As long as we both shall live [Tom Hiddleston]{EBT book 3 of 4}

The letter

My darling Thomas,
I know this is not the same as talking to you, or even the same as a letter. But it will have to suffice, and you'll have to bear with me as I do not have your way with words.
When you get this I will be on my way to Louisiana as I promised. I have thought a lot about what I want with both my head and my heart. I desperately want for you to be a part of my future. To be my husband. To be the father of our children.
Some things have changed though, and you need to know. I have signed a record contract with Ed's new label, and I've signed on for the next tour. I have worked too hard to miss out on such an amazing opportunity, and I know you'd be disappointed if I didn't accept.
As I said before, you don't hold me back, you hold me up. When I'm on top of everything, when I'm shining, and when I don't think I can stand any more. I understand what you do, and I don't ever wish you didn't. You have no need to apologise or feel guilty for leaving when you need to, just as I don't and won't. This works, Tom. We were making it work and we were both thriving in what most couples would find an impossible situation.
We are equals and we are a team. If you need me, I will be there, and sometimes I will worry that you're not looking after yourself, just as you have done in the past for me. And I know if I need you, you are there. That's where my confidence was built, you gave me that. Knowing you would be there no matter what I thought I could take on the world. Now I know I can do it on my own, and I'm glad, it makes me feel stronger to know that if I have to be, I alone am enough. I would rather not be though, I want to share it with you.
I'm writing this because I wasn't sure what you were going to say, and while I mostly feel strong, the thought of hearing you say it's over is more than I can stand. I'm not sure I can bare my soul and turn up on your doorstep in the hope that you still want to marry me.
So here it is. I will be staying at the Hilton and I'll be in the bar at 6. If you've changed your mind, I won't see you there, and there won't be any hard feelings. I'll wish you all the happiness and success in the world. This way I don't have to hear you say the words, and I can bid you farewell. I'll go back to London and collect my things before you get back.
I love you so much my darling Tom. I hope to see you this evening, but if not remember always that I love you.
Love, Katherine.

It was almost 10 am and Kate was ready to leave the hotel. She clicked on Send and realised the lead weight had returned to the pit of her stomach. She hoped by tonight it would be gone. Either way this time tomorrow she would be checking out of the Hilton. The uncertainty was terrifying. She sent a text to Luke asking him to make sure Tom looked at his emails, and her phone rang.
"I meant to call you first thing. You've seen it already, haven't you?" Luke sounded on edge.
"Huh? Seen what? I just sent Tom an email and he needs to see it as soon as possible, and I know you're with him."
"Oh. Uh, there's photos from last night. Remember the ones of you that turned out to be completely innocent? Keep that in mind. There's nothing going on, it was just a friendly kiss and they've neglected to mention that Rodney and I were there. OK? If anyone asks, you know Tom and Elizabeth are just friends. You don't need to say any more than that, and I'm not sure what you would say anyway."
Kate sat down on the bed and said softly. "They're not just friends though, are they, Luke? It wasn't just friendly, was it."
"Kate, it's comp- he wouldn't cheat on you, you know that."
"It's not cheating if he's already made up his mind, is it! Is there something there, or not?"
"I'm not in his head, so I don't know. There certainly is from her side, and there might be from his. It's hard to say." Kate covered her mouth with her had.
"Go in to Tom's emails please, and delete mine."
"Kate, I can't,"
"Yes, you can. Be my publicist, save me some dignity, and delete the email. Now."
"OK. Hold on." She could hear him typing in Tom's password and clicking the mouse. "Done."
"Thank you. Can you come and see me tonight at the Hilton? I'm going to need some help sorting some stuff out."
"OK. Are you OK?"
"No. No I'm not."
Kate hung up and sat in shocked silence. It's over. It's really over. He has someone else. The words repeated over and over in her head. She fidgeted with her ring before taking it off her finger and putting it in to the small zipper compartment in her bag. Her Louis Vuitton bag, that Tom had given her. The ring. The guitar. The necklace, the bracelet. She didn't realise she was crying until Ed knocked on the door.
"Did you send it?" He asked, searching her face. All Kate could do was shake her head. "Why not?"
She took out her phone, knowing a quick Google search would give her the gossip from last night. And it did. Without reading it herself she handed it to him and he sat down, clapping his hand over his mouth. "Nah, Kate, he wouldn't. You know he wouldn't."
"I know there are mutual feelings there and the only thing holding him back is me. That's enough. We're done."
"Are you sure? How do you know?"
"Luke," she sobbed. "I asked and he told me. If he's noticed there's something there it must be pretty fucking obvious."
"I'm sorry sweetheart. You were so calm about everything this morning, I really thought it was all going to work out."
"So did I," she whispered in to her hands.