Diaries of a Seventh Grader

9-23-14: The Fat One and The Depressed

.-.

Well today was.......

Somewhat........

Cruel.......

Mostly life but.....

Cruel.....

In Science today we went to get our check ups and when it was my turn my eye sight wasn't that good even in my glasses (which is normal really becuz I've had them for four/three years)

And then came my fucking weight.....

.-.

How much do I weigh?

How much do I fucking WEIGH?

.-. 142 Ib

That's right Mashins I'm sloppy becoming fat.

Well I don't look fat according to everyone but I eat ALOT.

I've been eating smaller proportions lately but it doesn't help.

All my friends weight is somewhat close or exactly these;

76-126 Ib

Now what the fuck.

The fuck.

This pisses me in ways more than one

Seriously it's made me fucking depressed all day.

Also at lunch my friends barely talked even if I tried to conversate.

Only Janea talked to me once again and that was it. Only her. No one else.

Conversate is such a powerful word.

And I'm pretty sure no one would even notice if I was gone- WHICH IS WHY I decided I'll just go eat at the last table by myself and write because I seriously need to catch up on my journal writing.

Anyway back to this shiz;

-Flag FootBall first Game this Saturday at 11am

-I way 142 as I said.

-Depressed

-Sad

-Disastrous

I've talked to my dad about my weight and he said that just to keep eating smaller proportions and eat healthy like I do.

And he already knows that I've had MANY thoughts and visions of me starving myself.

Which I know it makes you weak too as my dad said again.

But of course I won't do that- nor throw my guts up.

Nope not gonna do it.

And at flag foot ball I was kinda dull of course because of the current events.

In my mind I heard the repeating words that I had thought;

"I've Given Up On Life,"

"I'm just gonna give up,"

And

"Should I even bother? Give up? Yes? No?"

But of course I'm switching those thoughts out of my head now because I don't want to think any of that.

So yeah I guess that's it for today.

So bye Mashins.

And remember:

Be strong

Don't be negative to yourself

Stay you

Don't change

Your not alone even when you think you are

Be true to yourself

You are all beautiful

Your not weak your strong

BE THE BEST DAMN MASHIN YOU CAN BE! <3

Three cheers for Mashins!

HUPLA

HUPLA

HUP- ah forget it....*Walks off*

Peace Out Mashins~

~M