The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

4

Current
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I stand up, feeling all the bones in my body crack. It's late now, so I should be getting to bed. I start to walk over to the overflowing trash can, however a certain color catches my eye.

I stop in front of the table, bending down and looking at the strange red envelope sitting on my table. I decide to pick it up and examine it, reading over the swirly writing on it. My name is written on the front, with a little to many swirls on the 'o'.

This envelope can be anything, so I am honestly terrified to read it. I hope it's not some fancy eviction notice. Maybe it's a letter—a love letter from the neighbor or something.

I start to get angry thinking about it— I don't want to be harassed by my neighbors now. I throw the envelope down on the table. I need to calm down. My therapist says I need to find other ways to lash out, so I decide to just stand there and breathe for a few minutes.

Whatever it is—can't be that bad. That's what I need to remember. Nothing can be so bad that comes in a velvet red envelope with cursive writing that looks better than I ever could even think about writing.

I can't open it. I really can't. What if it is something that I really don't want to see right now? I would say I am in a pretty good mood, so I don't want it to be ruined by a stupid notice or something.

Breathe.

I remember.

Breathe.

Fuck it.

I take a seat in the uncomfortable wooden chair, ripping open the seal. Why would I be receiving a red envelope in the mail? I pull out the delicate paper, my blood going cold as i start to read the cursive writing.

Dear Minho,
From Jisung <3
August 13, 2013

What the fuck?

I flip the paper over, then back facing me. This has to be some kind of joke right? Someone is fucking with me. I look around me, like I'm suddenly going to see cameras and maybe my high school buddies pop out, but there is nothing but my dingy apartment.

Okay—what the fuck.

I check the adress it's from— my brain recognizes the address, but i can't seem to put my finger on it. Then it hits me— Jisung's home address. Not a hospital address, or a death home thingy. Now I am really feeling my blood go cold.

I shake my head.

Am I missing something? Is this a joke?

There's no way this is real. If this is Jisung.. no it's cannot be. That selfish prick killed himself. He took his own life because I wasn't good enough, we all know. So then what is this? Is it his parents?

I shake my head. His parents moved away from the house after his death, so why would i suddenly be receiving letters from this address?

When did he even right these?

I need to know, so I carefully turn my head back to the letter, reading more.

I met you for real today. I finally got the courage to talk to you, you're so much more than I had expected. I expected you to be mean, maybe tell me off, but you weren't. Instead, you were kind. You smiled at me the first day, that beautiful smile. It has been in my head all day every day since then.

Do you know what you do to me?

I doubt it, since you don't even know me. But I know you, and I have known you since the beginning of the year. I saw you when you first walked in, then when you signed up for a club later that day.

Thank god you did, because then I wouldn't have been noticed by you. I'm so lucky you chose this club, I really am.

You smiled at me again the next day, which is today. I immediately knew I wanted to see you smile more. It took everything in me to muster up the courage to talk to you.

At lunch that day, i saw you sitting alone. I knew it was the perfect opportunity, I just couldn't do it. I sat there for a good ten minutes before I finally stood up and walked over to you.

And damn, I am glad I did. I am so glad I did because we spent the whole lunch period together. That was the first time I talked with someone like you in a while, a lot of people at the school are fake.

I know you know I am considered popular, but that is only because of my cousin. People like him come and go, but I really hope you aren't like him.

However, I might scare you away.
All I wish, is that you stay.

From what i picked up, You seem to be a little too secure— meaning you have to be insecure, you know what I mean? I know you don't, nobody seems to understand my words sometimes.

I think I'm going to try and get to know you. You might not want to get to know me, you might think I am weird, you might call me crazy, but I hope you don't. I hope you will get the same feeling when you saw me that I got when I saw you.

It's only been like 48 hours since i met you— and i'm already going insane. You're like a hallway crush. I giggle when i wrote that.

I think I'm going to continue writing letters to you, this feels good. I wanted a way to tell you how I feel, so i though of writing to you. Of course, I am never going to share them to you however.

The only way you will see these letters is over my dead body.

Actually, that's a little deep. I take that back.

I scoff.

What is this dumb shit? Who is doing this? Who even sent this?

It cant actually be real, this has to be some sick game someone is playing on me. I fail to realize, however, that I haven't told anybody my home address— but him. So even if someone did want to play a game like this, they would not have my address. 

I sigh, this is all to much to take it. It has been seven years since I graduated high school, since I left anything of that man behind. He was supposed to be just another student to me, just another memory I am bound to forget.

I let out a groan. It's almost midnight, I don't have time for this. I don't have the time to sit here and overthink about a kid from my school life. I have an actual job, and I have to get back to it early tomorrow. I stand up out of the chair, throwing away my warm beer and head to my bedroom.

I try to get to sleep, but the thought of the letter is fucking me up. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, I realize it was all just a bad dream and there is no letter.