head over heels

not my responsibility

i woke up and rolled over, seeing that billie already got out of bed. confused, i got up and exited my room. 

i made my way to the kitchen, and as i turned the light on billie and my dad shot up from behind the counter with billie screaming, "happy one month baby!" 

she ran around to counter and to me, and wrapped her arms around my body, bringing my body to hers. 

i smiled as i put one hand on her waist and the other on the back of her head, "i love you." 

she hummed as she kissed my cheek, then my lips. "this month has been one of the best months of my life." she gazed into my eyes before saying, "onto month 2" in a playful voice. 

i smiled as i nodded my head and connected my lips to her, "i can't wait to spend all my time with you." i said as i pulled away, only making billie pull me back. 

my dad cleared his throat, and we both looked at him and laughed. i'm not sure about billie, but i completely forgot my dad was in the room. 

"so, one month guys. thats awesome!" my dad said as he walked over to me and hugged me. i hugged him back as i said, "thanks dad. i appreciate your support."

"you know i'd love you no matter what sweetie." my dad said as he pulled away and walked past me into the kitchen. 

i turned to billie and seeing her face just made me so happy. i didn't get much sleep last night, and whenever i fell asleep i didn't stay asleep long before waking up. all i could see was his face, and it scared the hell out of me. 

im sure billie could tell i was scared, but she didn't say anything about it. part of me is really happy she's ignoring it and the other just wants to tell her everything. the problem about telling her everything is that she used to love this guy. 

billie grabbed my hand as she led me back into my room, "baby what's wrong?" she asked as she closed the door behind me. 

i looked down then back at her, "i just didn't get much sleep last night, that's all." 

she sighed as she brought her hand to my cheek, "i know that look all too well baby." 

i sighed as i looked away, then back to billies eyes. "i keep seeing his face, and i-" i paused as i took a breath, "i keep feeling him. i keep reliving it." 

billie wrapped her arms around me and said, "baby you need to talk to someone about this, it doesn't have to be me, but it can be me if you want."

i nodded as i sat down and patted the space of the bed next to me, "sit billie and let me talk to you." 

she quickly nodded as she sat down, "talk, im listening." 

"so at the party after you left, someone grabbed me and put their hand over my mouth. it was q, as you know." i paused, then continued, "he slapped me across the face and he put his hands on my chest. he said he wanted something, and that he would get it." i paused as my voice began to choke. i closed my eyes and tried not to cry as i continued, "he pushed me to the bed and got on top of me and held me down. he started kissing me and-" i stopped talking as billie put her hand on my cheek. 

"baby, i'm so sorry. i can't even imagine what your going through right now. i don't know what he could possibly want, but whatever it is he's not getting. do you want me to call the cops?" 

i shook my head, "no billie dont do that. i just want to ignore it billie." 

billie nodded before saying, "sometimes ignoring it doesn't help. sometimes ignoring the situation only makes everything worse." 

i looked down, then back to billies eyes before nodding. "i understand." 

"if you don't want to talk to anyone about it, i understand but please do not ignore this. there is nothing wrong with having a therapist, shit i have a therapist." 

i widened my eyes as i said, "wait you have a therapist? why didn't you ever tell me that before?" i asked. 

billie shrugged before saying, "topic never came up, but my therapy is besides the point. you could come with me to my next session next week. she's honestly one of the best therapists i've ever had." 

"ok i'll think about it, thank you baby." i said as i leaned in and connected my lips to billies. i could feel billie smiling as she kissed me back. 

"i love you so much darling." billie said as she pulled away, and brought her lips back to mine. 

"do you want to go grab ice cream?" i asked as i stood up.

"hell yeah, we just gotta find a place with gluten free ice cream."

i nodded as i said, "yeah i know a place." 

i really wanted to forget about everything that happened, but for some reason billie made me feel ok about it all.

as we arrived to the ice cream parlor billie pointed to the sky and said, "woah baby look at the sky." 

i looked to where she was pointing and said, "wow the sunset is so pretty tonight."

billie parked the car and looked at me, then back at the sky. 

"yeah, it's gorgeous every night, but tonight it looks perfect." 

billie grabbed my hand and kissed the top of my hand as she made eye contact with me and said, "you are my sunset."

consider my heart completely melted.

"i love you so much billie" i said before i leaned over and connected my lips to billie's. 

she put her hand on my cheek and said, "I love you more my love." 

i smiled and put my hand on billie's then said, "c'mon pretty girl, let's go get ice cream." 

billie is honestly one of the best partners i've ever been with, but to be completely fair this is the first really serious relationship i've ever had.