Our Married Life

20

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Chapter 20

Together

"Liz..."

Agad akong palihim na nagpunas ng mga luha ko. Nakahiga na ako sa kama at nakatalikod sa direksyon ni Hale na galing lang bathroom at ngayon pa lang hihiga na rin sa tabi ko sa kama namin.

I silently cried thinking about his kids. I thought that I made a mistake when I took their Yaya Celsa away from them... Kung wala naman akong sinabi kay Hale ay hindi siya magdedesisyon na paalisin na lang ang nanny ng kambal. And now I doubt if I could really be a mother... Muli pang tahimik na bumuhos ang mga luha ko.

Naramdaman ko na si Hale sa likod ko at ang sumunod na yakap niya sa akin. "What's wrong, hon?" Malambing na tanong sa akin ni Hale.

At lalo lang yata akong naiyak sa yakap at lambing ng boses niya. "W-Wala..."

"You can talk to me..." Marahan niya akong pinaharap sa kaniya na hinayaan ko naman.

Ngayon ay magkaharap na kaming nakahiga sa kama namin. Hale wiped away the tears in my eyes. "I noticed that you looked down, kanina pa sa dinner natin... May problema ba? May nangyari while I was not around? You can tell me, please. I'm worried, Liz."

Bumuhos pa ang luha ko. Hale's eyes widened a fraction seeing me cry. I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Hale. For making you worry about me... Nagkamali ako, Hale..." I cried. "Mali ako. Dapat hindi ko hinayaang mapaalis si Yaya Celsa dito sa bahay..."

"Liz... I told you, it's not your fault. At ako naman ang nagpaalis sa kaniya. Ikaw nga ang nagpabalik sa kaniya ngayon, hindi ba?"

Unti-unti akong tumango. Hale smiled and continued wiping the tears off my face. "See... Masyado ka nang nag-aalala para sa mga bata..."

"Hindi ko naman kasi maiwasan, Hale. They are your children, and I promised you na magiging mabuting ina rin ako sa kanila... Pero..."

"What is it?"

Now my shoulders were shaking because of my uncontrollable tears. Pinabangon ako ni Hale at napaupo na lang kami sa kama.

"I realized... Hale, paano kung hindi pala talaga ako handang maging nanay? Paano kung ito pa lang ang simula at puro na lang pagkakamali ang magawa ko sa kambal. Paano kung mapasama lang sila dahil sa akin. At paano kung sariling anak na natin, Hale? Paano kung sariling anak ko na..." I was so scared thinking about all these thoughts. "Baka hindi ako fit na maging ina, Hale. Paano... Ano'ng gagawin ko... Paano..." Even my hands were trembling.

"Hush, Liz." Dinala ako ni Hale sa dibdib niya at niyakap. Hinawakan din niya ang kamay ko.

I cried more on his chest and wet his shirt with my tears. I was experiencing anxiety with the thought of not becoming a good parent. I was so in doubt of myself if I could ever be a mother to a child...

"Please stop worrying about it. I'm not a perfect parent myself, too, you see. I have a lot of shortcomings to my children. I am afraid, too..." Halos bulong lang ito at humina ang boses niya. "But you don't have to be scared, Liz... Because I am here. You are not doing parenting alone... You will do it with me... We will do it together."

Hale's words somehow comforted me... I'm not alone...but there's someone to help me. Bumuhos pa ang luha ko at yumakap ako sa leeg ni Hale. Nagpatuloy lang din siya sa pagyakap sa akin at pagpapakalma. He comforted me until I think I got tired of crying too that I fell asleep in his arms. And the next morning when I woke up I was already feeling lighter... Parang nabawasan ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko. At salamat kay Hale. I'm glad that he's my husband...