The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

30

Current
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"I'll have them ready by next week, sir." I speak.

He nods. "Don't disappoint me."

I nod, and exit his office. I walk down the hall to my office, faking a smile to all the people who pass by. When i get back to mine, I sit down in my chair. I sigh, and hold my head up, my hands in my hair.

The office door suddenly opens, so I snap my head up and sit straight. "Yes?" I ask.

My secretary walks on. "Sorry for being so sudden, but you have a mail again." She says. "I had to hide it from boss, since he doesn't like it."

I chuckle. "Well thank you." I say.

"No problem." She blushes, handing me the said mail. "It's a pretty color, too."

My heart drops when i see the red velvet letter, so I look back up to her with a fake smile. "Thank you." I stammer out.

She nods. "Anything."

She turns around and walks away, her heal clicks getting quieter. She sways her hips on her way. When the door closes, I immediately rip the seal of the letter. I want answers on the last letter, so I hope this one answers a lot.

I take out the paper, flipping it the right way.

Dear Minho.
From jisung

I don't even know why I am writing to you right now. I just ended things with you an hour ago, and I have been crying since.

I guess I'm writing because this might be the last time I can. I don't know if we will every be again.

I know I told you it's just a break, I know I told you I will be back, but I don't know if I can keep that. I didn't make any promises, because I don't want to make one I can't keep.

It's not like me to be this mean. You're all I wanted, but you're something I don't deserve.

I guess you are wondering why I did it, so I will try to go into more detail. I told you little parts of it, but I didn't tell you the whole thing.

The main reason is me. I know that's a thing everyone says, "it's not you it's me.." but this time it really is me.

Every day since that one day, I have been thinking negatively. I know I shouldn't, everyone tells me I shouldn't. My therapist told me it's best to think positive, but it's hard.

These thoughts were because of the fight, yes, but also because of absolutely everything else. I always have these thoughts, but sometimes I can shut them out. Now I can't.

And when I can't anymore, that's when I know it's getting bad.

I went away for these thoughts last may. You were there, so you wouldn't know. They came to school and pulled me out of class, everyone watched. They put me in that building, and I had nobody again.

When I came back this year, I got so many looks. I was known as a crazy kid, I was popular for the wrong reasons. But you didn't see that, did you?

No, because I hid it well. I'm good at hiding it. But now I fear I'm not going to be able to hide it anymore, which is why I broke up with you.

I don't think you deserve someone who is crazy. I guess I was always crazy, but you don't deserve someone who shows they are crazy. Which is where I differ, because I didn't show it.

I know I'm always the one saying, "don't hide" and "tell me everything about you" , but that doesn't apply to me. If I told you everything, you'd probably run and think I was crazy too.

But it will pass.

Just like we will. Over this break, you probably will realize I'm not worth all the aggravation, and then you probably will not even come back for me.

I planned to break up with you specifically over break, so you have the whole month to get better and realize I am not worth it.

Then when we come back in January, you will be completely fine again and discard of me from your life.Then I'm back to square one. Building myself up again, getting rid of the thoughts, becoming normal again.

It's coming back worse this time, so I hope I don't get sent away again. But even if I do, I hope you can live happily. I only want the best for you, and I hope you know that.

When school starts, we aren't going to be speaking, there will be this tension. I know it's going to pull us together, like we are meant to be. We aren't, we are on different sides right now.

I just liked it better when he were on the same side.

There wasn't even a goodbye at the bottom of the letter. I don't know what that means, but based on the fact this is the breakup part of our story, I guess it was meant to be that way.

Thinking back to this day, almost ten years ago, thinking back to all the pain I felt, makes me realize I wasn't even thinking about him.

He was going through so much, and I didn't even bother to check up on him. Maybe I didn't notice, yeah, maybe he was really good at hiding it, like he says. I just wish I wasn't so blind.

I just wish I don't push him like I did, after the break.

The office door opens again, and my secretary walks back in. "Oh Sir.." she's stops when she sees my state. "Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

I wipe my tears as she rushes over to me, almost falling as she runs. Her heals really aren't on her side. "Please don't be sad." She says.

She takes my face into her hands. "It will be okay, I'm here." She wipes my tears with her thumbs.

She is here, but I wish somebody else was. "I'm
okay, don't worry." I hold her hands, which are holding mine.

She gasp, looking at my hands on hers. She smiles, and then does the unexpected.

She leans in and kisses me.