Not just a script! OiSuga

Chapter 12

Sugawara's POV:

"I'm involved now." He said in a suggestive yet supportive way -if that makes sense. Like... he was definitely hinting at something but you could tell by his voice that he was in no way trying to force it.

"No. Oikawa. I cant. I'd be a burden of a boyfriend and you know that! You could have any fucking guy you want, just not the guy fucked in the head!" I wasn't shouting. But i wasn't talking either.

He sighed, but kept calm. Calm. How is he so fucking calm through all this. I was envious. I'd give anything to act rational right now, but it's all so much...
He moved one of his arms that were holding him up above me and carefully touched the side on my face, moving a piece of hair behind my ear very delicately. "You wouldn't be a burden, Suga. How could you be?"

"Because- Because i'm hardly human!"

"Stop saying that. So, okay, you may just feel like a body reading a script or whatever, but you just told me yourself that you feel alive with me." I stayed silent. I did tell him that. And he explained it perfectly. "So i know you. I know what it's like to be around you. And just because i know about," he did the same motion as i did earlier, "doesn't change that much. This doesn't change you. This is just something that you have to fight through which just makes you all more bigger and better person."

"My self harm makes me a better person? I'm not following."

"Not what i'm saying. I'm saying, you're struggling but you're still here, present and alive."

"I don't feel alive... not usually." I blindly grabbed the cover on my bed and lifted it over my face. I wanted to be hidden, i wanted to be gone, i wanted to go back in time before this, before Oikawa walked in, before yesterday.
"You don't want me. Look at me. Look at my mess."

He attempted to pull the cover down to reveal my face, but i didn't let him. Instead, he got underneath with me. "It's not your place to say what i do and don't want, Koushi." My heart skipped a beat, painfully. "You're not a mess."

The cover made our voices slightly mumbled, but it didn't stop me from spitting out another argument. "You said... you had.. history. What happens if i trigger that? If seeing me, if being with me makes you want to-"

"I promise you, it won't."

"But what if it-"

"Then i'll let you know and we'll handle it, together. I'm only human, and so are you. So we'll handle this, together." I stay silent.
Oikawa tugs at the cover again, and this time i let him. Our faces in light again.
"I'm not trying to convince you to be my boyfriend. Honestly, dating isn't exactly the top of my concerns right now. I'm trying to convince you to not push me out. To let me support you. To help, you said i help so let me help. Let me attempt to share my Oikawa-ness to the world." He joked, and i smiled very so slightly.
Oikawa somehow knew exactly when the right time was to make a joke and exactly what type to make. He knows exactly what i need.. He knows me..
His Oikawa-ness to the world... it sounds wonderful... but unrealistic.

"You really want me..?" I ask for reassurance. "And not because you feel bad for me or you don't want me to kill myself but because you like-"

"I tried kissing you, yesterday. Before i knew. I tried kissing you because i like the Sugawara Koushi i see everyday. The Suga i know, i like."

His words make my eyes water again, tears falling slowly down my temples onto the bed. I slowly nod my head and make my best attempt to sit up with my weak body.
He joined me and we spent the next couple of minutes just staring at each other and our surroundings in silence.
I broke that silence with a sigh, "Okay." And then let my body more or less collapse onto Oikawa, wrapping my arms tightly around his body, not even letting him hug back. "Okay." I repeated.
I could see my arms behind Oikawa's back as i hugged him. They were all cleaned and bandaged up and it make my stomach clench to think i let Oikawa put himself in that situation.
But, i was indescribably grateful.
I let go and turn my attention to his face, he smiled at me softly. If you look carefully you could see the dried tears on his cheeks. I leaned in, and placed a small but unhurried kiss to his cheek. When i pulled back his face was much redder than before and it made me laugh.

"Okay... okay... what... what does this mean then? are we? do you?"

"We're not." And just like that, i crushed his heart. Way to go me. "Yet?" And he's back up. "Just... I've liked you for so long... and i mean really long."

"That's what she said..." He mumbled with a smirk and it once again made me laugh. I really admired how he could still act like stupid dorky Oikawa in a time like this.

"Shut up. The point is, this is not how i'm going to finally put myself out there and date you."

He nodded, "Yeah, that's fine." And then he stood up, getting out of my bed. "I guess i just have the plan how to ask you out on a later date. Now that i know you like me it's going to be much less nerve wracking... it's going to be big. Amazing. A unforgettable moment. A-"

"Idiot."

"Your idiot."

"Not yet."

"Soon."

"You sure?"

"...not when you say it like that."

[A/n: not too soon 😏]