The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

29

I stare at the clock, waiting for the bell to ring. There is only a few more minutes left of class, then I'm free. For the whole winter break.

Last Tuesday was when me and Jisung made up, so it's almost been two weeks of us being good again. I do notice that some things are different, and some things are left unspoken. But that's what a relationship is like, right?

The bell finally buzzes, and I start to get everything of mine packed up for the break. Everybody now has almost two weeks off, so we can do whatever we want. I plan to spend the whole break with Jisung, to be honest.

The winter dance was last week, but we didn't get to go. That was when we weren't so good. We actually both completely forgot about it, so we basically missed the dance unfortunately.

I exit the classroom, looking around the halls for my boy. I spot him by his locker, so I run up to him. He looks up at me as I'm heading over to him.

"Hi, how was class?" I ask him, standing in front of him now.

He shrugs. "Eh. Nothing special."

I nod. "What are you gonna do now?"

He closes his locker. "Well actually," he starts. "I was wondering if we could go to that one cafe?" He says.

I raise a brow. "The one near school?"

He nods.

I smile. "Yeah sure, do you want to go now or later?"

He looks at his watch, which is over his sleeve for some reason. "Can you meet me there in forty-five minutes? I need to do something first."

"Well it can wait," I shrug. "what are you going to do?"

He shakes his head. "Something quick, just meet me there. It's important." He says.

I can see a certain look in his eyes, so I just nod. "Yeah sure, whatever you'd like." I say.

He nods, giving me a small smile. It wasn't even really a smile, it seemed so forced. But I smile back, and he walks away.

I start to walk to the exit, thinking of what he could be doing as I make my way out. I reach my car after a long walk, the downside of parking out so far in the lot.

I have enough time, so I start to drive to my apartment first. It's a silent ride there, I just think of all the possibilities. We could do so much over the winter break, so I am getting all excited.

However, I can't seem to shake a certain feeling in my chest. I don't want to be dramatic, but I feel almost uncertain. It's making me uncomfortable as I get closer to my apartment.

It's probably nothing, so I just park and head to my apartment. I check the time, I have about thirty minutes. It's s fifteen minute drive, so i actually have fifteen minutes to spend at my apartment if I plan to get there on time.

I make myself a quick sandwich, and change out of my school clothes. I freshen myself up, because the school effect makes me look really musty.

I head back to my car, starting to drive to the cafe. After that long drive, it seeming long because I'm looking forward to this date. I pull into the parking lot, locking my car door as I head inside.

I look around, then see Jisung sitting at a booth in the corner. He looks nervous, maybe because he doesn't like being alone in public. He told me it makes him feel extremely uncomfortable.

I head over to his booth, and he pipes up to the noise of me sitting down. I don't fail to notice how this is the same exact place I met my mother in a few weeks ago.

"Hey," I say, when I'm finally situated.

"Hi." He says.

"Did you already order?" I ask.

He gulps and shakes his head. "I'm not hungry."

I nod. "Well then." I say. "Why did you want to come here?"

He gulps. "Well I needed to talk to you, about something."

I don't like this.

I furrow my brows and nod my head. "What is it?"

He avoids my eyes, looking down at his hands. I look down too, and i see how his hands are shaking and fiddling. I take my hands and hold his.

"Don't be nervous. You can tell me anything." I hold his cold hands.

"Unless you are about to break up with me, then i kinda don't want to hear that." I look down at his hands.

When he stays silent at that, I look back into his eyes. He has an apologetic expression on his face when I look back up, so the realization hits me.

I take my hands back. "Don't tell me.."

He bites his bottom lip, taking in a breath. "I'm sorry Minho." His eyes start to get watery.

I inhale a shaky breath. "Oh.." I chuckle out, a dry chuckle. I look down at my lap, and my hands that are picking. "That's.." I gulp.

"I'm so sorry." He says again.

"W-why?" I stammer out, looking back into his eyes.

"Because I can't even look at you anymore." He says. "I can't look at you, because it hurts me."

I feel myself starting to cry. "How does it.." I clear my throat. "Why does it hurt?"

"Because I'm not well, Minho." He says. "I'm not doing so well, and it hurts to know that all you want is somebody who's well."

I shake my head. "I don't want somebody who is well, I want you. Jisung I want you, we can be unwell together."

He shakes his head, closing his eyes. A tear runs down his cheek. "I'm not in the right place for all this Minho, you don't know what is going on in my mind everyday."

I shake my head. "Please don't do this Jisung, you're all I want. I'll do anything, please."

He shakes he his head again. "I love you, but I'm just not enough for you right now."

"Please Jisung, please." I say. "Rethink this, please. I want you to be with me, I want to be with you."

"Minho, We need a break." He says.

"Just a break then, that's it." I say. "Not a breakup, just a break. You can have the time you need, but I'm not going to stop trying to get you back."

He nods. "Fine then." He says. "Just a break, I'll come back."

"Please come back, don't leave for good." I say. "I'll be waiting for you."