The Waiting Game▬RL 1

Hands Reached Out

"Renny?" A light knock sounded out through the darkened room. The brunette girl was completely covered by her duvet as she silently cried. "Ren? Can I come in?" Creaking, the door moved on its hinges. Renee felt the bed dip in beside her and a hand gingerly ran along her back. Lily was good at comforting, most likely why Sirius was quick to floo call her. The Potter turned around and sat up from her fetal position. Her eyes instantly clamped shut because of the bright light. "Oh, Renee..." Evans took in her matted hair and puffy eyes, a glimpse of pity shone in her own eyes. One of her hands ran through the brown hair only to get stuck. They both winced, sitting on the bed together as Ren composed herself. Pulling at her clothing and throwing her hair into a low-hanging bun.

"Remus dumped me." The ginger listened intently as the events of the night before spilled from her mouth. She was sobbing again, a blubbering mess. Lily pulled her into her arms and mumbled reassuring statements. But Renee couldn't help but replay the words he had uttered.

"You're not what I want." They were haunting her as if she was facing her boggart. She never wanted to lose him again and here they were. Ren couldn't help but feel betrayed, he had wanted her. For years, he never gave up. Now he has commitment issues? Or did he just not want her? Was it some sick joke this past year? No... that wasn't Remus, he would never be so cruel.

"He's just scared, Ren. You know Remus loves you." Her friend helped her up, dragging her to the attached bathroom and turning on the water.

"He sure has a funny way of showing it." Lily turned around as Ren got undressed, and the girl hopped into the shower. Just letting the water flow over her like she had done many times before at Hogwarts. It had always helped clear her mind. It was like a cleansing, in a different way from ridding your body of dirt. Renee rid her body of emotional dirt. "Everything was going well. Sure, we butt heads a couple of times but nothing we couldn't handle. Then yesterday after you left, he just decided that he didn't want me. He had said he loved me right before you showed up. Something James said set him off."

"Yeah, he told me he mentioned the pact Sirius and you had made. Gosh, boys are dumb. I specifically told him not to repeat it months ago. I'm sorry, Ren." She could hear Lily sit on the toilet lid, sighing. Lily was a good friend, Renny knew she meant no harm.

"It's alright. I forgot about that pact until Remus brought it up. I told him how I feel and he said I deserve better." Conditioner between her fingers she ran her hands through her hair, watching strands of it fall into the tub and down the drain. The curls bounced back slightly, the water still weighing on them.

"We'll talk more about it after. You wash up and I'll go make some lunch." With that Lily stood, closing the bathroom door behind her. Renee didn't know how long it took her to finish up. But she didn't care. She couldn't help but wonder if Remus was feeling as shitty as she was. Probably not. After getting out and dressed she went to the dining area to find Sirius and Lily muttering to each other. Shutting their mouths when they noticed their friend.

"Do you want some tea?" Sirius asked, already getting up to fetch it for her.

"Thank you." Renee shot him a fake smile and held the cup under her nose. "Where'd Jamie go?" The other two quickly shrugged, and Lily quickly hid behind 'The Daily Prophet'.

✿

Remus had fucked up royally. The one person he had ever loved ran away from him last night. Only because I pushed her to. He does love Renee; he wants a life with her. But he can't have it. She deserves someone better, someone more available. Someone who's not a monster, that can get married, have kids, all that bullshit. He wanted it so bad, craved it. So, he sat there, on the couch in their shared apartment, wallowing in self-hatred. Pouring glass after glass of fire whiskey until they were all out of it. After watching her gawk at their best friend's engagement ring, he knew. He knew that she needed someone else. She needed to hate him. Remus decided that he wasn't going to go after her. She ran to Potter Manor and he thought that was the place she needed to be. To be with Sirius. Someone he knows loves her and will help her love someone again. Sure, Sirius was often reckless and annoying. But he could give her the world. And that's what Lupin wanted for her.

His mind wandered. Wondering what she was doing right now. Was she cooking? Was she sitting by the fire, wrapped up in a blanket reading? Was she wrapped up in Sirius? Being held by him? Comforted? Or was she alone in her bed crying?

The floo lit up and Remus' foggy mind couldn't help but be hopeful. "Renny?"

"Oi! What in Merlin's name is wrong with you? You can't just do that Lupin!" James Potter's voice yelled out, not bothering to brush the soot from his clothing. "Giving her mixed signals! Telling her you love her only to rip it away! What the fuck is wrong with you?" The werewolf stood, not registering the threat in his best friend's eyes. The Potter twin's hands reached out, pushing him back. "You hurt her. The one person I thought would never, that she thought would never. What do you have to say for yourself?" The anger in his tone seemed to vanish and it was filled with sadness.

"I can't love her, Prongs." Remus stuttered. His hands went up to cover his face. Hoping James didn't see the tears slipping down his cheeks. He wiped them away with haste.

"But you do. And she loves you. Don't you think with everything going on in the world right now we should pull our loved ones closer? Not push them away? What would you do if she—Merlin forbid, died tomorrow? Died thinking you didn't love her." James pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, observing Remus. The knitted sweater he was clad in was pulled over his shaking hands. His eyes sunken in as if he hadn't slept since. "I leave you to think about that. Maybe take a sobering up potion..." Just like that Remus Lupin was alone again.