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1 - Waiting

((This is a story I started writing a long time ago but had to make some adjustments as there were parts that I was not happy with. The story has returned, and hopefully will be finished this time. It is also a request by some of you to bring it back so, that is what I am to do.))
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"Mama? Please, I will be good, can you open the door?" I asked.

All I received was silence.

The icy air whistles around my ears, leaving an aching chill that stung my cheeks. My nose was closed as moisture started to freeze within my nostrils. My fingers and toes are going numb, but it's a good feeling, it lets me know that I can still feel, the pain is soothing to me. My legs trembled under the cold as I knelt on the plush snow filled ground and sharp pebble underneath.

The air smells pure and fresh. Everything seems quieter, almost muffled. There is a sense of serenity in the atmosphere. The sky was dark, barely a star in sight. Warm salt liquid sinks down my face and the chill in the air frosts it in place. The world was cold. My body was cold. My blood was cold. My heart was cold. My heart was building icicles as it was so cold. I didn't care if I was cold. I didn't care that it was dark. I didn't care that I couldn't see ten feet beyond the house I was kneeled in front of. I didn't care that I was kneeling outside the door for a long time. I just wanted the door to open.

Why didn't it open?

Why is she not opening the door?

Where is she?

Does she not love me anymore?

Was I not a good child?

I missed her warmth. The way she spoke to me when I was studying. I didn't like it when she teased me, but I did at the same time. I loved to see warmth when I looked into her eyes. I loved it when she would sing to me. She would sing, and I would sleep. It was the most comfortable feeling I have ever felt. To feel that again, I would kneel here forever if I had to. I just wanted her back, I just wanted to see her again. I wanted to inhale that sweet smell of lotuses that she fragranced. It was a good smell, it was a smell of home.

As I knelt on the cold hard ground, the warmth of a hand tapped my shoulder, "Wangji," a deep but calming bass voice said to me. I turned my sleepy, tear filled eyes to the voice, "She is gone, Wangji. It's past curfew. Let's get you to bed."

It was my Uncle, Lan Qiren, or Shufu. Beside him stood my older brother, Lan Huan, courtesy name, Xichen. I call him Brother or Xiongzhang.

"I don't want to leave," I said to Shufu, "I want to wait for Mama."

"Wangji, she is gone, and she isn't coming back," Shufu said in response.

"What do you mean? Why would she leave?" I asked, "was I not good enough?"

"Wangji, you are a good and kind child, but some things just happen. She has gone into the stars now," Shufu told me.

I looked up, "is she happy there?"

"She is, she can get a better look at you as you grow. She can watch over you, and protect you better," Shufu said.

"Will I ever see her again?" I asked.

"Perhaps someday," Shufu said, "now, let's get you to bed."

"Shufu, can Wangji stay with me tonight?" Brother asked.

"He can," Shufu said, helping me up.

I stumbled as I stood. Being small enough, Shufu was kind enough to carry me back to Hanshi (Frost Room), where my brother stayed. Shufu checked my legs and saw they were bruised and a bit cut and bloodied from kneeling on the ground for so long. He got a small tub of warm water to clean up my legs. He wrapped a bandage around each leg and left me alone with Xiongzhang for the night.

I was silent. That night, it was the first night I started to feel more reserved. I didn't want to speak, not because I didn't actually want to, but because I just had nothing to say anymore. The ice that built over my heart stayed, causing me to become more cold and withdrawn.

I just laid there on the bed that night in the Hanshi, staring out the window. That was the first night I found myself fond of the night sky. Fond of the moon's glow, and twinkling constellations that mapped the sky. I always looked up, trying to find her. She was up in the stars, that was what Shufu told me. So I always looked to the stars. No matter how much I looked, not a single tear fell from my eyes anymore. The cold crisp air froze them away.

Thus, I became a disciple at The GusuLan Sect where everyone found me to be cold, expressionless, and potentially just like my Shufu. I followed him and his rules until I knew everything like the back of my hand. I no longer had worldly pleasures or desires. The only thing I wanted was to cultivate and become a righteous person within my sect. So that is what I strive to do, and that's what I did.

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Just so you all are aware, Lan Wangji is 5 years old and Lan Xichen is 7 at the moment.

This story also may contain mature content, such as Language, Abuse, Trauma, Mental Health, and Sexual Content.

I know it's a short first chapter but I will have longer chapters.

This is a Wangxian story, of course, but I wanted to share a story that followed Lan Wangji and his lifelong hardships and struggles. So I hope you guys take a liking to it.