Diaries of a Seventh Grader

05-09-15; Shitty Day Equals Shitty Orchestra End Of Year Concert

FM FUCKING L.

I was abandoned....

What the fuck is wrong with my life?

I was abandoned at my orchestra concert!

None of my family went! No one cared! They didn't even watch! My dad sat in the car! I was upset and I couldn't find them! I thought they were leaving me at school and I was gonna cry! I already had enough shit with my mom at home for the past week and then when I really need my dad or want him to see me and be proud he sits and reads in his car!

FUCK EVERYTHING!

I JUST WANNA FUCKING CRY AND DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE! IVE FELT THIS FOR SOOO LONG AND IM- IM- IM JUST FUCKING DONE! NOBODY FUCKING CARES I WAS RIGHT!

IM REJECTED!

EVEN MY BEST FRIEND REJECTED ME AFTER A STUPID FUCKING FIGHT WITH ANOTHER BFF JUST- GOD DAMMIT!

WHY ME!

WHY AM I SUCH A FUCKING RETARD?! FUCK MY LIFE! God damn......

I cried so hard in the car when we got home and my dad and i sat for a good 20 minutes in that car calming me down. no body cared enough to see the damn performance and my mom treated me like shit all day and this morning and the whole FIGHTING shit happened....it was a horrible day.

I learned things about my dad that i never knew too for those 20 minutes.

i found out that my grandpa used to beat my dad up when he was a teen and he had depression and his friends were like that and he wanted to and tried many times to run and or kill himself. he used to hurt himself too he told me and he explained how my mom was cruel as soon as they married. she had this whole nice girl mask on but she was really a pain. the only reason my dad stayed with her was to make sure id be ok and keep me safe. thats why he won't divorce her. he doesnt want to lose me. i know it even when he told me. he explained that if he did id be taken away and he didnt want that so he let her hurt him too when i was just a baby. she hurt his nose once when i was little he said. he also said even if i ran id have a hard time and wouldnt even know what to do and life would be harder.

My dad knows best.

He's the only one who cares and loves me.

<3 DAD<3

I never cry in front of my dad. i hate doing that shit to him. but i couldn't hold it in and when we got home he saw my red puffy eyes with freakin gushers sliding down my chin and he asked me what was wrong and said he was sorry and i cried harder.

He's the best person ever.

Dads are fucking awesome.