head over heels

bury a friend

I smiled as I opened my eyes to billie kissing my cheek. "good morning" I said in my raspy voice. 

"good morning my love." billie said as she kissed the tip of my nose. 

i smiled as she through her hand around my neck and pulled me to her, kissing my lips. 

"god your so needy." i quietly said against her lips. 

she hummed as she nodded her head, "i'm needy for you baby." 

i quietly giggled as i kissed her lips again before hearing my phone ring. 

i rolled over and grabbed my phone off the charger to see kennedy calling me. 

i turned back around to face Billie, "baby kennedy's calling me" i said as i looked at the phone, then back to Billie. 

"shit, you better answer it." 

i nodded my head as i answered the phone; 

"kennedy, hey what's up?" 

"aubrey i'm sorry to randomly call you. i know your probably mad at me from the last time we talked and i'm sorry."

"it's ok kennedy."

"i didn't call you to apologize though, but i figured i should."

"if you didn't call to apologize why the hell are you calling me?"

"today is cassie's funeral. it's a noon at the church next to my house, just figured you should know since she's dead because of you."

i was silent for a minute before asking, "what the hell do you mean she's dead because of me?" 

"the night of the accident, cassie insisted on seeing you. she wanted to meet your new friend from the party i told her about and she wanted to see how you enjoyed your first party. if it wasn't for you, she'd still be alive right now. i hate you, honestly i do. i wish you where in the car with us that night. i wish you where the one in the passengers seat. i wish you died instead of cassie, and you and i both know that your the only one to blame for your moms death. you couldn't behave for one minute and you decided to be a little whore just like your dead momma." 

tears started rolling down my cheek as i listened to every word kennedy said. billie could hear everything kennedy was saying and billie snatched my phone out of my hand and started yelling at kennedy calling her, "an incompetent piece of shit", "a real piece of work", "cassie's death is on your hands cuz you where driving", "ignorant bitch", and other things like that. 

kennedy didn't say a word, and i could hear her starting to cry on the other end of the phone, but i didn't care. she really hurt me and she knew it. 

after billie hung up the phone she wrapped her arms around me, "you don't need friends like that baby. she's not your friend, and everything she said was-" i cut her off as i said, "true." before breaking down. 

i cried so hard, i swear ive never cried harder. my hands where shaking, i was screaming when i was crying, and i started hyperventilating. billie had to tell me to breath and calm down, but not even her words could help me.