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27 - Burdens

I was angry. I was more than angry, I was furious. Yu Ziyuan had the audacity to abuse Wei Ying with three different sects in one location. She was probably wondering how I knew where to find them, but she didn't need to know. She never will know either. Brother told me that it has been decided that her golden core has been removed. She can no longer cultivate and use her spiritual tools. That was when she handed her Zidian over to her daughter, Yanli. I almost expected her to give it to Wanyin, but she gave it to her daughter instead.

Wei Ying told Yanli that he can train her when he recovers. I offered to help her in any way too. To start, I actually decided to guide her with meditation techniques and different types of ways to gain spiritual energy. I asked her if she had her own sword. She said yes, but she never wanted to use it. She wants to cultivate, but does not want to use a sword, as she felt it did not suit her. I respected that. With Zidian, it was a start but a sword will be more of use later.

Wei Ying suggested Fan martial arts. It's more suitable for female cultivators, and they find it more useful to use. It was also a way to learn wind cultivation, so I think it would work. I felt that Wei Ying and I would need to learn the art to help her properly. Wei Ying said he needed fans first. I said I could go out and look for some but he said he knew how to craft them and felt it was something he could do while he healed. If spiritual energy was needed, I told him I would help.

My brother and Yanli were with us in our room. Wei Ying was sitting at the table carefully working as he said he would. Though, Wei Ying has been a bit down lately. I could not blame him. He does not like being kept cooped up but he has to heal.

"Wei Ying?" I asked quietly, trying to get his attention.

He stopped fiddling with bamboo for the fans and looked up at me, "what?" He asked.

"If you are upset, you shouldn't keep it trapped inside your head," I told him, "you look stressed...we can finish these fans after you heal."

He shook his head, "I need the distraction," he said.

"If we were alone, I would give you a different type of distraction," I whispered into his ear.

Wei Ying's eyes widened and looked at me, "so shameless, Lan Zhan," he told me.

"I do not know what you mean," I said and took a sip of my tea.

"Shijie and Xichen-Ge are in the room, and you decide to be playful and shameless?" Wei Ying asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Butting into your conversation, I wonder who enjoys flirting more these days, your brother or my brother?" Yanli teased.

"It is hard to say," Brother said, "Wangji is definitely learning a lot from your Shidi."

"I am noticing that," Yanli said with a smirk.

"Huan-Ge, Shijie, no teasing," I warned them.

"Lan Zhan, you started all of this by teasing me first," Wei Ying told me.

"Why are you adding fuel to their fire?" I asked.

"Because I like to get you flustered," he said, "you always look so cute when your ears turn red. I like that you blush with your ears. It's so adorable."

"Wei Ying," I growled under my breath. He just giggled.

"How are you actually feeling today, A'Xian?" Yanli asked.

"I do not know yet," Wei Ying answered, "it is like I want to say that I am doing okay, but both mentally and physically, I feel tired...vulnerable and weak."

"Wei Ying, you have been through a big ordeal. It is normal to feel this way. I want you to know though, you are not weak. You are the strongest person I know," I told him.

"I doubt it," Wei Ying said, "I...always wear a mask and pretend that everything is okay and I am not bothered by anything. I am just living the way my parents would have thought was best for me."

"What do you mean by that? What they thought was best for you?" Brother asked.

He sighed and held his head back as if he was holding tears back, "I can't," he said, shaking his head.

"Wei Ying please," I probed.

He swallowed as if he was hesitating but spoke after a moment, "my parents left me when I was little. The last thing I remember was a promise I made to her. After that her and my dad disappeared and I thought they left me because I wasn't good. I walked the streets for a long time, fighting off vicious dogs which became a fear of mine...when Uncle Jiang brought me here, I immediately knew I didn't belong here. Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang would fight all the time, and I become the main reason for them.

"Because of their fighting, it always causes a rift between Jiang Cheng and me. I feel like it's a broke family because of me. Madam Yu is now doing time for what she has done...but I feel her rage towards me is valid. I always feel like I deserve it all.

Lan Zhan, you also got kicked out of your sect because of me, which is another family I pretty much tore apart. With all that, I can only blame myself for everything that has happened. I'm tired of being the burden," Wei Ying explained.

Wei Ying basically broke down. He tried his bed not to cry and he had every reason to do so, "why are you holding back your tears?" I asked.

"The promise I made to my mother, she had my promise to always smile. That my smile is too sweet to be sorrowful," he answered, "she also said this, 'remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don't hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free'."

"I am your family," I told him, "I am your soulmate and fiancé. My brother is your brother. You have your Shijie, who I know cares the most for you here. You don't have to hold back your tears for us, or at all to be honest. You are not to be blamed for all that has happened. Madam Yu is a jealous woman and will find any excuse to argue. You have to understand that you can't blame yourself for every little thing that happens.

Also, I told my uncle that I would leave the clan if he did not accept you. Not only that, he thinks there is something wrong with me for being a cut-sleeve. I chose to leave and he just didn't care. He has always been the most strict with me. Ask my brother. I was flogged at the age of like six or seven and whipped with our discipline whip at the age of twelve. I almost lost my life to that whip, but here I am now. I am alive and I am here with you."

"He's right, Shufu flogged him because he only just walked by the Jingshi one time, and then took five whips from the discipline whip because he wanted to live in The Jingshi...our mother used to live there before she died. He's been more harsh on Wangji than on me," Brother told him, "After getting whipped, he didn't go to the infirmary to recover. He was found a while later on the floor of Jingshi bleeding out. Just looking into my didi's eyes, I knew that his life was slipping away. It was perfect timing for Yuwang, his rabbit, to show up in time for him. She was the only thing that kept him motivated enough to keep going. I told Shufu that if something happened to Wangji, I'd whip him triple the amount he gave Wangji."

"Lan Zhan," he said, hugging me, "I'm sorry you went through that. But what am I supposed to do now?"

"Take it a day at a time," I said, "you are not a burden, and you are not to blame for anything that happened. You are an amazing person, Wei Ying. Please do not ever forget that."

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back to him, "we are here for you. I am here for you. We will help you through this."