The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

36

TW: this chapter will contain a very sensitive topic, so please don't read if that affects you.
Stay safe and remember there is always someone there to help.

-
I am in such a good mood as I jam to music on my way to school. It's now the day after new years, and school starts all over again. I didn't get to spend new years with Jisung, in fact we haven't talked since Friday.

That's okay though, I guess we both have just been busy.

I pull into the parking lot, parking my car into an empty stall. It's a lot closer than usual, since I don't like to walk so far anymore. I grab my backpack and start to walk inside.

I enter the school, and the stuffy air hits me. It feels different this time, I haven't been here in so long though— so maybe that's if. I look at all the people, but they all seem to be looking back at me. I just slightly nod to them, making them look away.

Some people are just weird. I guess maybe I look different since last time? I don't know.

I go to my locker, and I see sticky notes all over it. I furrow my brows at the notes. I look around at all the people, and they all have a sorrowful look on there face as they look back at me.

I turn back to my locker, disregarding all the sticky notes. Maybe people are just being like this since they heard about the breakup—I guess they don't know the full story and think I'm an asshole now.

I turn around, about to tell them all the truth. However, i see two students on ladders—hanging up a banner. I get distracted, because I see a picture of Jisung on the banner.

I read the lettering,
"You will always be loved, Han Jisung."

I furrow my brows. What is going on?

Did they really take it that far?

Do they really think our breakup was that bad?

My thoughts are interrupted by the announcement system, and i flinch at the sudden mention of my name.

"Lee Minho, please report to the main office."

I take a look around, seeing all the eyes on me now. I can't help but worry I did something, or if Jisung did something.

I start to walk down to the office, hurrying so I can't find out what's going on faster. I get buzzed in, and I enter the front doors. I knock on the office door, and it opens.

When I walk in, Jisung's parents are sitting there. Along with my home teacher, the principal and vice principal, and two police officers. I furrow my brows at all the people in the room.

"Mrs and Mr Han, I'm going to have to ask you to step out." Mr. Park says.

They both stand up, and exit the room. When they do, i take a seat in the chair they were in before. "What's going on..?" I ask.

The cop looks at me, then sighs. "Minho, did you hear anything from Jisung on Sunday?"

I shake my head. "I haven't talked to him since Friday.." I look around at everyone again, seeing the sorrow in their expressions as well. "Wha–what's going on?"

Principal Kim sighs. "Minho.."
"Jisung was found dead —last night."

The words hit me like a train. "Wh—what..?" I ask, my voice broken.

Dead?

"D—Dead..? As in..." I look around the room for answers.

"He bled to death on his bathroom floor. He— he killed himself.. Minho." She says.

"Oh my god." I whisper, holding my hand up to my mouth as my eyes begin to tear up. I'm in complete shock, i feel like my body just froze. It feels like time just stopped as i stare at the frown on my principal's face.

This has to be a joke, they have to be joking with me right now.

Jisung didn't.. he didn't do it.

He wouldn't, we had to many plans and so many things to do— he wouldn't take that away from us. He wouldn't do something like this.

"I know it's hard to take in, but we need you to tell us if you heard anything— or- or know.. anything?" The other officer speaks up.

I shake my head. "I haven't..—"

I shake my head. Taking a deep breath, I continue. "—but he wasn't okay." I break down. My tears fall down like bullets, and everyone else in the room starts to huff.

"He wasn't okay?" She asks. "I need more Minho.."

I shake my head. "He wasn't okay, he couldn't do it by himself." I say, looking down to my lap and biting my lip. "For fucks sake he couldn't even walk on his own."

"He couldn't?"

"No—" more tears fall as i shake my head. "He called me over Thursday.. because he harmed himself again. I helped him, I cleaned his wounds, i bandaged him up. But he couldn't even walk, or eat." I say, my voice groggy.

"He told me he didn't feel so good—" I tap my temple. "—up here. He said it was hard to not do bad things, he said I was—" I pause and sob. "He said I was the only one who stopped the thoughts."

"And..?" She asks, wanting more.

"—And I left him." I sob. "I fucking left him when he needed me the most, all for some stupid college deal." I raise my head and look out the window, seeing the posters in the grass for him.

She shakes her head. "This isn't your fault Minho, don't blame yourself."

I scoff, and suddenly snap. I slap the arm rest. "But if I was there!—" I yell. "—if i would have stayed, and gotten the hint that he needed me the most in that moment, he would still fucking be here, wouldn't he??!"

"It isn't your fault! God dammit don't blame yourself, when someone gets these thoughts it's hard to stop them. It isn't your fault that he couldn't." She yells back at me. "Now sit down and help me figure this shit out."

I sink down in my chair. "What is there to figure out.. I just lost the most important person in my life." I say.

I stare out into space. "Fuck.." I sob.

"I lost him— I lost.." I readjust myself and hold my head in my hands, leaning on my knees as i sob.

If i would have been there for him, he would still be here laughing with me. He would still be here, and we would be suffering through his thoughts together—because I would have helped him every step of the way.

But I didn't, and that's why he isn't here with me right now.