The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

16

"Ew!" He makes a disgusted face. "There is no way, you actually thought that?"

I giggle. "Unfortunately, yeah."

He scrunches his nose, making me smile at him more. We have been sitting at this bench for a while now, and we have asked so many questions. They have progressively been getting deeper, so I think I'm about to ask the one I've been wanting to in a bit.

"Okay my turn." He says. He thinks for a moment, "Ahh, have you ever dated anyone?"

"No." I answer immediately. "I didn't even know I was gay until this year, and I didn't even have a crush til this year. I've been homeschooled all my life."

"Ohh." He says, "You told me that, I knew that."

I chuckle. "Have you?" I turn it back on him.

"Yeah." He sighs. "I've had a girlfriend before."

I drop my jaw playfully. "No way, Han had a girlfriend?"

He nudges my arm. "I go both ways you know."

I giggle. "Well, tell me more. What happened?"

He sighs, leaning back. "It was a very rough time, I guess. I had like a situation-ship with her for like two months. We actually for real got together and dated for quite sometime. However, we broke up in january once because we both were just wrong."

He explains im in a certain tone, like he is hurting to talk about it. "Yet we got back together for a month— then I broke up with her in March. I think I literally just had the worst mental state ever back then."

I hum, listening intently. "Do you miss her? Like, Would you go back?"

I can tell it's a touchy subject, just by the way his eyes are speaking right now. He sighs. "Honestly, I wouldn't even think about it. She was just so wrong for me, she's a good person, we just aren't ever meant to be. I never even got physical with her."

"Well are you better now?" I ask. I'm not exactly sure what I mean by that question, it kind of just slipped out.

"Oh yeah, totally." He chuckles. "I've never been better, I feel like I have changed so much."

"Well that's good." I smile. "I think so, at least."

He nods. "I have a question now, do you believe people can change?"

"Yeah." I say. "Without a doubt. Regardless of its good or bad."

He looks at me. "What's a bad change?"

"I guess a change that makes someone.. bad? Like if someone influenced them to change to a negative person, or if they just become a bad person - I would say that's a bad change."

He nods. "Yeah, I agree with you."

I give him a little smile. He smiled back at me, but his eyes say something different. "Minho?" he says.

I hum.

"Would you still like me if I changed?" He asks me.

I want to say something like 'it depends on how you change' or 'not if you became a bad person', but something in his eyes seems like he is longing for some kind of validation in the moment.

I smile at him. "I would still like you no matter who or what you become, Jisung."

I can see his eyes change, his facial expression too. I notice his eyes start to get a bit teary, so it worries me. "Hey, don't cry." I say, pulling him closer.

When he meets my chest, he breaks out into tears. I try to calm him down, I try to stop his sobs. I mutter out all the calming and reassuring things I can. He continues to sob, and I don't even know what caused it.

"I'm sorry Minho." He says into my chest. "I'm sorry if i ever change, I can't control it." He says.

"Jisung look at me," I pull his head up and he meets my eyes. I see how emotional his eyes are, how he is feeling so many things in the moment. I wipe his tears with my thumb, giving him a smile.

"I will always be here for you. I don't care if you change to the point I can't even recognize you, I will still be here by your side." I say to him. And I mean every word of it.

He gives me a weak smile. "I love you Minho, I think I love you." He says to me.

I can see in his eyes that he is just as shocked to be saying it as I am to be hearing this. However, my heart flutters at his suddenness. "You.. love me?"

He nods, my hands still holding his face. "I do Minho, I really do. I know it's sudden and I may seem insincere, but please believe me. Believe me that my heart flutters every time I see you, and my body tingles whenever you touch me. Believe me that I mean it with everything in my heart when I say I love you."

"Jisung i-"

"I- I know you don't have to say it back, I hope you won't it you don't mean it. It might mean nothing to you what I am saying right now, but it means everything to me. I really like you, way more than I ever wished too."

I feel my own eyes get watery. "Oh Jisung." I wipe one of his tears. "I might not know at all what love is or how it feels, I might not ever be able to show I love you, but I do. If the fluttery feeling when I see you means I love you, then I love you so much."

He sobs more as he is smiling, and I do the only thing i have been wanting to do. I kiss him.

I pull him into a graceful kiss, closing my eyes as I do so. I pour my heart and soul into this kiss, tears falling out my eyes as I kiss the only boy I have ever loved in my life.

I feel everything all at once, but I do not once regret anything. My warm tears and cold cheeks, my mouth attached with another's. I feel complete, I feel like nothing can break us apart in this world, I feel.. loved.