Not just a script! OiSuga

Chapter 11

[A/n: shit. forgot to publish today. have this 5 hours late.
TW: self harm mention
i swear it gets happier]

Sugawara's POV:

"What- What are you doing here?!" I shouted and Oikawa flinched.

"Suga..." He repeated in only a whisper as he took one step back.
I stared at him and my skin began to boil and i'm not so sure what for. For the fact that Oikawa just walked into my room with no warning? or the fact that his eyes were not looking at my face but else were on my body. Or was it the fact that he has quite literally taken a step back as if he was terrified of me.

"I asked you a question!" I shouted again but it came out in a pathetic squeak as my voice broke.

"I... i was... worried..." He still didn't talk above a whisper. His eyes finally met mine but they were all teary. "Suga.." He repeated with heavy tears falling slowly down his cheeks.

"Oikawa i-" Seeing the tears suddenly made me forget about everything. My whole situation and everything happening right now. The only thing important to me was my friend crying.
I ran towards him and placed both my shaking hands onto his teary face. "Hey. Hey. Oikawa." I attempted to get his attention. "I'm sorry i yelled i-"

"Yelled? Suga i- i don't care if you yell at me you- i- i-" He grabbed one of my hands from his face and cupped it in his. He stared a couple more beats at my wrist right before dragging me right out of my bedroom.

"H-Hey! What are you-"

"Hey." He interrupted my sentence. He'd brought me to the bathroom? "Can you sit down for me." He motioned to the toilet seat.

I obeyed. I wasn't really processing anything at the moment. I just did everything Oikawa told me to do. It seemed like the easiest option. From sitting down to putting my arms out as instructed.
He then walked to the cupboard underneath my sink and grabbed a first aid kit. He knew that was there?
He then sat in front of me on the floor and started to unzip the first aid kit. I never used the first aid kit, it was just there, and has been there for who knows how long. I watched his movements carefully, it felt like everything was going in slow motion. "What are you doing, Oikawa?"

He looked concentrated as he tour open one of those sanitary wound cleaning wipes. "Talk to me, this might hurt." Is how he replied. He looked up at me, waiting for me to speak.

"What.. what do i say..?"

"Anything." He dabbed the wipe onto my wrist and i hissed at the sting. "Doesn't need to be about this. Just talk."

"How.. are you so..." i didn't know the word. Casual? I wouldn't call his first reaction casual. So...

He seemed to understand anyway. He sighed, "I had a rough year before i met you." With a shrug of his shoulders, he continued to dab away the dried blood on my skin. "Experience. It got really bad. But i got treatment."

"Oh. I'm sorry..." And i genuinely felt my heart sink into my stomach. It hurt my soul to think Oikawa was in any state to hurt himself in any way. "I didn't know.."

He chuckled slightly, a sound full of pain. "Well, i'm clean. Haven't really told anyone since. It's.. the past." He smiled at me weakly with those teary eyes. "I didn't know about you, either. I'm sorry I wasn't more aware."

I roughly shook my head, "No, no. It's definitely one hundred percent certainly not your fault!"

He frowned as he cleaned the last bit of dried blood. "Maybe not my fault, but we're best friends. And i'm so, so sorry, Sugawara. For this.. for yesterday..."

"Yesterday wasn't your fault."

"I tried kissing you. I was way over the line."

"I wanted to kiss you."

He froze in place. "W-what?" I didn't bother repeating myself because he definitely heard me and his stutter proved it. "So, why- i don't understand?"

I shrugged my shoulders.
Oikawa got another wipe pack and did the same thing to my legs.
"I didn't want to be a... if i we were to kiss then we'd start dating? And i... well.. this." I made a motion with my hands to try finish my sentence. To try say 'I couldn't kiss you because i didn't want to be a burden of a boyfriend by being so mentally unstable i can't even tell you i abuse myself and also you'd never be able to see me without a long sleeved shirt on for our whole relationship'.

He finished cleaning my legs and reached down for some bandages and tape. "I see." He began to wrap the bandages around my arms first. Carefully but skilfully covering each mark with the white fabric. "I'm sorry you've had to go through this alone. I'm never going to let you fight a battle alone again." He said with complete confidence and i've never felt such love before.

"You're the only person i feel human around.." I whispered. "I feel so numb... so empty all the time. Just nothing. Until i'm with you."

"I guess we'll have to be together all the time then, huh Koushi?" The smile he gave me was much more genuine than the last one. I could tell he meant everything he said. I could tell he cared more than anything.

"Thank you..."

He stuck down the last bit of surgical tape to secure the bandages in place. "This okay?"
I nodded.
"Okay, come on then." And i let him drag me back to my room. I glanced at the broken plate and mug on my floor when we walked in and frowned.

"I don't want special treatment." I claimed when Oikawa sat closely with me on my bed.

Oikawa completely ignored my comment. He laid down next to me and yawned. Okay.. now he's casual... he's taking no special treatment seriously. "I was up all night thinking you hated my guts." He laughed to himself, i just stared. "I guess that's pretty stupid."

"No." I laid next to him. "I did the same."

"How could i ever hate you. You're perfect. I tried to kiss you Suga."

"I wanted to kiss you." I repeated my earlier comment. Oikawa propped himself up with his elbows and looked down at me. "I've liked you for months, Oikawa."

"Why didn't you do anything about it?"

Maybe because of your ridiculous crush on your straight friend? I wanted to say, but he's being so sweet to me i shouldn't. "I told you. I cant get you involved with my mess."

"I'm involved now."