The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

32

I splash my face with cold water, numbing my face for a brief second. I look up in the mirror, taking a deep breath. Staring at my reflection, it all hits me.

It's happening again.

I can feel my body erupting with butterflies as I think about this. If this goes the way I am hoping it will, I could have the most important aspect of my life back in my arms today. And I would do anything to make that happen.

I do a full body check, to make sure I am not missing anything. After doing so, I grab my keys and leave my apartment. The drive to the diner was quiet, but my mind was running in all different directions as I drove in the fog. The weather has been up and down, just like me and Jisung's relationship. I find that ironic.

I pull into the diner, getting out of my car. I take a second to pull myself together—then I enter the bright building. When I enter, I don't see Jisung. I'm guessing he probably is actually going to come at twelve, considering it's five minutes til then.

I take a seat at the same booth he broke up with me in, for old times sake. As I wait, I nervously fondle with the napkin holder.

The door chimes, and i snap my head up to see if it's the boy I'm waiting for who entered. When I see it is, I feel my stomach do a flip. I'm suddenly hit with a strong anxiety feeling–making my chest heavy.

He leans on the doorframe— almost like he is trying to support himself— while his eyes search the room for me. When his eyes meet mine, I look away quickly.

I look back up as he approaches my booth, and takes a seat on the satin. He raises his head, making eye contact with me. I give him a small smile, since that's all I could muster up.

I don't even know what to say as we stare into each others eyes. His eyes are speaking more than we both are.

He clears his throat. "Hi."

I press my lips together, doing a little nod. "Hey."

He picks up the menu. "Did— did you order anything?"

I shake my head and look down to the menu in his shaky hands. "Couldn't eat."

He hums, gently setting the menu down and looking at me once again. I raise my eyes to his, and now we both just stair at each other—waiting for the other to finally muster up the courage to speak.

"So I—" Jisung starts.

"What are—" I interrupt.

We both pause and just look at each other. We stay silent. I feel like I'm waking on eggshells right now, trying not to pierce the wrong nerve in the fear of bleeding out and killing whatever is left of us.

I clear my throat. "You uh– you can go first."

He tenses up. "I don't even know what I was going to say." He chuckles, dryly.

"Oh.." I say.

He takes one last look at me, before just sighing at looking back down to his lap. "I'm s–sorry Minho."

I furrow my eyebrows. "For what? You did nothing—"

"Don't say that." He shakes his head. "We both know I did, I broke up with you."

"I thought it was just a break..?" I say.

He sighs, shaking his head yet again. "I don't know what it is. Minho. I though I knew.. but I– I don't." He says. "I'm sorry for being so confusing all the time, you probably just want a simple relationship– and I'm ruining that experience."

"Hey–" it takes every ounce of courage in me to reach other and take his hand. "You did nothing wrong. I don't know why your apologizing when you are giving me the best relationship I could ask for."

He shakes his head, and it's only know when I see the tears falling from his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not normal."

I bring his hand up to my mouth, and I place a kiss on his hand. I don't know how to comfort others, so I'm just hoping that little gesture means as much to him as it does to me.

"Nobody is normal. And that's okay—because I like whatever form of not normal you are." I say.

He looks up at me. "You mean that?"

I nod my head. "With every bone in my body."

"I'm so sorry I left." He says, shaking his head. "I felt like I was insane afterwards, even when I believed it was for the best hours before. I missed you so much, you have no idea at all."

I finally let a smile cross my face. A real, genuine smile. "Oh I do, trust me."

He giggles. "I guess I never really though about what you felt. I was just trying to get myself out of the situation. Just like everything else. But I just want to spend my days with you, even if they are my last ones on earth."

"Don't say things like that." I kiss his hand again. "You better not die on me, not right now—not ever."

He gives me a weak smile.

I continue to kiss his hand, and i can see him start to blush. "Stop doing that."

I raise my head. "Why, you don't like it?"

He shakes his head. "I do.. but not in public."

I chuckle. "You do, huh?" I say. "If I keep doing this, does that mean I can love you again? Not that I ever stopped, however."

"You can love me, you can even shatter me for all I care. I just want to be with you again. Even if I don't feel so good." He says.

"You don't feel good again?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "No, but you make me feel better. Hence why I am here, putting an end to this break." He says.

"I just want you to love me, because I don't know if I love myself right now."