hands.

So, the bags under your eyes sunk in swollen purple crescents, very obvious when you looked at the guidance counselor across from you.

"Anything you want to talk about?" the soft-spoken woman urged. She started sessions by opening the floor for you to direct the conversation, and that first Thursday in December was no different. "You look...tired? Stressed?"

It crossed your mind to give in to the automatic reaction and lie, chalking it up to nerves about exams. You were genuinely nervous about exams since you had missed more classes than any other semester thanks to a certain rebellious boy. But you were more worried about his exams than yours.

The sudden spike in insomnia was also likely related to the fact that it was now December. Eddie had been a good distraction from this, but Ms. Kelly had a note in your file to remind her. The final month of the year was a point of struggle for you. A deadly combination of the cold weather, lonely holidays, extended time at home, and the three-year anniversary of your father's death crept into your heart and waited to consume you entirely.

The counselor recalled how you described your behavior during the winter of sophomore year; her notes were a scrawled record of loss of pleasure in all activities, reduction of physical movement, numbness, excessive feeling of worthlessness, diminished ability to think, recurrent thoughts of death without specific plan, reclusion from the outside world, struggle to take care of health & hygiene during episode.