Not just a script! OiSuga

Chapter 24

Oikawa's POV:

I walked in on Suga laying completely lifelessly on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, his bare chest slowly moving up and down as he breathed and being completely lost in thought.

I'd just got home from school. How did he get here so fast?
"Hey." He quickly swung his head to my direction. I must have startled him since he looked at me with a scared expression, but it quickly relaxed into a precious smile.

"Hey." He answers. "Didn't have practice. Here i am." I nod my head at the explanation, but he could've at least messaged? It was just a bit of a shock since i'm always first to arrive.

I walk up to the bed where Suga sat. He wore some grey joggers that had stains on from who knows where, and no shirt. I praised the lords and whatever else is up there for gifting me with such sights. "Take a picture." Suga comments, sounding unamused. "It'll last longer."

I knew he was being sarcastic, of course, but having a picture of this scene sounds amazing. So i shrugged, "Okay, stay still." I took out my phone from my pocket and snapped a cute picture. He posed with the most precious and wide smile.. I'm totally saving that as my lock screen.
"So," I sat next to Suga on the bed and my eyes still remained exploring his body. God his body. Literally. God must have personally carved Sugawara's body with time, caution, and thought. It's the only explanation for how he's so goddamn fucking beautiful.

[Tw: slight mention in self harm tw]

Suga wasn't super jacked up and muscles, he had muscles, he was strong and it was visible, but in a cute sexy way.. He had a six pack, it wasn't sharp, it was soft which went with his baby smooth skin perfectly. Suga had quite a small figure, actually. I was almost half a foot taller than him and i couldn't imagine a more perfect fit for the both of us.
My eyes travel everywhere, his torso, his face, his legs, his arms.
His arms were bumped and indented with red, white and purple lines. Some still scabbed but it was clear none of them were recent. Not too recent.

Suga had talked to me. A lot. I was surprised at the amount he spilled out for me to listen. Overwhelmed at the things he was telling me. Scared at the images he built in my head.
He told me his reasons, his feelings during or not during.
He told me he thinks it's genetic. He says his dad had mentioned hints about his mother that is no longer with us.
He explained in more detail about me, about why was I the exception and if it scared him.
He said, and i quote, 'I know it sounds cliché, but love makes everything seem better, but i cant always feel love around. Not that I can feel, anyway. Not usually. I usually feel like I'm drowning'. And each word both broke me and gave me hope. Hope for Love.

Then my eyes focus on the frayed red ribbon that tied around his wrist. The colour was washed away into a faded pinkish colour by now and the 2 week old material looked ready to snap any second now. I wonder what he'll do when it breaks. I wonder if he'd notice or if he's forgotten he even wears it. Maybe he'd try fix it, save it, keep it around him for as long as it would last. Maybe he'd replace it... maybe i should replace it.. with something more permanent.

Suga told me he feels love. He told me i'm the reason he feels it. I wanted to tell him he was my reason too. The reason why love was on my mind, why i felt so alive everyday too.
But that felt too much like saying 'i love you', which we weren't ready for. It's been two weeks since we started dating. Only a month since i realised my feelings. But my feelings were pure and strong and i knew i wasn't getting ahead of myself when i say i wish i could tell him that i do, i do love him.

I could look him in the eyes right now and he'd smile at me. And it would be so easy to let the words fall out, 'I'm so in love with you, Koushi'. But i don't. Because for some odd reason, i feel like i'm stealing it from him. Like he needs to be the first to say it. Since he has liked me for a while, right?