The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

14

"Why is the paper wet?" She asks, looking at me

I look back to the paper. "No reason, i spilt."

I refuse to tell this women how I got teary eyed over the letter my ex boyfriend sent me. I think her calling me over was a reality check that i actually have a life and need to move on from my past and those letters, even if they keep coming.

However, it's hard to move on from my past when the women who affected me the most in my past is sitting in front of me. Legs crossed, beer in one hand, my letter in the other.

She nods. "Well I don't know what to tell you, Minho." She says. "Do you really think it's him?"

I shake my head no. "That's stupid to even ask." I snarl. "We had a funeral for the bastard, don't be dumb."

"It wasn't an open casket." She shrugs as she takes a sip of her beer.

She's right, it wasn't. But that doesn't mean anything, so her words just anger me more than I already am just from being inside this old cranky home.

"Stop saying that shit." I stand up, taking back the letter. "You're absolutely no help, you know that?" I start to walk off.

"All I am saying," she says, making me stop. "Is that you never know who could be sending those damn red letters. It might not even be him, it might be from the past, it might be his mom, or hey... it might be him. Keep an open mind, honey."

I scoff. "Honey? What am I, your child?"

Her face kind of drops when I say that, but I continue on. "And that's not at all what you are saying, you're making fun of me."

"I am not." She says, raising her voice a bit. "Stop thinking everyone is making fun of you. God, you were the same way back then, grow up. This is why you're almost thirty and single. This is why your god damn boyfriend is-"

"Don't you dare fucking say that." I stop her.

She gives me a sly look. "This is why your deadbeat boyfriend is dead, Minho." She says.

"Fuck you!" I scream at her. "He wasn't a deadbeat at all, and you didn't even know or bother to get to know him so you don't get to say a god damn thing."

I look her in the eyes. "It was a mistake to think you changed. Don't ever fucking call me again."

I honestly shock myself with those words. I am yelling at the only person I ever couldn't, my mother. I turn around and head to the front door, but her voice stops me.

"I'm sorry, baby." She says, running up behind me. "I didn't mean it, it's just been hard since your father died you know." She let's out a breathy chuckle.

I chuckle. "Don't do this to me, it's not going to work."

Her face drops.

"I actually have some self respect, I don't need to be around people who bring me down." I say, walking out the door.

I run to my car as quickly as I can and get in the white vehicle. I slam my door shut and start the car as fast as I can. I see my mother come running out as I pull away, so i speed down the neighborhood and put onto the exit.

There is so much more I could have said to her. Like how I actually had a man who loved me, how I'm not living off of death money, how I actually have self respect, but I chose not too. I chose to do the one thing she could never do, leave. I don't want to argue with her, I don't want to make her cry, I don't want to hurt myself even more than she already did.

I know she didn't mean to do what she did to me, I know if she had a better man to raise me with that she would have been better. I know if she were loved more, she could have loved me more.

However, I can't use these excuses anymore. Because the one man dragging her down is gone now, and she still is the exact same way she was when i lived with her.

Maybe he ruined her, maybe he changed her forever, but that doesn't give her the right to be nothing but terrible to her own son. The son who wants nothing more than for one of his parents to just love him.

My cell phone rings, startling me a bit. I lean over to the passenger side and grab it, answering without checking the ID.

"Hello?"

"Minho!" I hear a voice say.

I check the name finally. "Felix? Why are you calling so late?" I say putting my phone back to my ear.

"Sorry about that. But about the letters you keep mentioning, I have a way to find out who it is sending them to you." He says eagerly.

I don't know if it's about what just happened, but i feel my chest get heavy. "Really?" I say.

"Yeah," he says. "Actually I can find out right now let me-"

"What are you doing to find out?" I ask. I want to make sure he isn't about to do anything completely illegal.

"Well you said somebody came to drop off the letter," he says. "Right?"

"Yeah?" I say, not following.

"And you have security cameras at your building, right?" He asks.

Oh lord. There's absolutely no way he is going to do what I think he is. Felix went to technology school, and took some underground classes to know how to work computers extremely well, if you know what I mean. It's funny how he ended up a bartender instead.

I sigh. "Felix, please don't tell me your about to hack into my work place's security system."

"Not the whole system," he clarifies. "Just the cameras."

"No, don't." I say. "I don't want to get fired."

"They won't know it's you!" He defends.

"Don't. Felix." I say sternly, hanging up the phone.

I don't even like my job. The truth is, I don't really care about getting fired, I just don't want to know who's sending the letters to me. Specifically because I know it's not who I want it to be.

I don't want to me met with the disappointment that it actually isn't him.

It's silly that I still hope it is.