The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

27

I open the seal, and pull out the paper. I hold the delicate paper in my hands, looking at the hand writing. Usually, his hand writing is pretty and simple.

But today, it honestly looks a bit differently

Dear Minho,
From Jisung

Hey you.

I hate you for what you did to me.

I am taken aback from this. What? What did I do?

How could you just stand there like that? Absolutely silent?

What the hell?

I couldn't even tell you what I felt in that moment. Because pain isn't meant to be described, you couldn't never describe it accurately. Pain is something that's felt. But that fact I am even trying to explain my pain says a lot.

The pain when the person I love most in the whole world, stood there in front of me silent in that situation. I couldn't even think when I was screaming at you in my mind.

When I called you yesterday, I was going to ask you if you wanted to go on a date. I was waiting all day, counting the minutes of when I could call you. Because I couldn't seem to clingy, calling you only an hour after you left my bedroom.

I remember complaining to my older brother about you, since he is the only one who knows about us. I was complaining how I missed you, and how I kept thinking about what we could do together today.

After a few hours past, I told myself it was finally time to call you. It was enough time for you to do what you needed too, and enough time for us to still hang out.

Immediately, you were a bit off. I knew something was up by your tone, because I know what you sound like in every different moment. I knew you were upset, and I didn't like it.

I don't like you being upset, it makes me upset. I was going to try and help you, but you didn't let me. Instead you avoided me.

That morning, I saw you. I smiled so wide and was going to run up to you and give you the biggest hug, and tell you just how much I missed you. But no.

You turned the other way.

Really Minho?

I can't even begin to express the feelings that rushed over me in that moment. I felt my heart drop to the floor, and my chest become full. I couldn't breathe, because I thought that meant i did something wrong.

I remember crying on the way to my first period. Hyunjin came by, asking me what had happened. He comforted me when I was hurting, not you. I was hurting because of you, which is even worse.

I was so out of it throughout my whole first period, I couldn't even answer when the teacher picked me to answer the pop question. That was so embarrassing, she called my name and I started to cry.

I needed to get out of there, but I couldn't. I sat there suffering through the whole first period, and when the bell rang I immediately ran out of the classroom.

I looked around the halls for you, and I eventually saw you on your way to the bathrooms. I following you on there, and that's when everything I never expected to happen, happened.

I don't get you. As much as I try to, I don't. I think I do, I've convinced myself I do, but today I realized I don't know you as much as I thought.

Because the you i know wouldn't have stood there, silent.

It must have been really bad, what happened to you, for you to stand there like that. It must have been really bad for you to be able to walk away from me.

Why did you walk away from me?

I screamed at you, telling you if you left that were over. And guess what you did.. you left.

You even realized what you had done, because you tried to come back. And dammit I let you come back, even after you broke me by walking out that door. I let you pull me into that bathroom, I let you apologize.

The worst part of it all, is that I forgave you. I gave you the confirmation that everything was okay, even when I felt my loathe grow for you even just being around you.

Minho, the things you do to me.

And this time I'm not even saying that in a good way.

I am so shocked that I can even sit here and say all this. I thought I was so in love with you, i though I had found my person. I thought everything was perfect.

But more and more, I realize it's not. We aren't perfect, you're not perfect. I am not perfect.

I've known I'm not perfect for a long while, I know I'm fucked up. I just know how to hide it. Can you even tell Minho? Can you tell I'm fucked up?

Can you tell how hard I'm trying?

I hope you can't. I hope the mask I am putting up is working enough to hide it from everybody. It was actually working well enough that I was hiding it from myself. But now that it's fallen to me, the only thing next is it falling for everyone else around me.

God I don't know.

I hope it doesn't get bad again.

Love, no, sincerely
Jisung.

Im shaking by the time I finish reading. I drop the letter from my hands, and bring my shaky hands up to my face. I inhale an unstable breath.

I don't think I should have read this letter right now. I'm not even happy anymore. I guess whoever keeps sending theses letters just had impeccable timing, because it's almost as if this is my karma.

I can't help but think about the last few sentences. A mask? What does he mean by a mask?