Diaries of a Seventh Grader

11-07-14; MORE DEPRESSION & MAYBE LEAVING THE GROUP?!

I haven't been on so much.
Sorry guys.
I've been really really really really REALLY depressed lately......
Please under understand this.
Since I was grounded I still would've snuck on but I wasn't in any mood. I just thought I'd write this since it's been a week or almost two now.
Anyways what happened is really simple.
I might be leaving me group. I've inly told Jordan this.
I'm mad- no I take that back- I'm PISSED at my group at the moment.
You see there's so much drama and I've had people sad in the group and dramatic cry babies.
Me?
How am I dealing with it?
Ignoring them for now and simply just banging my head on the table, writing, drawling and breaking pencils.
Isn't that just the wonderful Life?
I know right!
Yesterday I scared my friend Alissa because I was pissed when I went to my last class of the day, Mrs.Hayes and I sat down at my desk and broke my pencil within seconds into about.....7 pieces.
Alissa looked at me in fear for a second I think....I don't remember cause I was too mad.
But anyways today I was even more mad at certain people. Shall I explain why?
We'll for starters here are people names and reasons;
Janea/Alissa/Regan (I talk to them a little bit but I don't show I'm pissed and I just act fine around them.)
Anyways here;
REGAN/ALISSA/JANEA;
At lunch I'm usually just staring at them because they always laugh and enjoy themselves while I'm sitting just doing nothing while Sandra runs around talking it people at different tables and being perverted.
At lunch they barely ever talk to me and if I try to ask them a question or talk they are too busy laughing and taking and they don't hear me so I don't speak.
I've said so before but do you think it worked?
We'll?
Do you?
PANTERA:
A six grade friend who I'm tired of now. She keeps on smacking me and kicking and punching me for fun like we always do and now I'm mad at it because sometimes she says "Your so weird!" "So stupid!" ETC. So yesterday she slapped me in the face in PE for no reason admin said "You deserved that." So I had enough. I made sure coach wasn't there and slapped her hard. She was like "LXLSOQODNEJAOJDWKAKAAKKA!"
So yeah.
SANDRA (no to offend her in any way):
We'll yesterday blade broke up with her again when I used to say he'd probably do it again (I was right) and she got all upset (I was already upset). So after lunch she ran up the stairs and Jordan and Zaria were worried about it and would look for her but had class downstairs and so I so called asked to "go to the restroom" and almost wasted half of my orchestra class sneaking around from Mrs.Haggard or just acting like I was going to a certain class to give a teacher something and looked in all restrooms and stairways and catwalks just to find HER!
I didn't find her so she was in class thank god. So I went to class again.
Later after school I was still and even more pissed and when I saw her I ran up to her and shook her by the shoulder yelling, "There you are! You scared me! I looks all over-"
Before I could finish she had left.
She didn't even look at me or anything she just walked past me.
She ignored me like everyone else.
And the thing was that she seemed fine.
She was like everyone else in the group.....they acted like I was a ghost. I was slowly disappearing from them and their minds.
I was slipping away from this earth-
OKAY THIS IS BECOMING A STORY! ANNYYWAAYYYSSS!
Today, At lunch I sat depressed as I've been for a week almost and what happened? I heard her yell, "NO TWO CUTS!" Two cuts....yes....and it sounded casual. "One on the stomach and one on the chest," she told some if the group happily.
Now as if that's something to be proud of right?!
That pisses me more. I just stare at her with my cold sorrow eyes and look back down at my food angrily.
Why?! We'll maybe because SOME PEOPLE are having problems trying not to cut while others are actually proud of their work!
She went up to me and started talking and all but I was too mad and depressed to talk to anyone at all.
I kept staring every once in a while at Regan Alissa and Janea as always as they laughed and yelled and talked next to me.
It's times like this when I want someone to hug like Zaria.
So I pointed to Zaria signaling Kaitlyn to get her for me and she did.
Zaria came to hug me and I barely felt better as did Jordan hug me.
But I was still the same.
I still feel that way and at lunch I talked to Jordan a little. She's an awesome person who shall be loved forever.
My sista from Anotha mista.
So anyways I told her that I had decided that at lunch I might just sit at another table not near them so I can have a free break in life and not have to suffer anything that I already do.
Especially since my anger issues came back these past few Months.
We'll anyways that's all I have to say.
And a few more things;
-Mr.Ruben is leaving BAGC in two weeks
-Angelica (8th grader) & I are a two headed caterpillar in drama club
-I'm also a table in drama club

We'll anyways,
Peace Out Mashins.
Bye.

~M