As long as we both shall live [Tom Hiddleston]{EBT book 3 of 4}

Fret

After breakfast Tom took Kate's hand and led her out to the verandah, closing the door behind them. He let out what she thought was an exasperated sigh and ran his fingers back through his hair. For once Kate couldn't read his expression, whether he was mad at her or going to apologise for worrying her. She suddenly felt cold and pulled her long knitted cardigan tight around her.

"Luke and I are very close, you know that. He would never, ever, let any harm come to me if he could help it. He will look after me, Kate, and he will make sure I look after myself."

"I'm s-" Kate started. Tom put his hand up to silence her.

"I'm not finished. You know me now. You know I give everything I have, every single time. I will admit this time I let myself get too run down, but I've learned my lesson. You know what you're getting in to, and you've had time to get used to it. I give everything to my work, but I also give everything to you, and hopefully one day our children. This is not at all a commitment I take lightly, and I need you to understand that while I am offered work I am going to keep taking it on and keep pushing myself to the limit. Because one day it won't be there, and I can't slack off just because I've had huge success with one role." He stopped to clear his throat but Kate wasn't game to speak yet. Until now he had been leaning on the railing, facing away from her. Now he turned and took her hands in his, looking in to her eyes.

"One day, I want to settle down in a big house with you. Have children and pets and the whole deal. But I have to work while the work is there, Kate. And so do you. That means we can't always be together, and that means we have to be able to trust one another. I trust you, and I trust Ed to look after you if you need it. I have known Luke for a long time, I trust him with my life. I need you to do the same."

"OK," she said softly.

Tom led her to the swinging chair on the verandah and they sat down. "I have to tell you something." he said solemnly.

"When we met, I wasn't looking for any sort of relationship. In fact I was actively avoiding it. I've told you this before, I just couldn't avoid you. You completely turned my world on its head, and at the worst possible time. You've filled a void I never knew I had, and I love you to my bones. But I don't want you to be worrying about me all the time, or thinking about giving up your dreams and your career because of me. I want you to be happy and confident and shine, without the burden I can see on your shoulders now."

Kate met his gaze. "You're not a burden, Tom. At all. I worry because I care about you."

"I know that. But you shouldn't have to. Katherine, I want you to give this some serious consideration while you're away. You've got a month and I want you to really think about whether this is what you want. It's not going to magically change after the wedding." Kate's heart suddenly dropped to the pit of her stomach.

"Wait. Are you breaking up with me?" Her head swam and everything was spinning. How did we get from me yelling at Luke, to this?

"No, I'm not. I'm giving you an out. It would almost kill me to let you go, but if it will mean you stop sacrificing your dreams to support me, then I will. I don't want you to answer me now, I want you to think about it. Really think about it."

"Tom, I don't need to think about it. There's nothing to think about. It sounds a lot like you're saying you can have your career and love, but I can't because I don't stop caring about you when you're not in front of my face!" For the second time in an hour Kate had raised her voice without realising, and she struggled to control it. "You're saying you don't want to marry me if I want to take care of you. That doesn't make any sense."

"That's not what I'm saying at all-"

"Well then maybe you need some time to think," Kate turned and went inside, making a deliberate effort not to slam the door behind her. She went to the bedroom where her suitcase was mostly still packed and put in the clean clothes that Zach had brought to the hospital for her. After considering for a moment, she put in the dirty ones as well, deciding she could wash them when she got to Phoenix. Packing was easier seeing as she hadn't really unpacked, and by the time she heard Tom come back inside she was changing in to her running clothes. He leaned against the door frame, and she kept her back turned until he took the hint and went back to the lounge room. Kate took one last look at her packed luggage on her side of the bed and picked up her phone and keys, walking purposefully out the back door.

Kate walked for almost an hour before getting to the running track near the river. By that point she was fuming, how could he tell her not to care about him, not to worry about him. And how could he so easily offer to let her go, as if she were nothing to him. Picking up speed, Kate started to jog, and then run. All the time she'd been confined to a hospital room had taken its toll, and running with the cold river air freezing her face felt good. Before she realised her lungs were burning, half an hour had passed and she turned back the way she had come. Idly she wondered if she could just run the emotions away rather than cry or vomit them out like she usually did. At the end of the track she didn't stop, continuing to run until she was half way home, her legs almost buckling beneath her. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath before walking the rest of the way at a stroll. Partly because she was tired and wanted to give her pounding heart and screaming muscles a good cool down, and partly because she knew Tom would be waiting when she got home.