Not just a script! OiSuga

Chapter 9

is shit gonna go down?

Sugawara's POV

-a/n: most new chapter will be a little time skip. a week or two just bc i feel like the story is moving too fast so i'm putting time spaces between it all.-

"Jeeez, what a day!" Oikawa sighed loudly, collapsing onto his bed face first. "I could sleep for a decade!"

"Tell me about it." I laughed, joining him on the bed but facing upwards instead. "Sleep sounds like heaven..."

"But..."

And as if reading each other's minds, "Homework"-"Homework" we both said in unison with a sigh from the both of us.

"I'll get the coffee."

"I'll pick the record."

And just like that, we separated ways. I stayed in Oikawa's room, flipping through his precious vinyl collection as Oikawa went downstairs to grab the large carton of Iced coffee. It's like a tradition at this point.
Theres a point in school where homework starts to get a little too much and we have to cram it all into one day.
I don't know about Oikawa, but working with him certainly makes it easier to do work. Feeling human certainly does help you intellectually.

He returned the moment I'd chosen the music and carefully placed it onto the record player. I admired his collection a whole lot. His records had the same affect as my book shelf. Something beautiful to look at but even better to use. Something magical to bring light into your life. A distraction, another world, an escape.
Oikawa only brought the carton, no cups, knowing we're both far too lazy to pour the coffee into a cup and more than happy to just chug it.

We set up our work on the floor and each took our seats. We set a timer for one hour, twenty minutes, and another hour and a half. The twenty minutes for a break and the two and a half hours for work cramming.

The first hour passed.
The first hour is always the longest hour. The hour that makes you dread every minute and every word you write down. The hour that makes you regret every life decision ever to the point you consider actually dropping out of school to become strippers.

But we survived and we were now having a well deserved break.

"Fuck. School." I complained, breathlessly, like I'd just ran a marathon. "My hands hurt. My eyes hurt. My brain hurts."

"It's only been an hour.." I glared at Oikawa for invalidating my pain. "But you're right. Fuck school. Also, you have pen on your face."

"What where?!" I jumped up to my feet to look into the mirror that hung on Oikawa's wall. Only.. "Where's your mirror gone?"

"Eh, fell and broke. Just, let me." He stood up to match my height. Well- no. He's much taller than me and much bigger (and I loved it).

"Let you...?" He licked the face of his thumb before wiping it on my cheek, "Ew, Oikawa, gross!" He only laughed at my complaint and continued to wipe the pen away.

"There. All gone. Your beautiful face is clean."

I probably blushed at this. I probably looked like a total idiot. "I'd hardly call your spit 'clean'."

He gasped dramatically. "Excuse me. Everything about me is very clean!"

"Your mind sure aint." I mumbled, but smirked at my not so great comeback. 

"Oh, really? You wanna play that game, huh?" Oikawa took a couple steps towards me, forcing me to take a couple steps back, shocking me when my head his the wall.

"What game, Oikawa. I'm just stating the facts. You probably cant even look at a pretty dude without thinking about something sinful." I laughed in attempt to hide my total awkwardness and nervousness. I mean he did just call me beautiful only a second ago. Am I really accusing him of having sexual thoughts about me?! God, and im practically trapped between him and the wall too... stupid Koushi!

"Huh? I wouldn't call this sinful.."

This? "This?" And, skipping a heartbeat, Oikawa did something Oikawa would only do in a dream. But i'm not in a dream. Oikawa leaned in. "Hey- wha- Oikawa!" I 'served' away from Oikawa in a way it made me fall right to the ground, hitting my elbows on the hard floor. I hissed at the pain and that horrible tingle you get when you hit your elbows.

"Shit. Sorry. I thought- I mean- Are you okay?" His words were jumbled and I could almost guess what was going through his head right now.
He asked if I was okay but I know the only thing going through his mind is the fact that I'd just voided his attempt to kiss me by literally throwing myself on the floor. I immediately felt guilty... shit. Why did i do that... why was that my reflex... why can't i fucking be normal and take a kiss from the man i love. Why did my brain have to sacrifice myself. Shit he probably hates me. He probably hates himself. Shit, I've just ruined our friendship. I've just ruined the only person I had left-

Shit shit shit- "I'm so sorry i-"

"I have to go!" I spat out, wanting to get it out before the tears I felt forming behind my eyes fell. Shit. Shit shit shit.

"What? Wait but-"

"I'm sorry, Oikawa." I quickly grabbed my bag from the floor, leaving the work scattered on the floor, and practically ran out of the house. I ran fast, faster than i'd ran in any volleyball match, faster than I knew my legs could bring me. I was slamming my bedroom door closed behind me before I knew it. Hugging my bag close to my chest, I slowly collapsed onto my bedroom floor.

My eyes immediately filled with falling tears, my bottom lip ready to show blood from how hard I bit down onto it as an attempt to hide my whimpers and sobs. Everything felt so unreal, i felt like i was both floating but weighed a thousand pounds. I felt dizzy.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-" I continued to apologise as if begging for his forgiveness despite him not being here. "I'm so sorry Oikawa i-"

I'm in love with a man who apparently likes me back. A man who tried to kiss me and the man who I've probably ruined everything with.
I couldn't let him kiss me. I couldn't let him throw his life away like that. I can't let him fall for a guy like me. A guy who abuses himself, a guy who's more computer than human. A guy whos brain is fucked up in so many ways you can't even describe it. I couldn't let Oikawa put himself in a position with a duty of looking after some fucked up weirdo like me.

[A/n: ⚠️ TW, self harm. If u choose to skip, summary will be attached in the comments at the bottom of the chapter]

Kissing Oikawa is a dream only a crazy person wouldn't want. Kissing Oikawa is my dream. But my dream is a perfect word. A world where I didn't feel so shit all the time. A world where my body could tan everywhere and not leave out those white scares to show. A world where I smiled but because I was happy and not because the director told me to.

And... I couldn't possibly keep this a secret from him if he were to kiss me... It would break him... it would break me... I cant let him.

With a blink of an eye I'd somehow equipped a blade in hand. My eyes were blurred, disabling me to see anything clearly. My hands shook violently, my now bare skin grew goosebumps. The cold metal touching my skin made me jump. But I just pressed harder until I dragged it along a bumpy line leaving a hot sting. My vision wasn't clear enough to see the damage and my body wasn't in control enough to feel the pain.
My hand moved down an inch and repeated the action without any order.
I felt blood trickling down around my wrist making what looked like a blood bracelet.

"I'm sorry, I can't let you do this to yourself, Tooru.."

I will myself to sleep, because when I wake up, it's all going to be a goddamn bad dream. I'll wake up tomorrow and i'll be with Oikawa, laughing about something someone did in practice, because today didn't happen. And Oikawa and i are still Oikawa and Suga.

[A/n: gosh. this was almost a happy chapter.

If you choose to skip, summary is:

[Here]