head over heels

getting older

billie and i ran to her car as i hopped in the passengers seat. 

she got in the drivers seat and looked at me, "whats going on where do you need to go?"

"hospital. the same one. it's my dad." 

"why's your dad in the hospital?" she asked as she started driving. 

"i don't know they won't tell me. thats not good, right?" i asked as i started to panic. 

"dont' assume the worst baby." billie said as she put her hand on my thigh. 

"i'm sorry billie." 

"for what?" 

"cockblocking you." i said with a little laugh. 

i could hear her laugh a little as she said, "don't worry about that baby. i'm sure there will be plenty more of that in your future."

i kept my eyes locked on the window, looking at all my surroundings. 

"yeah i probably will, but i want it to be you." i paused, "in a way." 

i didn't want to look at billie when i said that. what i just said could either go two ways. it could either destroy everything we have, or make it better. 

she grabbed my hand as she kissed the top of my hand and said, "if thats what you want, me, then thats exactly what you'll get." 

i looked over at billie who was holding my hand and looking at the road, then she looked over at me. 

she approached a red light and kept her eyes on me. 

i batted my eyes as i said, "thank you baby." 

i never call her 'baby', but it just felt right. sometimes saying something feels right then not saying anything at all. 

-

as we got to the hospital, we both hopped out of the car and walked as fast as possible to the front desk. 

the same nurse who's been here before was still behind the desk. she noticed me and sighed as she said, "you just can't catch a break can you kid?" 

all 3 of us laughed a little as she said, "room 412. he has alcohol poisoning. he had to get his stomach pumped and he said he really wants to see you."

i nodded as i thanked her and headed over to the elevator. 

"does your dad drink a lot?" billie asked as i pressed the button to have the elevator reach our floor. 

"never." i said as i stared at the doors waiting of them to open.

"the last time he drunk alcohol was right after my mom died, and he got a dui. he was put on house arrest for acouple months, and he hasn't drunk since then." i said as i looked over at billie who was already looking at me. 

she pulled me closer to her and put her arm around my shoulder as she said, "baby im so sorry. i can't imagine how hard this is for you."