The Waiting Game▬RL 1

Trudged Upstairs

"I always thought I liked her, but now I'm not so sure. Before I saw her with zero flaws. She's beautiful, funny, and an amazing cook. Now I see she chews her nails, she doesn't always think before her actions, and..."

"She seems to like your best friend, in some sort of way..." Lily sighed, stepping closer to Remus, "how do you see me?" The boy hesitated, taking a huge breath.

"Well... you're Lily."

"And she's Renee. Remus, let me tell you a story..."

Remus Lupin stood in front of her; his hands placed gently on her shoulders. She peered up into his hazel eyes. Remus felt watched, looking anywhere but her face. Lily Evans was a beautiful girl. Her piercing green eyes, long red hair, and fair skin were littered with freckles. But he just couldn't find himself attracted to her. Thankfully, she wasn't asking for that. She had only mentioned that she had had a small crush on him years ago. Something about the stoic, scarred boy had her infatuated. Now in her sixth year, Lily knew Remus. She felt odd to not be attracted to him. Remus was everything she wanted unfortunately she also felt nothing. He backed away from her and bid her goodnight. Suddenly, all thoughts vanished from his head.

"What I want you to take away from what I said is that Renee is just a person. She's allowed to make mistakes. She's not doing it with the intent to hurt you. Lastly, love is everything, Rem, don't let it get away." Lupin couldn't help but scoff. He knew he had been holding Renee on a pedestal. And what Lily said made sense, but love. That was a bit much. Remus turned to her before ascending the stairs.

"Nobody could ever love me, Lily. Not after they find out everything." His voice was dripping with distaste, not for her or Renee but for himself. Remus was constantly filled with self-hatred. Something everyone knew he didn't deserve.

"I know everything about you, and I love you. She will too. You just got to show her who you are." Lily packed up her book bag.

"She doesn't want to see who I am." And I don't want her to see me as a monster. The werewolf quickly trudged upstairs and stopped dead in his tracks. Renee pressed her back against the door, holding the frame firmly. Her breath hitched as he stood opposite her. Their chests were inches apart. Renny couldn't help herself. She closed the gap, embracing his torso.

"Remmy, I know I haven't been an amazing friend. But I hope you let that person in. You haven't been dealt the best hand but you're terrific and deserve happiness." Lupin let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in and returned the hug.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop, Ren." He chuckled, nuzzling into her hair. Her cinnamon-vanilla scent wafted into his nasal cavity. "And I'm also sorry. I shouldn't have been upset that you're not prepared for a relationship. It's not something I can determine for you. But when you are, I hope you consider me." The girl's heart dropped, having just gotten back from her and Sirius' second date. A beautiful picnic that he had the elves make for them. All her favourites.

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"Let's do this Ren—a fake relationship. Just for a bit to get rid of the rumours. Show people you are so amazing and not what they've been so stupid to call you. It will only be a few months and then we'll end it amicably." Sirius pulled her in close, their faces inches apart. Renee could feel his heart beating through his coat. She stared into his grey eyes, seeing no hoax and no doubt. She pressed her lips against his for a splitting moment.

"Okay. But the only person that will know is Jamie."

"Deal." He backed away from her, offering up his hand. "Let's get back to Hogwarts, girlfriend." Just like during the summer, Sirius knew this wasn't going to end well for him. He could already feel it in his heart. The rapid beating whenever she's near or the longing when she isn't. This was not something he intended to feel.

✿

"I'm so sorry Remus..." Her face pushed further into his chest; his heart began racing intensely. He had only hoped she didn't feel it. After months of pushing her away, she still elicited the same sentiments from him. The same bodily reactions, it was like he had no self-control.

"You've already said that Ren. It's okay..."

"I'm with Sirius." Remus leaned away from her to see her face. Renee's lip trembled and he pulled her back into him. "But I just can't lose you again, Remus. It hurt, seeing... knowing you'd rather be alone than with your friends because I was there."

"You can't help who you fall for Renny... It's okay, I understand." Remus Lupin was tired of being upset. Of being mad at her. It took all his energy to try and distance himself from her. So, he wouldn't. Remus pulled her as close as he could. "I'll be here. I'll always be here. For whatever you need me to be."

"Thank you, Remus. I'll let you get ready for bed now. Goodnight." Renee moved past him and descended the stairs as quietly as she could.

"You're happy?" She whipped her head around to the voice coming from the couch.

"As happy as I can be, Lily." With that, she made her way to her common room. Hoping Dorcas was still awake. The halls were eerily quiet. So, Ren was grateful once she entered the common room. She pulled Dorcas' covers back, sliding in beside her.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?" The darker girl asked groggily, still not fully awake.

"Remus wants to be with me, but I'm with Sirius."

"Wouldn't that cause an uproar? Being in a relationship with your brother's other friend after being rumoured to have shagged his best friend." Dorcas chuckled, petting down Ren's curls before resting her head on the nape of her neck. She threw one of her legs over the girl, pressing her torso into her back. She knew that when Renee was upset, she either needed physical touch or snacks. "Go to sleep, love. We'll talk more tomorrow."